God's Message

[Token]

I have been touched by God, and he has inspired me into writing this piece.. I do hope you enjoy, but please take it in a serious matter.

Voilins humming, the sound of a faint yet clear voice
clearly venting through my thoughts, barely keeping poise
As my body trembles, palms sweaty & soul so dense
O how i long to smell the fragrance of a pure soul's scent
Thy horses nay abruptly, while the chorus begin swiftly
Sounds of trumpets and flutes of hymns all in perfect symphony
The shoes protecting thy feet, begin to wear poor
As you walk through the valley of sin, and pass by heavens door
You shall ask yourself questions, and obtain regrets of all sorts
But the reasoning remains, you have now passed heavens door
Thou hast passed heavens door, I do say, you hast past glee
Understand thy mind, you knew you couldn't out last Thee
Bow before Thy Creator, bend thy knees and repent
You've sinned before your Father, back stabbed your own descent

In a Strong Emotion and Loud Voice

Hear thee, I say, hear thee and speaketh far to thy neighbors
you mustn't procrastinate, while you wait... time tapers
There is no later, hear thee, I say there is no later
Tell now, don't wait, go and speaketh to thy neighbors

In a Settled voice

My tongue doeth tell words hard to believe, but you must show grace
I sacrificed My own son to die for YOU, blood was shed, have faith
I doest love you, for you're My children, and it is greater than anything you've witnessed
doest thou love me the same way? or only when asking for assistance?
ask for forgiveness, repent and your soul shall be set free
i gave you a free will, now how would you like to spend the rest of eternity?
Heaven or hell, what are thy thoughts? turn thy back and walk away if u wish
I'll always love you, so if that's the path you chose, then so be it

[Token]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=132730
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...12#post1471012

[Judge Judy]

Make sure ya hit this up after reading my reply:-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=132708

Well we don't often see OM's from you so this was nice to read.
I woulda put it in Poetic Scriptures myself as it was more
emotive and set in the style where it flows with essence.
Your syllabic flow coulda been more on point, & by adding
more vivid detail into what YOU were feeling etc.
Ok enough negative shit now the good stuff..
You had a very good writers voice here where you expressed
swiftly in what you thought yet you put it across
to other writers aswell as the audience.
Your vocab' made a good impressin as it gave more
of a religious feel. My favourite part wsa where you described
the horse naying.. I just got a good vibe from that..
Overall coulda been better but this seemed more raw emotion
that a piece you wanted rating..

Pz

[Split]

alright,

first off, the message in this was great, it truly moved me. And it was apparent in this that you had been inspired to write it. Emotions seeped through the verse in every line, and it was very refreshing to see something of this kind in OM, compared to the normal "I'm the best rapper alive, screw jay-z" shit, but I do have a complaint, it did get a bit repetitive after a bit, not overwhelmingly, but noticeable, and I think it would have been better put in Poetic Scriptures. But it was a great piece, beautiful
9/10

[Judge Judy]

Token... I took my time..now be a darl and leave feedbk on my link.
Pz yo

[spokenoh]

"I sacrificed My own son to die for YOU, blood was shed, have faith
I doest love you, for you're My children, and it is greater than anything you've witnessed"
Those were some really well put poetic words. I never thought that YOU would drop this kind of Open Mic but I was mistaken. Good, audio like flow with those nice transitions and a few multies in there that helped. Your writer's voice was pretty good as everything else. It's nice to see some versatility in Open Mic's.

[Too ill to speak]

This was very Deep, I liked it, The flow was pretty bad ass,had some stright vocab, the message, was very emotional and personal I Respect that......It was A Very enriching peice, you gain knowledge from these peices....but gret drop

fav lines

You've sinned before your Father, back stabbed your own descent
Hear thee, I say, hear thee and speaketh far to thy neighbors
you mustn't procrastinate, while you wait... time tapers
There is no later, hear thee, I say there is no later
Tell now, don't wait, go and speaketh to thy neighbors

I was feeling the vibe on these lines..get at me

[Chris Black]

This was OK. It seemed rather preachy. The flow was aight for the most part. I don't know. It just didn't click right with me. Anyway, keep writing, homie.

[Token]

Thanks everyone...

This was very Deep, I liked it, The flow was pretty bad ass,had some stright vocab, the message, was very emotional and personal I Respect that......It was A Very enriching peice, you gain knowledge from these peices....but gret drop

fav lines

You've sinned before your Father, back stabbed your own descent
Hear thee, I say, hear thee and speaketh far to thy neighbors
you mustn't procrastinate, while you wait... time tapers
There is no later, hear thee, I say there is no later
Tell now, don't wait, go and speaketh to thy neighbors

I was feeling the vibe on these lines..get at me

Thank you, to make something clear to all of you, ^ those above lines is where i basically start showing STRONG emotion and yelling, i'm going to edit that in there so you know.

[CNL]

Wow, that was crazy awesome. I definetely liked the message and the flow. your rhyme scheme worked out great, but a little fuzzy in that last line. enough of the negative stuff. "Thy horses nay abruptly, while the chorus begin swiftly
Sounds of trumpets and flutes of hymns all in perfect symphony
The shoes protecting thy feet, begin to wear poor
As you walk through the valley of sin, and pass by heavens door" I like the part about the shoes wearing poor. kinda like someone pacing back and forth. And when I first saw the King James "thee's and thou's" I cringed, but it fit in well.

[CNL]

Hey how bout a return of tha fb? http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...41#post1472441

[REALISTIK]

this peace makes you seem happy I guess thats what god does to us..........but you honestly coulda teared this topic apart....................but you spat from the heart i thats what makes it real.....................peace

[Token]

thanks..

up

i want everyone to see this.. i wish it could get in legends just so it could be read by a lot..

[FaceFuckaMidget.]

Message was moving

the religion part of this made it extravagant
not to many people like to touch on this topic
as many do not understand or know about it
but i think you handled it better than most
i like it alot
its a new concept not portrayed by many writers on this site

i know deacon is...........but hes special

it lightly touches religion unless you look at it as you writing your own perspective of religion
but it was nicely handled regardless

now leave feedback on my NEW OM
just finished it
links in my sig.........

[+Danny Ocean+]

In my opinion this was decent. Not decent in the same aspect that ur piece was decent but it didn't really connect with me and thats not ur fault. I liked the religious personage and vocab that u gave to this OM.

My tongue doeth tell words hard to believe, but you must show grace
I sacrificed My own son to die for YOU, blood was shed, have faith
I doest love you, for you're My children, and it is greater than anything you've witnessed
doest thou love me the same way? or only when asking for assistance?
ask for forgiveness, repent and your soul shall be set free
i gave you a free will, now how would you like to spend the rest of eternity?
Heaven or hell, what are thy thoughts? turn thy back and walk away if u wish
I'll always love you, so if that's the path you chose, then so be it

U speak nothing but the truth in these lines. The ending was ur best part. Im glad u made a piece like this, keep it up.