1-2 Punch Season 27 E-Zine: Volume 3
***IMPORTANT UPDATE***
Some of you lazy bastards need to stop being lazy bastards. We will no longer be accepting shitty ass votes!!! Look below for examples of shitty ass votes that will no longer be counted:
I will not be accepting votes like these anymore. There was some other votes that were shitty too I just posted the worst of the worst. Explain your reason why you voted who you did other than "other dude was trash". Lackluster votes will not count towards final score of the battle and will not count towards the 5 votes you need per week. See below for examples of a good vote:
Intro
I've updated a couple of the rules, if you want to check them out again. Basically 5 vote requirement (instead of voting on every battle) and contenders and champ are mandatory to vote on. A couple of you were slacking on the voting, so next week I'll be looking over everything and penalizing everyone who didn't meet the minimum voting (including those who leave shitty ass votes).
Battle Summaries
Smog vs Requiem
vs
Smog took this one comfortably. He had a good personal which connected and got the job done. Requiem had an ok attempt at wordplay but his execution was way off. I woulda gone something like "if for every time he gets a penny, why's this clown still broke" or something like that (coulda mentioned him living in the gutter in the first line to add to the correlation) to be more effective. I can see Requiem getting a lot better by the end of this season though.
Witty vs KnowP
vs
KnowP had a mehhh nameplay whereas witty had a non connecting similie. By non connecting I mean the punch didn't connect with knowp. The correlations within the bar connected but it wasn't harsh nor was it a proper punch imo.
KnowP took this one fairly easily.
Basic M vs Krucial Thirt3en
vs
I wasn't impressed with this battle.. I think basic m thought this would be an easy win so he dropped a very sub par "kru" nameplay that had weak correlations and just seemed rushed. His first line talked about his talent and how theres no debating he's trash then his second line goes to shooting guns and a weak flip off of kru. Make sure your entire bar makes sense not just the last line. Krucial dropped a weird punchline that was just wayyyy too wordy and didn't directly attack his opponent. You could have used basic trash and done something like "we know basic trash, s'why I got this battle in the bag" (just a quick format don't judge me) and it would have been better. All that extra "shady on my stage" and "m's / ems face" and "slims jason mask" just took away from the basic trash concept (which was already worded horrible). I know you thought you had some type of thought provoking punchline that had all these angles, but really it was overkill and took away from any potential it might have had..
boston vs Joe Boston
nothing
vs
"prays it gets him in the sheets hes hoping" is redundant like smog said. Takes away from the impact of the punch by having shit like this. All in all an okay punch, nothing crazy but it was a classic Joe Boston 'take something from the news and turn it into a loosely correlated punchline usually with no personal factor to it'...
plethora vs Bomb Bard
vs
nothing
plethora had a nice punch this week. Decent namelay with a personal tied in as well. Not much more to say about this battle, plethora wasted a decent punch on a no showing faggot.
OG Maestro vs Crack Morris
I dunno who crack morris is but he had a decent punch i thought with a wordplay and current event tied into it. I honestly felt crack morris should have taken the dub here, but voters felt otherwise... so what can you do. Either way it was still close and OG had a decent punch too. One thing I didn't like about either punch is that they were both longgg as fuck lol try and shorten them up. The more you can fit into less, the more it'll have impact.
Diso vs. Heise
nothing
vs
nothing
Faggots
King Los Freestyle
[youtube]RbimBJJiGUA[/youtube]
Week 3 Top Punches
5. KnowP
4. Crack Morris
3. OG Maestro
2. plethora
1. Smog
Congratulations to @Smog and @plethora for holding down the 2 top punch spots 3 weeks in a row now!
Babes: Miss [insert country here] Edition
Miss Canada
Miss USA
Miss Puerto Rico
Miss Mexico
Miss England
Week 4 Match Ups / Predictions
Alphabet vs Smash
Alphabet is back from his door to door vacuum cleaner selling career that never took off and he's ready to take off some heads I'm sure.. Alphabet has been doing this a long time and has many well known names under is belt. Smash is more of a video battler but he can drop decent from time to time. But I think Alphabet is going to take this one easily as long as he doesn't sleep on him.
