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Thread: Soaring Free

  1. #1
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    Soaring Free

    Arising from the east its enlightening the skies
    With the cries of wildlife, where the paradise birds fly
    Up high, soaring free with not a care in the world
    Unaware of the hurt and wrongs below that’s getting hurled
    So if ya compare their songs it’s a comparison unique
    Adjacent but their complacent whereas our future is bleak
    With Shrieks of peeps from pain that some have to take
    And partake without option from a simple mistake
    On their own, abused at home, so at school they have to fake
    A brave face, their safe place, but you can tell in his tone
    He don’t answer the phone, it equals more broken bones
    Another trip to casualty… “he fell and fractured his nose”
    His mother’d cover, was afraid, bruised under her clothes
    But stays composed cos she knows he would kill them both
    I don’t suppose that people notice cos they mask it well
    It’s atrocious that their lives comprise of a living hell
    With each day a nightmare that they don’t want to delve
    It aint fair, all they did was care, now they’re just a shell
    Of their former self in a prison cell doing hard time
    When their only crime was the wrong place, I think you’ll find
    But would she click rewind, would that put right the now
    No she wouldn’t have her son who she’s so fucking proud
    She had to voice aloud, and leave the choking shroud
    But felt she couldn’t run so one day she reached for the gun
    Did she pull it, squeeze the trigger, yes, and now its done
    And they’re both free, don’t ya see, they still hadn’t won
    She’s in prison, hes in care and doesn’t have his mum



    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...342post1240342
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...361post1240361
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  2. #2
    literally fck ur own face Wise Ways's Avatar
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    Hmm...nice drop here..i liked tha flow in it
    consistant and pretty good vocab..
    You did a great job on tha imagery
    ...Good piece

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    WhatThatLookLike..?!

  3. #3
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Flow was pretty good. Scheme was good but the rhymes themselves were somewhat simplistic or rather predictable. Kept me interested - 'cause you took it in an unexpected direction. When it started out about birds I thought it was going to be some kind of nature piece or something - but you slipped pretty smoothly into the conflict. Nice work again. Peace.

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    I'm dead.


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    Hence Forward

  4. #4
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    ^^thnx for that
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  5. #5
    Free, As A Bird
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    Hey stop it...Ur stealin my "Depth" style..lol

    But anyway...This was really good man, The depth of it really go quite deep...

    Ur vocab was quite amaizing allso...(dno why i used amaizing)

    Skill wise, u were at YOUR average range...Wich is good however way u write...

    The topic was quite dramatic...Very basic, But hit the spot...Good choice in topic..

    I really like it man...

    Dont stop..Keep up the "OM a day" shit....lol

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  6. #6
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    i agree with SMZ cuz u started off with simple birds and went into a complex conflict.overall okay piece flow was good. vocab good. good piece

  7. #7
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    yeah yeah..... thnx
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  8. #8
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    Your 2 big major plus point here were your Detail
    of emotion & your balance of internals.
    It gave it that nice quality that I like about
    pieces. Thats why Cam' always keeps my
    Attention w/ his pieces. Your flow was near flawless
    except for a few syllabic skips which could be easily
    brushed aside.

    The adjacent/complacent line was a very nice touch
    It was poetic & beautiful.
    You've really got that writers voice standing out
    at the minute. Keep it up.

    Make sure to reply to this-
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...83#post1241483

  9. #9
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    ^^thx man...... appreciated
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  10. #10
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    uppin this shit... whats it take these days to get some replies....
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  11. #11
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    This was good, nice flow.. good story .. man vocab was on point, .. liked this

    I don’t suppose that people notice cos they mask it well
    It’s atrocious that their lives comprise of a living hell
    With each day a nightmare that they don’t want to delve
    It aint fair, all they did was care, now they’re just a shell

    liked this, very nice

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  12. #12
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    ^^thx Ed.... appreciated man
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