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Thread: My Lady Became A Tramp!

  1. #1
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    My Lady Became A Tramp!

    My Lady Became A Tramp!

    On the first day of skool you looked all shy, and I didn’t know why
    I mean, me and you were always so close we neva told a lie
    To each other cause we were lovers but then things started to change
    You looked away wen I gave you a smile all the while you were givin Jim, winks
    And that pissed me off the way u just laughed and scoffed in my face
    Just because I was a different race didn’t mean we were neva ment to be
    It was plain as day the way you always wanted to see
    How id react if you had a pact with my mates to give them all blows
    And in return theyd take you out to all the fancy shows
    Like plays and dances and you had ten romances while bein wif me
    It was like I was dateing a speed hooker and even my friend asked “can I book her”
    As if I was your PIMP and you told me not to skimp on all the things you wanted
    Like cars, drugs, money, sex and more sex that’s wat haunted
    My thoughts of you, Im so fukin glad were threw cause
    Cause I may be a playa but I aint no slut laya!
    Now im with a gurl who loves me and I love her bak that’s easy to see
    You still doin crack you said id do more just cause im black
    All you can do is suk,fuk and feel men but you lack
    Real talents that get you paid real money and you dunt need to get laid!

  2. #2
    Banned Dios de Hip Hop's Avatar
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    honestly in the beginign i kind of liked it.
    if this was ment to be personal u pulled
    off what u wanted to say..... just not poetic
    about it . . . .. just fell off towards the end
    just keep the thoughts throughout the whole
    peice. . .. the good lines all through then
    itd be good.
    hit up the "e" in my sig please.

  3. #3
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    yeah this was personal it was based on a gurlfrend i once had so its all a true story. so thanx for ya feedbak.

  4. #4
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    You need 2 links of replies or this gets closed, Thanks.

  5. #5
    Newbie Accana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Credz
    You need 2 links of replies or this gets closed, Thanks.
    I really don get what that means but it was good all the way through I thougt...
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118621
    A life of Choas
    I'm always alone anyways no one knows what im doing//
    doing drugs like stuff from pot to chewing//
    or getting fucked without knowing who the fuck im screwing//
    or standing on stage listening to croud as there booing//

  6. #6
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    yeah ive psoted in two here are the links and thanx for the positive feedbak.
    keep it comein and if u have a open mic paste the link here and i'll reply to it if you post a comment on mine...peace

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118262

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118770

  7. #7
    ... Prince Adem's Avatar
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    Decent... started out well and got me interested but i got bored by the end... too much pimping

    Decent flow, vocab couldve been better, and you didnt have multies... you had a nice structure and told the story well and some decent lines like the "best friend" one.. but it couldve been much deeper and better

    5/10

    Good luck and keep writing, you'll get better

  8. #8
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    not bad. lol. sounded to me like you were trying to be funny. cuz it was. i don't know if thats a good thing tho. lol. hmm, you had a good flow in some places, and rhymes here in there. lol. your vocab was basic tho. work on that. your structure was off. work on that. and your style was weird. work on that. but like i said, not bad. 5/10

    keep at it.

    hit mines up if you see it.

    peace

  9. #9
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    thanx for the feedbak ACE and wogzta UPPIN

  10. #10
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    The emotion was aight. Flow was aight. Topic was played, but tou put your won twist to if. I'd say, work on rhyme scheme. The rhymes in this were way to basic and took away from the work. Improve that point in your game and you'll be decent. Keep doin it, homie.

    Please drop feedback here:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...17#post1246817
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

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