Deaf Of A Friend

[Andrew..]

Time ends when a friend
Doesnt survive till the end
When you think about it
you cry again and again
But you are gone now
You will now watch from heavend (heaven)


God made us but one day we will die
I still cry even though i know
your and angel flying in the sky
But i still have to ask God why
I didnt have a chance to say bye


You die even if u werent commiting a crime
But it was just time for you to go
But i still hear your voice as clear as a wind chime
How you died still puts chills down my spine
I just wish I could see you spit your last line

[Andrew..]

B2K's Self Doubt

Feeble Minded - Victim

[SMZ]

A little short a simplistic but alright - last line of first stanza would probably sound better as "and watch from heaven" - I see what you did with the "know" and the "go" but they're just too far apart for it to connect - decent imagery - could be better but alright - vocab could use a little boosting - keep working at it though - hit my SS drop or Breathless if you get a chance...

[Andrew..]

Iight thanks for the comments and tips . I will hit yours up. Still upon

[ak-mixa]

dis piece was a little short lined and stuff....but had some pretty good concepts to it I could say overall it was a little average...but it held my attention...and flowed pretty nicely...I had to just read it one time to understand the whole concept of the subject and it came out good...but for future reference...it'll be better if you make your lines a little bit longer...but decent..still you can improve here and there..keep dropping shit.

[Andrew..]

Thanks.
Leave links and I willreply to some.
Still upon

[Andrew..]

Ok this is starting to get slept on. Still upon and leave links.

[GFunk]

this was an alright piece... flowed really well in the beginning but kinda lost it in awhile... it was simple, but that cna be a good thing.... try adding multis.... atleast one lol.... concept was original.... Try working on the flow near the end, or shortening some of the lines(I lost flow alot in the last section)... overall, it was an ok piece.... nothing stands out, but really nothing negative(Cept the lack of multis imo)....

[Andrew..]

Thanks.
Still upon.

[Andrew..]

Thanks to all who have posted so far but still upon

[G£s†U®£s]

Good pice...easy read...was this dedicated to someone???

[Andrew..]

Yea to my friends Uncle who died 2 weeks ago his Uncle was close to me and me family
thanks for the comments

[Chris Black]

This should be in the poetry forum.
I like the simplicity of it.
Rhyme scheme could have been better.
Besided that, it was short and nice.
Decent little poem, homie.
Keep on doing it.

Please return the favor:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=124344

[Andrew..]

Iight thanks
I will hit up yours
peace

[Ace of Aces]

nice piece hear. especially because its a dedication. real nice on that aspect. basic but still good. kept the meaning along wit the flow and such. you were consistent too which is good. nice structure. overall pretty good. best stanza was the last i think. it provided the most imagery. props.

hit mines up in return plz. 'God vs Machine'

thanx.

peace