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Thread: Frustrated

  1. #1
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    Frustrated

    Ventin with Emotion

    Im tired of resigning from entirety..inspire me
    The irony expired when desire changed to rivalry
    Its time to be confined..so I retire from society
    In dire need of higher creeds..Messiahs lost their piety
    Contingent individuals have misconstrued the rituals
    That used to be the vision of the scriptural editions
    The residual officials of religious institutions
    Just epitomize the problems that are stifling solutions
    Ive encountered the abuses that account for the intrusions
    The amount of insurmountable conditions is obtrusive
    FUCK authority Im sorry, but the Democratic party
    Aint investing in your future..there attesting their seniority
    Reality has battled wit the challenges of fallacy?
    But EVERYTHING that matters has been battered to a casualty
    The cowardice has flowered into vast amounts of power
    For example, check ya stampbook that commemorates the towers
    And the phoniness continues..after everything weve been through
    Is your wedding ring material, or something you commit to?
    Do your children even matter Is divorcing just a fad?
    If the baby lives wit mommy, is she gonna see her dad?
    All the patriots surround me like a fake abyss of proud?
    Am I the only one who hates to be a face within the crowd?
    Especially the kind thats loud and ignorant without a doubt
    Its fuckin sick how many pricks have got their head above the clouds
    And I could vent until Im dead about the sentences youve read
    But thats a temporary phase because the worlds about to end?

    Thank You

  2. #2
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    This was pretty good i thought....liked the opening of it....the structure in this was alright, could be fixed up in a few spots but it was alright....you had some good flow in this i thought, flowed pretty well....had some decent multies in there....nice vocab....keep at it.

  3. #3
    Newbie kidaver's Avatar
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    shit i dug this piece the worplay was very nice. i would like to see growth topical wise but on all levels this piece is mos def a must peep

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  4. #4
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    this shit was ill.....u shud make it in2 a whole song

  5. #5
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    Thanks for the feedback... uppin for some more views

  6. #6
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    Dimense that was some pretty dope shit,
    I liked the vocab, multis, wordplay, and it was a nice topic overall,
    flow was alright I would need to hear it to a beat but pretty nice,
    and as R*O*B*B* sed...a whole song would be cool...

    P.s-Return the favor and vote on Synidals battle vs. As5a5sIn5 (me) in my signature..
    Honest Vote..
    Thx Peace

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ~HoTTie~'s Avatar
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    Dimense....I Didn't Even Know You Did Open Mics Or Topicals...But You're Very Good At Them.

    You Were Consistent With What You Were Talking About, You Didn't Change The Subject Like Most Do. Your Vocabulary Usage Was Good. I Loved Your Multi's..Especially The Opening. I Feel You Put Emotion Into This And It Shows Throught The Writing. I Give This A 10/10. Plus...The First One To Reply Said Something About Your Structure..There Is Nothing Wrong With It..

    Dope Piece. PS...Check Your PM's.

  8. #8
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    up for more views

  9. #9
    Mister. Andrew..'s Avatar
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    I liked this piece nice vocab and good flow. i give it a 9/10
    peace.
    Back.

  10. #10
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    I thought that shit was tight. I agree you should make into a song. I'd like to hear it.

  11. #11
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    I mIght ^ its kinda short uppin

  12. #12

  13. #13

    Re: Frustrated

    That was really impressive, I love the internal rhyme and how well it all flows. major props. I'd love to hear a recording of it.

  14. #14
    SCREENSHOT ASSASSIN Tool's Avatar
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    Re: Frustrated

    I'm actually curious why the fuck you went out your way to feed such ridiculously old pieces.

    closed.
    Impart wisdom
    In part wishing
    The wit-starved listen
    & dim sparks glisten.

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