Pain City comes to Loserville...

[Born To Kill]

A Tale of Two Cities…

Pain City comes to Loserville

I’m from Loserville, where an abuser’s will fails everyday...
And cruisers filled with boozer’s swill are such a common cliché.
While cops call in for a rap-sheet, they spit bile in the backseat...
Past plaqued and cracked teeth while puss from their tracks seep.
Everyone’s got an addiction or affliction that’s winning the fight...
And two strikes called convictions that keep them in shadows at night.
All pretty girlies get knocked up too early...it’s like there’s no escape...
From laced GHB, slipped Ecstasy...the inevitable incest or date rape.
And not one single father bothers with child support or care...
Most aren’t even there and those who are...wallow in drunken despair.
See, Loserville’s like a banshee...
It’ll drive you to drink or stay high for enjoyment.
Cuz minimum wage is a fantasy...
When you stand in lines called Unemployment.

My big break began breaking when I saw cash for the taking...
Local loan sharks kept em quaking but I was hungry, stomach aching.
Watched em drop a sack when he climbed in the back of his limo...
And I saw that sack was fat so I hit the fire escape out my window.
Snatched it up fast, there was so much money from collections...
That by the time I got back to my pad I was kickin an erection.
So excited about tomorrow...I’m finally gonna leave this city...
Leaving behind these horrors...so for me, don’t feel any pity.

It didn’t take long for my arm so strong to get the info I need...
I’d offer up bucks, but I prefer threatening cuts since no one likes to bleed.
Apartment D4 on the fourth floor...the lock was easily picked...
Chloroform rag, duct tape and a gag...helps with the pain I plan to inflict.
A sharp slap wakes him up...then the “You don’t steal from me!” speech...
Followed by several severing cuts that severely shorten his reach.
Fingerless and frightened...agony etches his facial expressions...
While this session of aggression starts to give me an erection.
S’just a perk of the profession...I giggle and pat it in playful salute...
Then cut this kid’s tongue out for not telling me he’d found my loot.
Leave em laying and taped...face down in his pile of fingers...
Then just for kicks...raped...so not just pain, but shame lingers.
I’m considered criminal scum cuz I’d leave ya in the desert thirsty...
But it’s like that where I’m from; Pain City shows no mercy.

The End

[Born To Kill]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=323195&page=2

[Born To Kill]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...62#post5449462

[Born To Kill]

Bump, motherfuckers...

[Born To Kill]

You know...

I've got about 4 pieces in Legends...

You think SOMEONE would read this fuckin rhyme.

[Atti]

you've got to give more feedback.

but yeah, this piece was ok. the creative, and more original aspecs that I loved about this, I feel became overshadowed by the the nagging typoes and grammatical faults. so many places you added letters to the ends of words, where it looked like you just accidental hit a key or got the space bar at the wrong time. stuff like that is so easy to fix with a proof read. contectually however, I really liked the degrees of contradiction and irony that all of your characters displayed. it came out clever and fun to read, it was just interestesting all together. from there in that first verse you started to span more into your storyline and off the intro.. and, it stayed with that clever approach. but, those nagging errors never seemed to get skirted. overall, I was up and down because I liked it, but it was a pain in the ass to read with all the little annoyances.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324274

[soulstice.]

I've never seen you post a piece, and im glad i finally got to rwead an original... sweet scheme, and a good story with twists and turns much like the born to kill in the legends... some inner rhymes thrown in to the piece as well.. this was well put together, and the topic you used was kind of a mix of insult to injury tale of two cities.. so it made it all more original. some qualsm i had was with the rhyme scheme it made it difficult, because in some places the scheme was less complex and it was followed by some inner rhyme strings.. toher than that, glad to see your back... goood job

[Richard Parker]

this was a cool piece... I like how you proed that you're capable of multi-syllabic rhyming! lol! Conceptually, it was interesting... I'm not going to say totally new but definitely different than anything I've read. However, it lacked the intensity that I've seen in some of your other pieces. None of the sadistic nature though. lol. nice job man. would give better feed but I'm playing rainbow six, some thing take priority...

[Born To Kill]

Well...Rainbow 6...

I couldn't expect to compete against that.

But thanks for the feed, my man.

Much appreciated.

[Ink Edible]

Good ish...

I liked the rhyme scheme with the inter multi rhymes and ish...Good story and description...PLayed the emotion kool...Middle was a nice set up to the end and a great tie in with the Pain City line...Pretty much said above but Nice drop...

[Born To Kill]

Thanks...

[Pious]

This was pretty sick, I liked the rhyme scheme and the story. Imagery was unreal, almost reminded me of the movie "sin city". i don't see anywhere you really need to improve on this piece. it was a perfect story with a perfect length, rhyme scheme, and imagery. i liked how you wrote 2/3 of it from one person's point of view then the last bit as the other's. good concept. peace