A Hole In My Heart

[MadMan]

There's a hole in my heart that anyone can see
A whole in my heart where she used to be
I'm starved for affection, it's sad but true
So starved that I quickly reached out to you
You were what I wanted, and what I need
To help on the path of the life that I lead
You promised nothing but it felt guaranteed
But it tore me apart to watch you just leave

There's a hole in my heart for all that I gave
I asked nothing in return, and nothing you gave
But what can I expect, I didn't let you know
The burden of my life I don't like to show
Friends do a lot, I owe them my life
They know first hand, all of my strife
But to them my tears may never flow
That is why, Robin, I wanted to show

The hole in my heart I opened for you
Like the girl I had, you seemed to be true
I needed what you gave, a light in the dark
But I couldn't go forward, like a car stuck in park
You don't want this girl, to share in my heartache
You're to young to watch as my heart breaks
but like a beautiful person, you do what you do
And in that short time, I learned to love you.

I didn't want to focus on what used to be
The only thing I wanted was you and me
For you to help in with my hearts fixin'
I didn't want to hear about you and Matt Dixon
I was a fool for thinking a person could love this face
I should feel lucky for your warm embrace
I let myself go, I watched the pain restart
It's no longer a metaphorical hole in my heart.

[MadMan]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...76#post1377776

[Laureate]

aight Mad man

Flow...thiw was good...a very easy read....nice and bouncy

Emotion...this was nice for me...

Imagry....this was pretty good...could be upped a tad...but I related well to this which made the imagry better for me cause I related it to situations in my life

Overall....this was well done...keep at it

please peep http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=127324

[Endeva.]

i liked the way you kept the first lines similar starting on the same note... i thought the way the last started different, helped bring it together, then bringing it back for the last line... finished it up well... the concept wasnt very original, but you kept the inteest there... smooth flow and decent imagery... wordplay ok, could have been better... but all in all.... good work... ~one~

[Figure]

I thought this was a good drop mainly cos, I felt the same feelings u have in one point of my life.. So i related to this easily.. Thus I was more interested in finding out how u were gonna finish it..
Flow was smooth, and quite basic, but all in all, worked with the topic. Like it was fact after fact, jus being presented.. "The hole in my heart I opened for you
Like the girl I had, you seemed to be true"

Some real nice lines in here, and I felt your emotion in the last verse. Especially:
"I was a fool for thinking a person could love this face
I should feel lucky for your warm embrace"
^^ thats pretty damn hard to say.. for anyone bro, so props on that. lol
all together, a good drop..

If u get the time, peep my Oms if u can. thanks
The Artist - Suicide
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=127335

War Against Myself
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=126573

[MC Tactix]

I think very highly of this verse, you kept the flow very strong in the first stanza, keeping it all 10 syllables, then you switched up. Your imagery wasn't there, but you were alluding to something else, and when you do that, you choose not to show a lot of imagery.

I loved the wordplay you had.

"I needed what you gave, a light in the dark
But I couldn't go forward, like a car stuck in park"

Got me kinda laughing on that, also the light was good imagery.

I loved the ending, and how you said the hole was no longer metaphorical, kinda alluding that you put a real hole in your heart. Strong ending for those that looked in

8.5/10

[Ace of Aces]

good drop man. the flow in this was simple but nice. to me it was much more of a poem for some reason. it just felt like that while i read it. but it was a good poem anyway. the structure was flawless obviously. everything came together pretty well too. the vocab was simple, but you used it to make great metaphors in this. i enjoyed many of them. all verses were good, i could even feel the heart. there was similar situation that happened to me in my life so i feel you man. props on this.

fav. part:

There's a hole in my heart that anyone can see
A whole in my heart where she used to be
I'm starved for affection, it's sad but true
So started that I quickly reached out to you
You were what I wanted, and what I need
To help on the path of the life that I lead
You promised nothing but it felt guaranteed
But it tore me apart to watch you just leave

^dope

hit mines up if you see it thanks.

peace

ps. do you know when you're going to be done making the 'Pandora's Box' crew forum? we've been waiting for a couple weeks now and 'The End' said that you're the one who makes forums. we were already accepted so do you know when you'll be done? soon i hope. Thanks a lot. =)

[YJ]

vocab was simple but nice it also flowed nicely
very emotional and u didn't lack Imagry
structure was also good keep droppin
9/10

[CoNfLyCt]

Madman, those words really touched me. They express exactly how I feel better than some of my own rhymes about my past love, and that, I give you tons of credit for.

[Lingwistik]

yah, this was a tite piece, the flow was good the emoption was definately there, i got some good imagery from this piece............the vocab was a little abve basic, but thats good for this type of piece...........the topic has been done obvioiusly, bnut this was actually a good one of this topic............like a guy said above,

"I was a fool for thinking a person could love this face
I should feel lucky for your warm embrace"

its hard to do that, this also shows you artent cocky, which is also respectfull
all in all i give this a 9/10

peace

o and can you please leeve feedback in one of the om's in my sig, thakns
and again nice piece

[MadMan]

Thanks for the response people, drop links I'll reply.

[Lingwistik]

o yeas, can you please leave feedback for this

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=127373

thanx

[MadMan]

Up with Uppers.

[MadMan]

Once and for all...