first piece, short..

[p@tience..]

is 2 have had nd lost better den not havin at all?,
dats da question many have asked,sad, wen dey fast 2 rise and fall,
but would da drop have hurt as much, if u werent on top? but who has ever heard of such?
ambition´s wat drives us but wat happens wen u cant work da clutch?
cus wen troubles touch, u gotta stay on ur toes like double dutch,
u gotta step up hard nd not crumble like a deck of cards,
its easy 2 stay down nd always want 2 run,
but u need 2 pik urself up like a game of one on one,
man i had it all, den life grab my attention like sum adderall,
kick off da team now ill would b glad 2 ball, was radical,
pussy on command a nigga just had 2 call,
but ask jay as dey say success is like suicide,
cus even if u do it right, ask jesus ull still end up crucified,
so whose 2 say if ull survive, life is shitty, dats y alot of niggas r full of life,
cus wen things r bad,nd ur payin da cost, ur niggas wont b hangin 2 fall
so da question is 2 have had nd lost better den not havin at all?


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325853
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326371

[ßLÄÇK JÖKÈR]

This was short, it flowed well, decent work man try make it more detailed and lengthy for a better read but overall i'd say for your first drop like 6.1/10

Drop Me Critcism on this pleaze http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326386

[Forum]

all in all this was a decient drop...choppy flow mixed in that structure...the content of the piece was felt from a intellectual standpoint....ya multi's were aiight which brought a bit of the flow out...but some spot's were worder akwardly...but nothing to badly...I see that you have potential...so keep on writing kid...

[Alphabetized]

A pretty interesting piece here.
I think you could have easily expanded the topic, and written
a lot more on this, because although short, it still held me attention
and I really enjoyed the way you closed it.
I think if you had taken a longer time writing this and really
developed it a lot more, It could have been a very nice piece.
As of right now, it's nothing short of avearage.
Keep writing! Cool first piece!

[p@tience..]

aight thanks 4 da critique, ill try 2 elevate..i shouldve expanded da piece more ya´ll right...