Reflective Suicide

[P. Mortuus]

Reflective Suicide

They say life is a mix poetry and passion
Why not “Make a pair” & try to fuckin’ match ‘em
not happening… it’s like a mix of bag of goodies
Reapers a Goth rapper wearing black--fuckin’ hoodies
Life’s a gory horror--we were bloody at fuckin’ birth
Carried from the hospital straight dropped in a hearse
A curse--we shouldn’t have ever even moved
Dangling one legged-in graves we never even sluiced
Abused our relations at best--Failed every test ………..
And let loose the rage of being fuckin’ worth-less
I’m not sad----I’ve lived life passively in dread
Saw her getting smacked---I couldn’t careless
Just another drugged out friend of a departed cokehead
He deals in Fuckin ‘lies- telling me I’d be fear—less
I see him dart away—at my angers fuckin’ rise
Forgive me for this shit—just thoughts before my demise

See I’m an example of what society did to people
Acted friendly they made me disown my fuckin’ steeple
I was a pupil with dreams in my pupils—dreamy eyed
Till they pulled my hair & made me eat the fuckin’ flies
I wasn’t bad from birth—just maybe a cross reaction
The doctor was a virgin-spanked me for fuckin’ action
And I screamed—unleashing streams
“The babies fine” he classified my bloody earthly-being
Seeing strange images I finally fathomed
Wins only comes to those—with the guts to grab ’em
They stabbed them---let me burn my dreams alive
Wrote obituaries with crocodile tears in their eyes
Forgive me for this shit—it’s a prelude to my demise

Police:
"We have a 10-54d (possible dead body)
Correction..we have a 29" (Death)

[P. Mortuus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...55#post5399755
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...66#post5399766

[Alphabetized]

Short, Clean, Cool.

You had a pretty smooth flow here.
Imagery was there, but it could have been better...
although it is hard to elaborate into great detail
and imagery when you have a short drop like this.
However, I still think you manged to emotionalize it
enough so that it could really hit home... pretty cool
way to end it if you ask me. Flow like I said was smooth
and straight throughout the verse, the word usage
was a bit grundgy, but it really helped to portray an emotion
of anger, and i think it really benefitted overall.
Cool drop.. no link for you to hit or anything.
Just thanks for the read!

[P. Mortuus]

No doubt, thanks for the comments.

[Try U MPH]

I love your style paka. You continue to amaze me in how far youve come since last year... Keep your shit up man. Love the vocab you use and how it flows with every one of your pieces

[DOC]

Nice Nice.. liked It.."I wasn’t bad from birth—just maybe a cross reaction
The doctor was a virgin-spanked me for fuckin’ action"..
^^that line was Sick and Twisted..Im Never Taking My Wife To Have My Kids In A hospital now..lol..Anyway.. Sweet Flow.. I Was Able to Follow It no problem Liked the Cross From Birth To Death..Powerful also..It's Easy To See the anger In the Person Dropping It.. Nice Work..

[Main-EvenT]

nice shit ... i enjoyed this peice it was short and it got 2 tha point... ur creativity was at a good level but it coulda been a lil bit better....ur flow was on.. i was really able 2 follow along wit everyline u were sayinn

Overall Good Read



hit tha battles in tha sig if u can.. if not w.e

[craz-E-]

shit was tight liked the concept .....it had a direct impact props on this....
Craz-E-

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks all commenters..will check linkages as soon as possible no doubt.

[Soule]

Wonderful,

The wordplay was great dude, loved it lots. The Flow was perfect and smooth. The Structre was nice and easy to read. basic in other words and I like basic structres. The Imagenation was incredible not to mention the wonderful Emotion driven here. Want to colab with me now?

~Belli.

[Novelist]

That was hot the only thing i didint like was your use of fuck. I'll admit i dont like to use curse words in my meterial but i also feel the express great emotion and should only be used when a writer is doing that. for example when you said (" And let loose the rage of being fuckin’ worth-less) fuckin' worth-less expressed great emotion but when you said ("Reapers a Goth rapper wearing black--fuckin’ hoodies") Fuckin' hoodies was not it made no sense to use the word hoodies would have done fine. its a few more lines like that, it would be good pratice to catch words like that. Yo man but other then that, it was real dope i really enjoyed reading it.

[P. Mortuus]

Only time i used fuckin was when i needed it if i take out the curse before hoodies it would've dented the flow, good lookin though, stay up^.

[P. Mortuus]

Up.

[BootyLover]

This made me feel as though you were gangsta.

[P. Mortuus]

Coming from King of lounge thats big.