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Thread: Behind the Scenes

  1. March 24th, 2004, 03:58 AM #1
    Laureate
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    Behind the Scenes

    Outside I look normal, jus a teenager goin through rough times
    Unbruised on the surface, fake smiles to please unaware minds
    Its like a show I put on every day, I just gotta pretend to be fine
    Cause people askin stupid questions, only makes me keep lyin
    Grades steadily dropping in School, no motivation to try hard, fuck strife
    As I watch rain splash on my car, It paints a smeared picture of my life
    Another day gone by for me, Emotions tell me it's still one too many
    Contemplate suiced often, wonder where my soul would send me
    My feelings I hide, pent up inside...

    Fuck this

    I can't fuckin take it anymore! Fuck all those that made me like this
    Lingustics can't describe my rage, Feelings hiding from outside sources
    Can't keep this shit pent up anymore, Now aggression is spewing out
    Cut my wrists and lick the blood, Then savor the taste in my mouth
    You aint never seen me like this! But this is how I truly emotionally feel!
    You fuckers would never understand! To you all of this shit aint real!
    I storm through my room in a rampage, tears cause double vision like reflections
    See a disgrace staring at me in the mirror, and then shatter the complexion
    My personal life is in peices, Abusive relationships and shattered dreams
    You see the fake me, but only my heart, soul and mind know me Behind the Scenes
    Last edited by Laureate; March 31st, 2006 at 05:27 PM
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  2. March 24th, 2004, 03:59 AM #2
    Laureate
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=121118
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=120996
    Last edited by Laureate; March 24th, 2004 at 05:01 AM
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  3. March 24th, 2004, 09:55 AM #3
    MadMan
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    What you lacked in structure, you sure as hell made up for in emotion. Some rhymes were off, and some were so good it nearly sent a chill down my back.

    Can't keep this shit pent up anymore, Now aggression is spewing out
    Cut my wrists and lick the blood, Then savor the taste in my mouth
    You aint never seen me like this! But this is how I truly emotionally feel!
    You fuckers would never understand! To you all of this shit aint real!

    ^That was definitely your strongest stanza, great rhyme, flow, and emotion. Strong piece.

    Please return the favor.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=121236
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  4. March 24th, 2004, 03:55 PM #4
    Laureate
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    come on...I replied to a few OMs...up
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  5. March 24th, 2004, 04:01 PM #5
    Evolve
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    You definatley had emotion in this. BUT.. the structure was bad & their was no internal rhyming. It was decent but could have been alot better
    Rappers sound the same man, found 1 game plan & ran through it
    They all got that Geico flow.. Cause even a cave man can do it

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  6. March 24th, 2004, 04:34 PM #6
    BPINCfreelance
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    toss some multis in there and it wuill be pretty damn hot
    P.S. your crazy
    haha
    but a nice VERY emotional filled drop
    youd prolly be hot in audio, cuz with all that emotion itd be tight to listen to
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  7. March 24th, 2004, 04:51 PM #7
    Dios de Hip Hop
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    You aint never seen me like this! But this is how I truly emotionally feel
    through and near that line emotions were good.
    did like this lines flow with the others, nice peice
    still yet, could have been better witht he struc,
    and other shit , but just keep dropping,
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  8. March 24th, 2004, 06:58 PM #8
    TheUnderRated
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    You kill yourself and i will be fuckin pissed at you...nice drop emotional good open heart surgery of your topic and nice OM.......lol he isn't even near that emotional on audio ....pz
    INSANE JOKA LYRICIST
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  9. March 24th, 2004, 07:47 PM #9
    SmokaJoka
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    damn got a reply from the admin (MadMan), Evolve, and Mantik a respected topical writer...and all said it was pretty good

    i will edit my opinions in here....very emotional read though...

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  10. March 25th, 2004, 01:09 AM #10
    Masahiko.
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    damn benny! this shit is ill.... asian pride .... hehehe.. u IJL wannabe

    This is a very emotional piece.. i love it.. i really feel what you are going thru.. im sorry life is so ruff but thats what your buddy is here for... this was good.. even though id rather you not make somthing like this.. unless it wasnt going through you.. seriously man this is a really good piece
    The Legion

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  11. March 25th, 2004, 04:14 AM #11
    Laureate
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    thanks...up
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  12. March 25th, 2004, 05:06 AM #12
    UNDEAD.
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    i was really feelin this piece man i feel da same way so as i related to dis it was really good your structure could of been better but your flow was nice i liked the imagersy almost like a chapter out of a novel maybe you should ex-tend this piece really nice piece to read i quite enjoyed it keep good shit comein...peace
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  13. March 25th, 2004, 11:29 AM #13
    Penskills
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    I promised you that I'll read this and I will...
    I'll be back to edit this with a breakdown later on..peace..
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  14. March 25th, 2004, 04:04 PM #14
    FormulaMC
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    Damn Lyric. . emotional shit. The structure was a whore though, but you made up for it with the emotions running high. This would've been alot more effective with a better structure though. Overall though, with the emotion, this piece was very nice. . keep dropping man.
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  15. March 26th, 2004, 01:24 AM #15
    CAMROK
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    Verrrrryy nice piece here man.. I saw this in FL in the topical but didn't get a chance to vote up. I really enjoyed this piece alot. Absolute great emotion portrayed.... I would quote some lines, but I liked them all.. very nicely done.

    Dope.

    peace
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