Good Luck, Mr Christopher Goggins.

[Issue]

Good luck, Mr. Christopher Goggins.



As a wet & wild winters morn dawned against a storm already formed,
Christopher Goggins set forth towards a task for he had been warned.
The sporn of several angels, & born of devilishly handsome strangers,
Brought up through this world by men dressed as thankful labourers,
As favourite of his neighbours deemed to be possessed & dangerous,
Satanists, & pagans, with human faces & certificates of birth papers.
He did them strange little favours like passing on his mothers flavours,
Recipe's of human delicacies saved only for the embassies & saviours.
Meant to be a helpful teenager but instead he was deemed stressful,
A messy pest, pesky, dreadful with a shed-full of mischief on red bull,
Meddeling himself in things he would never even begin to understand,
Now & forever banned from this land as his Father reaches 4his hand.
On his last night home he had planned his destiny, his future in sand,
& best wishes, blessed kisses, began on his journey becoming a man.
We catch up with him standing atop the tallest mountain we can see,
Hes backing up & being strangled by the hounds that he'd set free!!!
Reaching the mountain peak he had been watching the fountain leak,
& For sixteen weeks he had waited desperately to first feed his thirst,
& then to drown himself the curse which he been wearing since birth.
Working up the courage to undress while feeling things watching him,
He had bent his spine forward unleashing his wings & dropping them.
His existance had, so far, been desperately waiting to release them,
Banished atop this mountain, he'd finally watch them fall beneath him.
Weakened, & alas experiencing Nirvana, his stomach ached & turned,
Releasing the seething hatred of his Father, he fell, so numb & hurt.
& Somewhere in the darkness, his burning soul had been split in two,
Now all of the heartless, who put him to what he he'd gone through,
Still awake to the screaming, knowing Christopher Goggins will never,
Feel the pain, or the healing, for which would be, forever bleeding.













http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324852
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324197

[Issue]

As I've left decent replies & opinions on other people pieces,
Hopefully, they will all return the favour & leave me some feed!

[ugotstachill]

This was pretty deep man. The choice of worplay was excellent and it had a nice all around flow to it. This sounds like some high powered shit but honestly, if this were on wax, it would be dead. It was cool but not very interesting.

[Issue]

Well, as its poetically written, I dont want to turn it into Tipsy, or anything of the like, I have no plans to record this. Dont be so ridiculous.

[Clee]

Great read.

This was an incredible piece, and I really enjoyed reading it, you had a very professional delivery, your flow was very consistent, and the multis and how you worded everything was great. I really liked the storyline, and the details, and how you portrayed him as a static character, with a strong description for beginning to end.

He did them strange little favours like passing on his mothers flavours,
Recipe's of human delicacies saved only for the embassies & saviours.


My favorite bar. Your style that you used here was unique and very talented, and the only thing I could say to improve this in my point of view is maybe break it up to make it an easier read. But overall I really enjoyed this piece, and I look forward to reading more from you.

[Issue]

Thank you very much.

[Issue]

Bump.

[Issue]

Bump!

[Issue]

Bump?

[Spoken]

this wasa clever mix up in this man you did a nice job in grasping what you needed not only of what you wanted but you got a hold of what you wanted to say in diffrent ways yet with such meaning and complexity that you came about wording it well and really assorting your own style out from the other writers.. i havent heard from you much i mean i have heard of you but lately i havent seen shit from you and now i read this and it is a nice job you did here with a kind of abstractive inner emotion topical here man you did a good job on this lso your vocab was used well i mean nothing over the top or anything like that so good job man and keep it up!.

[Tebo]

I liked how he has wings & you described him like on Red Bull lol.

It was good, the story was a origional one. The extra rhymeing bsides at the end of ea line made it more interesting to read & flow better. Ugotstatchill said it wasn't very interesting but I think it was cause it was a origional topic & the rhyme scheme would make people wanna finish reading it, just due to the quality compared to some things.

Funny how you described him as on Red Bull, cuz he DOES have wings lol.

[Warming]

sporn of several angels?

ok besides that... you had a fairly interesting story
my only complaint with it is "We catch up with him standing atop the tallest mountain we can see" and apparently missed alot, though we do find out he was exiled for having wings (and trying to find a cure)

sounds similar to arch-angel from x-men

your flow was decent throughout

Working up the courage to undress while feeling things watching him,
He had bent his spine forward unleashing his wings & dropping them.

i would have enjoyed seeing you mix up the line length a little more and approach some of your internal transitions differently but it was overall very polished

[Issue]

Sporn, spawn, whatever, you're pulling me on spelling?


Thank you all for the feed!

[Soule]

The wordplay was nice. The Flow was constant. The Emotion was very mature and deep. The Creativty was incredible. The Imagenaityon was very wild and great. The Structre was nice and the lines were very evened up. The Storyline was magnifecent. I liekd the peice. Keep it up Homie. Hit up Anxiety Time pelase.

~Bell.

[Engivale]

Belligerant you say almost the same thing every time you read a piece. You list off every cliche about writing on this site, structure, wordplay, imagery, emotion, flow, and then give like an adjective about it and that's it, it's always like five lines at most and painfully obvious you have no actual opinion about whatever you're leaving feedback about. But whatever, that's how you do, I'm just saying it's funny.

Now, for the piece itself, it was cool, I was meaning to check it out after witness told me he liked your stuff... a good little read, you had the flow going pretty well and definitely made your story progress to its end in a, like, quickening way. Like, I started to sort of speed up the rhythm as it kept going and getting closer to the eventual chaos at the end, the nirvana and everything. A fun read, I think you just need to maybe change up your structure to help your reader see the pauses and line breaks, but still, for the first thing I've read from you, it sure was nice. Good job.