User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 16

Thread: Unlikely alias

  1. #1
    Soft Focus
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Aussie Hip Hop
    Posts
    1,854
    Battle Record
    23-10

    Unlikely alias

    This is for a topical battle, i didnt think it was very good but what the hell.


    Billy was a peaceful man everything he did seemed to be right,
    He Claimed to love all his neigbours and never to have gotten into a fight,
    He was a perfectionous at school, one of the best at sport,
    He and his Wife had been going out for 20 yrs and had never really fought,
    His family had been the opposite so he tried to be the best he could,
    He had 3 children and gave them the best love he knew he should,
    So one day when his head erupted you see he was kinda worried,
    He recorded the voices in his diary, and he fought to ignore them,
    Until he didnt know whose voices were who and sought to record them,
    Dear diary, i long to kill that bitch, and kill my children with pleasure,
    He began plotting all of there death and booked out a desperate measure,
    He acted normally to his wife, kept his mind sharper than a knife,
    He said he was taking them for a drive, but he "forgot" something,
    Loked the car door and pretended that he dropped something,
    but the car was started and the muffler was plugged in,
    So when they all passed out he wore a manic grin,
    He was found out eventually and sent to jail for homicide,
    He tried to deny it, and even tried to commit suicide,
    You see even the most normal of people can become crazed,
    So when the Police found this out they were dazed,
    They had known billy. they had grown up in the same year,
    And he always said that "to become to normal was his worse fear"
    Soft Focus



    ...The Return Of The Legends...

  2. #2
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    ..::::..::..::::..
    Posts
    2,550
    Battle Record
    8-87
    very nice...I really liked this..your concept was good(duh~this was a topical..^^)your cheme was good..flow nice...most importanly story was pretty well told..you have a good shot winning your battle(all depends on who you're battling..LOL)..peace...~

  3. #3
    Soft Focus
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Aussie Hip Hop
    Posts
    1,854
    Battle Record
    23-10
    hey man^^^^^thanks for that...Im battling deacon so its gunna be hard to beat him, ill look for some peices done by you and reply.....peice
    Soft Focus



    ...The Return Of The Legends...

  4. #4
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    1,828
    Battle Record
    24-11
    Liked this alot...

    Had a nice twist to it... Nice wordplay... Good topic {obviously}... But yea... This was pretty cool... Not much vocabulary... But you made up for that with the sheer stroy tellin power of the verse...

    To improve... Erm... Use more vocabulary... Erm... Dont bold it... That really is all a can think of...

    Keep the standard up...

    Hit up 'Front Lines Vs Open Mic'... Please... Thanks...

    Pz...

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  5. #5
    Soft Focus
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Aussie Hip Hop
    Posts
    1,854
    Battle Record
    23-10
    k^^^i dont really concentrate on vocab, i just use what flows naturally
    Soft Focus



    ...The Return Of The Legends...

  6. #6
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    22,247
    Battle Record
    12-1
    I liked this piece. I liked the simplicity and story telling method you used. Reminds me of a ferry tail. The story was nice. This was an easy, and enjoyable read. I agree with free about the bolds though. Besides that, it was nice. Keep up the good work.

    Please drop feed in the link in my sig that sayes euphoria's kiss.
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  7. #7
    Soft Focus
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Aussie Hip Hop
    Posts
    1,854
    Battle Record
    23-10
    k thats what i aimed at
    Soft Focus



    ...The Return Of The Legends...

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    city of fuckville
    Age
    41
    Posts
    175
    you must be outa of ya fuckin mind to think this shit wasn't good man this was sick i like that whole psycho shit but this didn't seem like a rhyme more of a poem but anyways this was hot doin thing gun
    shut the fuck up

    even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun

    dead in middle of little of little italy
    little did we know that we riddle
    some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun

  9. #9
    Soft Focus
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Aussie Hip Hop
    Posts
    1,854
    Battle Record
    23-10
    thanks man^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Soft Focus



    ...The Return Of The Legends...

  10. #10
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    N.E.England
    Posts
    8,020
    Battle Record
    34-10
    Awards OM WOTM SS HOF SS HW Champion OM HOF 25+ Wins
    i agree this was pretty good, you came at the topic nicely..... not too played like it could have been... and it seemed pretty smooth, nuthin too complex about it, but didnt seem to take away..... all in all pretty good.....easy to follow.....
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  11. #11
    Soft Focus
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Aussie Hip Hop
    Posts
    1,854
    Battle Record
    23-10
    mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm thanks.gotten a few replies
    Soft Focus



    ...The Return Of The Legends...

  12. #12
    Soft Focus
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Aussie Hip Hop
    Posts
    1,854
    Battle Record
    23-10
    commmmmmmmmmmon upppin
    Soft Focus



    ...The Return Of The Legends...

  13. #13
    Soft Focus
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Aussie Hip Hop
    Posts
    1,854
    Battle Record
    23-10
    ups
    Soft Focus



    ...The Return Of The Legends...

  14. #14
    Soft Focus
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Aussie Hip Hop
    Posts
    1,854
    Battle Record
    23-10
    why do theses pieces get so slept on???
    Soft Focus



    ...The Return Of The Legends...

  15. #15
    Soft Focus
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Aussie Hip Hop
    Posts
    1,854
    Battle Record
    23-10
    You are all i hate RB, No other sights with 20 000 members do peices get so slept on
    Soft Focus



    ...The Return Of The Legends...

Similar Threads

  1. all these alias'
    By Fatrick Swayze in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 94
    Last Post: March 23rd, 2015, 12:39 PM
  2. P.O.B vs Alias
    By -Alias- in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: May 30th, 2011, 03:52 PM
  3. alias....
    By John J in forum Bitch Slap!
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: May 26th, 2011, 06:15 AM
  4. Alias vs .oo.
    By -Alias- in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: May 14th, 2011, 12:48 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •