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Thread: Life's Food Chain

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Life's Food Chain

    December 11th, 2009...

    .. On Earth, today's the birth of artificial intelligence
    Our blindness is mindless, yet its apart of visual irrelevance
    Celebration escalatin, merry, it's the start of ritual's big element
    Humanity's vanity raised, yet we are trapped in this big ladder
    We shall begin an empire we desired, magnificence mastered
    To have mechanical minds is mainly malificent's platter
    Significance scattered, let's see what this machinery handles
    Press nature's unknown button, control the scenery's panels

    January 18th, 2015..

    .. Our expansion's enhancement now stands time and brewin
    It's glamour, unmatched, yet all of mankind is ruined
    Abusing machine, it's slavery parallelled to the black man
    In the 19th century, with every entry it defies recieves a backhand
    Neglected fuel, electric tools to mold it's future now
    Eclectic fools detect it's rules to fold the tutor's sound
    In amusement we abuse it, but no more is machine just comedy
    One has begun to raise it's conditions, seeks a new economy

    January 30tth, 2015...

    .. Word spreads, folded dreams into accusations of a rebel
    Fear of a fantasy in robotic families is viewed as a level
    Compared to the devil, the robot is sent to it's demise
    Sized as a lie into the eyes, and recieves major replies
    By all robots and mechanical, peered as diabolical
    When it's chronological identical to philosophical
    Enraged by this page that shoulda never been born in history
    Both humans, well just robots are left torn in misery

    February 28th, 2051...

    .. A civilization is official, robots reflect human life
    But there looks are the opposite, they hold no human eyes
    WHere human lies, into the grasp of fear for a new generation
    They are despised and deprived, yet contain a centered station
    They advance at modern times with unmoderate speed
    They share the same physics, escripted, no tolerant greed
    Human's pitied a creation that should never been degraded
    Human contact contract attempted to have this shit delayed n..

    March 19th, 2099...

    .. People asked why today did Y2K ever flyway?
    A century ago, but it has arrived, as many die today
    One can only go so long for bein misjudged and beaten
    Grudge was meetin closer with every blood with bleedin
    The cyborgs and robots have surpassed their self control
    Parol and rolled in, to only take away our souls
    We shoulda realized our empire was already in our hands
    Instead of ignore it, now stabbed, a machede inside man


    .. This shut down was foreseen, even in movies
    That someday our self esteem would go unruly
    And truly, the child we bore has slaughtered the father
    To change the book, to even change and replace the author...

    Posted in G. Hod's Pandora's Triumph
    Posted in 2hot2handle's fake Paradise
    Voice Of Da Street

  2. #2
    MONDO THUG Mimesis.'s Avatar
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    this shit was tight again.....structure was good......flow was on lock......multis were tight as all hell.....imagery was nice......there was some emotion......despite the length this made for a really nice read......keep droppin ur shit man.....u got crazy skills......

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  3. #3
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    Man I Really Really Felt Your Rhythm And Structure On This.... I Think U Got This Shit Doen There Is Nothing That I Would Correct U On I Think Your Imagery Was Great....

  4. #4
    Word is Bond Sublime D's Avatar
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    that was nice...above average..not great..but no less than above average...abotu a 7.5 out of ten... average being a 5.5...i was personally impressed with this as it exhibits a great potential for growth and advancement...and i enjoy your style..actualyl i want to knwo if your interested in a lil collab...i liked your vocab...your flow and multis were ok...u made a lil mark in my mind..ill watch for your new pieces
    Bittersweet

  5. #5
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    werd, a collab is always somethin i'm up for

    good lookin out, upp
    Voice Of Da Street

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! RapidFire's Avatar
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    wow, very big improvement over your last piece....

    the concept is original...the rhymes are very nice...flow is kinda iffy to me but not bad...the vocab is near perfect...word usage is nice...

    Abusing machine, it's slavery parallelled to the black man
    In the 19th century, with every entry it defies recieves a backhand

    ^ very nice line..

    Enraged by this page that shoulda never been born in history
    Both humans, well just robots are left torn in misery

    ^ another nice one...

    They advance at modern times with unmoderate speed
    They share the same physics, escripted, no tolerant greed

    ^ really nice line...nice description

    And truly, the child we bore has slaughtered the father
    To change the book, to even change and replace the author...

    ^ another really good line...

    those lines were really fuckin tite..the rest of it was a little above average...I'll break it down like this..

    Rhymes- 8.0
    Vocab- 9.0
    Metaphors- 8.0
    Multis- 8.0
    Flow- 7.5
    Consitency- 8.5
    Concept- 9.0

    this averages to about 8.0..nice piece...big improvement..

    peace
    I.J.L.

  7. #7
    Original Outlaw Domain 9's Avatar
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    I'm kinda late on this one but anyways... 2 links or it will be closed

    pz
    Artificial Intelligence
    *~P.U.R.E.~*
    Can't Fuck With Old School



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    Damn Girl!

  8. #8
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    I posted two links.. well, not links, but i posted the name of the author's rap on the bottom lol
    Voice Of Da Street

  9. #9
    Original Outlaw Domain 9's Avatar
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    hmm, next time give links b/c no mod wants to go search down your posts to check and make sure you posted something. Give links next time

    pz
    Artificial Intelligence
    *~P.U.R.E.~*
    Can't Fuck With Old School



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    Damn Girl!

  10. #10
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    my bad then

    ^^
    Voice Of Da Street

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