I Remember (dope)

[FormulaMC]

My man, this piece was exceptional emotion wise. I could feel it on a personal level as I too have experienced a personal loss. You didn't need to get complex or use a high vocabulary and I was glad to see you just let your emotion's take control. Real deep piece and I was feeling it all the way through. Chorus wasn't long, but it was loud in it's message. Great job man. Pz.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=121013
^ ^ Feedback appreciated , Thanks.

[LM]

Uppin

[Fresh]

You were my only father figure since I was very young
And you were always proud...
...I remember all the songs we sung
Nice opener, lets us know what the gons sorta gnna be about.. I get the impression from this and the title, that its about someone dying, a father figure.. And since he's your father figure, it must mean you father isnt around... Decent..
Like a lung you were essential to me, helped me breath
But now your gone...
...I suppose everybody has a time to leave
Nice metaphor.. And original, comparing him to your lung, because hes essential in your life, and without him you feel like a piece of you is missing.. Very deep if you can understand it, which I do...
And I believe that we'll meet again at the pearly gates
I dont know why...
...But I look forward to facin my fate
You liked this guy so much, you wanna die just so you can be wit him again, those are some strong emotions.. Youm must wait to die naturally though, because suicide means you died cause of something bothering you, and that means you'll be stuck on earth with the same problems you had while you were alive..
I contemplate my place in society sometimes I wanna die
There's a reason for that...
...I never had a chance to say goodbye
Pretty simple, but its too the point.. Your emotions are writing this song for you, very dope.. You never got too say goodbye and that makes you feel that much worse.. Maybe your mad at yourself for it, and think that he's mad at you for, when hes really not mad..
And I aint gonna lie, I honestly miss you every single day
I wish you were still here...
...So I'm a make you proud in every way
Very deep, you realize he's llooking down on you, like you can feel his presence.. So your gonna do whatever you can too make him proud, Good job here...
Maybe you'll look down on me and be able to smile at me
And I'll know when it happens...
...But til then I'll just have these memories
Just like I said before, you feel his presence.. And here it says you'll know when he's smiling.. (I didnt read this before I posted on the last bar)
Now God has set you free, and you aint in no-more pain
But the truth is...
...I miss hearin your voice and talkin your name
Very deep.. The guy was in pain when he was dying, but god has taken away the pain.. Maybe the pain he was feeling when he was dying was the fact he couldnt be on earth with you anymore? Just a thought..
I'm goin insane, In every lyric I write there's a part of you
I've had many a bad day...
...But the worst is 14th July 2002
Nice imagery.. Its like your songs are dedicated to him.. It'll give you more motivation to write dope pieces, and I think it will make it more possible for you to be emotional in pieces, because someone close to you dying enables you to explore emotions you never thought you would..

I really liked this piece.. You poured your heart out.. If this is a true story, sorry for your loss bro.. I've felt your pain too man.. So many emotions in this piece.. The depth, the imagery, and metaphorical use in this piece all came together to make a really dope piece.. Good job man.. Keep it up..
Remember suicide isnt the answer, you'll have the same problems as before, only you'll be stuck on earth forever.. And that gives you one extra problem, and makes it impossible for any of your problems to be solved.

Peace.

[LM]

^^^Thanks....

That's the best feedback I've ever had.

Uppin.

[LM]

Uppin

[LM]

Uppin