The Cold Goes Too Deep

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"THE COLD GOES TOO DEEP”

It took many years to conquer these fears,
Envied all my peers, as their father appears.
They lived complete, two role models intact,
In fact, let me retract the previous statement
I had two as well, the second was just late sent
What a wonderful man to step into my life
took me on the day my mom became his wife.
You raised me but the ice in my heart is thick
We picked and picked, but it made me sick,
Was I not good enough, did I make a mistake?
Or is it you being selfish and I couldn’t partake.
You greedy, self centered, excuse of a parent,
your life you couldn’t share it, its apparent.
The disease known as anger floods my feeling,
Maybe to a child its appealing, to me its stealing
My childhood, my life, and my contentment,
Even to this day, believe there’s resentment,
I would never voice these concerns of pain,
For we have a slight relationship to regain
But maybe it’s just another wild goose chase
But if I didn’t try, I couldn’t look at my face.

I know I’m better than you, I know I’m better than you,
I know I love my son, I know I’m better than you

Years have passed now, thanks for the example,
I know what not to do, thanks for the sample.



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323034
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323223

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Feed Me Please.....im A Hungry Hungry Man

[mc pyro.]

nice very very nice topic was good liked how you showed your feelings towards a step father figure the peice was short but you never got off track the flow was the best part of it amazing never a dull moment with that flow thats what really kept me interested dont get me wrong the rhyme shceme was good and so was the structure but the flow was excellent great job on that good peice keep it up
leave feed on the om in my sig

[DaMicSnatcher]

I really liked the topic as well, and I think a lot of people can relate. I felt the emotions in this and most of the lines flowed pretty well and you stayed to one point. You expressed a new feeling in every line which may have been the thing that appealed to me most. Though it was short, I feel there is great potential here. Keep it up

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thanks for the feed...i will be hitting all links left

[Atti]

this was alright, alittle boring, but you had some steady emotion and an ok flow. I wish you would have used alittle more technique in your meter, it was basically just bare minimum simplistic everday sort of thing.. and in a piece that doesn't have much imagery or plot, a really heavily tech-up meter may have made the piece a bit less dry. so, cool piece, just alittle too simplistic for my taste.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323172

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Bump...rize

[StoOoOne420]

i think this is a deadly rhyme... i can relate to this... i think u got mad skills... keep doin yer thing boi lol peace out.......................<3

[Axeshun]

Nice shit first off, great emotion very nice I liked how you mixed up the flow a bit though at some points like the beggining it was a bit choppy then it picked up from there on I liked the fact that your diction wasn't filled with that much useless vocabulary and things to further add complexity to the natural complexity the peice had with simple vocab, there was a great amount of imagery used though not to the fulll advantage so now that takes away from the creativity a bit which I was too impressed with from the beginning though I still liked this peice very much man cool shit here....keep droppin.

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Bump...thanx For The Feed....dov, Im Lookin Into What Your Suggestions Were, And Appreciate The Tactics

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rize like....something that rizes

[Ru Pious]

Str8 piece but it was really emotional. but i felt that this lack much imagry, but dont get me wrong it was a good concept, str8 strucure. i think you should expand the vocabulary so the flow dont sound bit simple . but it was a decent drop ... keep the science up fams.

peep the sig....WoRD^

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bump...ill hit the links monday...sry for the delay of all who have dropped feed

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bump