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Thread: a million eyes

  1. #1
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    a million eyes

    a million eyes disguised to hide in plain view
    tha plane flew too close,your just ashamed too
    to see ya self doin drugs and committin crimes
    while you spendin time,ill be livin,just spittin rhymes
    listen to this written sign,apocalyptic in its scriptures
    drugs fucked you,too keep memories you gotta take pictures
    without ya still im wit ya,that life is gonna get ya
    thats why ya lost ya kid,tha cost in bids couldnt outweigh
    how fuckin washed she is,a whore soar from sex
    tha smell of ciggarettes on her breath and death on her neck
    just a speck thats left without family,tha drugs you handed me
    was bought from her dealer,he left her stranded see
    she couldnt pay him,hes a pimp without tha limp,she thinks hes playin
    cant hear him sayin words,her visions blurred
    her face is broke and she lost her herb,it sounds absurd
    but its far from,another chapter for this story,this is just one...
    Last edited by sILLable; January 31st, 2007 at 09:00 AM


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  2. #2
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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  3. #3
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    Re: a million eyes

    your imagery was on..liked the concept explain shit
    from your own eyes if this shit was real or
    made up wordplay, flowed out good.
    hope U got Skillz.

  4. #4
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Re: a million eyes

    up..


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  5. #5
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Re: a million eyes

    Decent, man. Far from the best, but not the worst Ive read today.
    My main critisism, though, is the structure & the overall grammer of the piece. I got lost in places, found it didnt make sense or didn't flow right, with some work on the overall presentation of your work I think you'd elevate very well. I liked your multi's in some of the lines, & apart from the first bar not really making sense, you got your point across. Some imagery showing through also, which is good, its a start. Along the lines of "Wonder Why They Call Ya Bitch" by 2Pac, thats the type of story I get from here, its played but it happens so it cant be hated on.
    Keep working man,

    RtF
    Ode To Heart Disease.

  6. #6
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Re: a million eyes

    its actualy storyless....the basis of this piece isnt really anything...just some rhymes i through together...when i do write a piece that has a story plot to it..its morestabilized...the story unfolds as its read..this was a minor compilation of pieces ive written outside of RB..i put together..its been so long since ive dropped anything i had to drop something...forgot how critical a piece had to be to be takin serious on this site...good eye though...better criticism than tha last kat who criticized it....~1~


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  7. #7
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Re: a million eyes

    up...............


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  8. #8
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Re: a million eyes

    up.....


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  9. #9
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Re: a million eyes

    up....


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  10. #10
    -Arts Form of Humanity
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    Re: a million eyes

    nice put together and there isnt really much to say cus there is no point behind it just some words added together ya know but yea man nice flips and isha nd the emotion is this was kinda coo and some lines were a nice addition...creative ina way man nice drop though, even though you havent written in a while man but yea... no worries man nice drop in a way still

    holla back and hit this up
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323948
    Written Voices.
    Verbal Intercourse.

  11. #11
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    Re: a million eyes

    This piece was well done, and you put it together nicely. The concept of this piece was...well there wasn't a real concept lol but I like pieces like this. The emotion was alright. You were creative in this piece, and it was a nice drop. keep up

    can u hit up "Ride Till We Die" plz
    Need Closing

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    graveyard

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    5-0

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    5-1

  12. #12
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Re: a million eyes

    thnks...up....


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  13. #13
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Re: a million eyes

    one last up...


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  14. #14
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Re: a million eyes

    i liked it...

    had nice flow... the topic like you said.. there wasen't much.. but looked like it was mostly about a girl... like i said flow was on point... tid bits of imgerry here and there.

    tha smell of ciggarettes on her breath and death on her neck
    just a speck thats left without family,tha drugs you handed me

    ^ i liked those lines... sepcially the first one...not much more to really say man... too short to break down much more... but its good to see you posting again...

    peace.
    READ MORE

  15. #15
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Re: a million eyes

    appreciate it....ill be postin a little more frequently...had to take a hiatis..ya know


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