Alphabet: 70 | Smash: 30
Belooshka vs Krucial Thirt3en
I dunno what's gonna happen here. Belooshka is a troll and may not even show or he may drop something that's capable of beating Krucial. Krucial had an eye opening battle last week as he now has a better idea of whats hot and whats not when it comes to good punchlines.. I think Krucial has the edge on this one though.
Krucial Thirt3en: 60 | Belooshka: 40
Joe Boston vs plethora
Joe Boston still dropping current event lines almost every time he drops so with that being said along with his inability to utilize his concepts properly, I think it's safe to say plethora will take this one. Unless something unforeseen happens like aids and he loses by DQ, I can't see Joe Boston beating him.
plethora: 80 | Joe Boston: 20
Smog vs KnowP
KnowP is gonna have to drop something proper to get the edge here.. He was long ago much higher tiered than Smog. But Smog has surpassed KnowP by a fair amount and is one of the first names people will think of in this day and age when top RB battlers is brought up. A couple years ago I may have predicted differently, but today its gonna be:
Smog: 70 | KnowP: 30
Crack Morris vs Allen Knight
Crack Morris proved he has the mechanics down of writing a punchline, so lets see how he does. Allen Knight is consistently dropping good punches and has a resume that can prove he has what it takes to beat the best. Crack Morris will have to drop fire if he's thinking of beating AK.
Allen Knight: 70 | Crack Morris: 30
Requiem vs OG Maestro
Requiem is one of those dudes who's trash but thinks he's amazing. OG Maestro is one of those dudes who thinks he's a master sensei and that he's got it all figured out. Both of them have heads too big for their bodies, but one of them has the higher chance of being the victor.
OG Maestro: 60 | Requiem: 40
The Villain. vs Viral
The Villain. aka Dagel is a topical guy so I have no idea what kinda shit he's gonna come up with.. Viral is a nobody, at least that will be the case until his alias is revealed (if he's an alias). I think if Viral actually shows, he will beat Dagel but I don't know if he will show.
Viral: 60 | The Villain.: 40
Witty vs Basic M
Witty has shown that he can come up with nice concepts but has not shown that he can form his punches from his creative concepts properly. Sweet multi's and Good metaphors and similies don't win these types of battles too often. Basic M has proven he can drop heat but has also shown he either doesn't always take pride or he underestimates his opponents. Basic do me a favour, and drop like you were against the best so we can see what you're made of. I got Basic with the edge on this one though.
Basic M: 60 | Witty: 40
WEEK 1 WTF'S
WTF @ Requiem crying because he didn't get a contender spot right away?
WTF @ Amen mingling with everyone but not actual doing anything productive? Sign up for 1-2 you father fucker!
WTF @ Joe Boston not liking being in the WTF's?
WTF @ Joe Boston?
WTF @ Crack Morris getting robbed?
WTF @ Amen being afraid of midgets?
WTF @ Alphabet coming back to RB and battling again?
WTF @ Miss Canada being the best looking bitch of the bunch?
WTF @ Miss Puerto Rico being the ugliest bitch of the bunch? @Amen
WTF @ Me lying about Miss Canada? Miss Mexico might be the baddest bitch...
WTF @ Witty fucking peoples sisters?
WTF @ Heise and Diso double no show? Faggots
WTF @ Amen pretending other people wear tube socks but he actually got caught wearing tube socks????
WTF?!?!?!
Outro
I hope you motherfuckers drop some bars and we weed out these no showing cock handlers. I hope Amen stops talking shit about how he's the best at text but never backs it up. You had one HOF pic battle with salamander, you aren't top tier you old carrot stick looking ass humpty dumpty crome dome head havin ass bitch. Joe Boston if you post a shadow boxing video I will let you have sex with Witty and Requiems sisters at the same time. Glad Allen Knight is back.
Beooshka > Kill Spree and Amen combined. Fuck you all. Peace