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Thread: Eye Care

  1. #1
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    Eye Care

    Earth was the beautiful place for everything...
    ...although nothing was in its place...


    Constructed construction worker, just one in the working masses
    green vest with the blue collar, now- unhatched bird of passage
    The thirst to manage perished, left with this dehydrated memory
    lost the will to see right and willed on the wont's of dependency
    Broken the pennate dream, not even heaven believed in perfection
    even the littlest promised land was there to intrigue my attention
    Now I question rhetorics for the answer why I miss all passers by
    and can't fully express my new found affection for land and sky
    Earths fandom died, the vigilant all illiterate to the life signs
    red and white the writers dialect of tedious trite, the Wine's dry
    And hindsight is the shed light basked upon last rite situations
    however bright- utterly meaningless, and my emotion's in abrasion
    This is how I focus daily, stabbed in the back by my focal point
    days spent as a waste to my optimistic search for the hopeful noint
    Used to read feelings from the face of her, now fabled like Aesop
    if only lost trace could talk and reveal the enormity of rasied dots
    As torment seeks its grace spot in the perception took for granted
    took to this new water slanted, so Satan, just hook this damned fish
    Desire exists you can see it in my eyes, there-in lies the problem
    wearing no goggles and overall lunacy, and here I hide unconscious
    I'm tired of confidence, coaxing my optics, now- sleeping partners
    I have this dream- I'm the 3rd inhabitant of Edan....weeding gardens
    Grieving sharpens, illusionary laughing till all's regarded as a prick
    melodramatic about burning my essence and angst carving at the wick
    Sparking match that lit my surroundings, but all that surrounds me
    is the accumulated eclipse of my civilization as the town sleeps
    My head is pounding- constantly, all I want, to turn in eternally
    worse is how I certainly don't deter this greif that determines me terminally
    First to the heat, future is now, but for me there's no hope there
    time to quest for strife or death, so there's no reason why I don't care!!

    ...But I want to die...because dying is the most helpful form of release...
    What seems more scenic....
    ....this divine scheme of landscape brilliance..
    ...or this indignant mind playing ménage to these demons?!

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  2. #2
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    I didn`t tell you on RV yet, cuz I haven't checked the battle(But now I know you seriously won) Very dope verse. I loved the way you approached the topic, more abstract than I would have expected. The eding was definately my favorite part, a nice way to finish a great piece. Props on winning the battle..
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  3. #3
    I found a prefix!!!! f-gee's Avatar
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    sadly slept on... (like my stuff ..heh)


    again great use of english language utilised thruout the piece
    not quite as abstract as some of your previous stuff but seemed to find a medium
    worked well..

    'This is how I focus daily, stabbed in the back by my focal point
    ^fukin ill

    'I'm tired of confidence, coaxing my optics, now- sleeping partners
    I have this dream- I'm the 3rd inhabitant of Edan....weeding gardens
    ^as above

    have to say the opening lines reeled me in..but in fact the whole verse was opening lines
    delight to read
    and the ending capped it off with a finishing touch of quality
    really liked the way you rhyme words and dont look for that easy option if you comprehend
    eg wife/life type shit wont be found in your text
    which can only be a good sign
    You need Ghost Dog in your DVD collection


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    it's a bold statement - the new youtube

  4. #4
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
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    ^It is pretty sad that stuff like this get slept on...Once again..and again....and again...you have amazed me...I said this before..and I will say it again{I'm sure I'll say it again in your next piece}...*Stamps* Legendary...{I envy you^^}

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    wow. I think this is the first piece of yours I have actually buckled down and read, and it was well worth the read. Your perception on the topic, though as said above, abstract, shined through your words in every line. your flow was on point throughout. Beautiful, just beautiful.

    if you could hit up my piece in my sig, I would appreciate it.

  6. #6
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    Thanks Accelerate...your verse was dope as well though =)

    Appreciate all the feedback

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  7. #7
    hoblyricist
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    sup yo its ya boy,east side yo how do u get to battle

  8. #8
    and the tai kwon monks ! Methane's Avatar
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    yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo
    yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo

  9. #9
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    lol

    How rood?!

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  10. #10
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    Darn it

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  11. #11
    Rock you in the Face Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic's Avatar
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    hey, mines got buried 3 pages ago..don't feel bad
    Hence Forward.. BURR!
    [YOUTUBE]seYxVBIsycE[/YOUTUBE]
    Just watch My Back, I got the front.

  12. #12
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    LOL..yea..normally my pieces drop to there and beyond

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  13. #13
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Ye Gods - I thought you were just being witty with the "Soundshit" in your sig.

    *reads text twice to erase memory of sonic pandamenion*

    Nice text again. You're very skilled with words - you provoke a backdrop of emotion to your message. Liked:
    I'm tired of confidence, coaxing my optics, now- sleeping partners
    I have this dream- I'm the 3rd inhabitant of Edan....weeding gardens
    and
    This is how I focus daily, stabbed in the back by my focal point
    days spent as a waste to my optimistic search for the hopeful noint
    and and
    My head is pounding- constantly, all I want, to turn in eternally
    worse is how I certainly don't deter this greif that determines me terminally

    Keep writing - I really enjoy your stuff.
    Last edited by SMZ; February 19th, 2004 at 02:17 PM

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    I'm dead.


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    Hence Forward

  14. #14
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    LOL...Nope I'm never sarcastic about that stuff... I'm just trying to be innovative, you know?!

    Thanks for the read

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