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Thread: Orthograph

  1. May 11th, 2006, 07:34 PM #1
    Syk.iLL
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    Orthograph

    Standing atop a blueprint
    With a fragile foundation
    As my fingers developed a limp
    Testing the tension's patiences
    In an ocean where white currents spit
    Forth from the illegitimate stepfather of creation
    Rip Van Winkle with missing history pages
    Painted on his marbled forhead
    such as the death of a prostitute
    In Venice, a legitimate merchant.
    Rusted adobe houses distilled with liquid roads
    Her toes half dipped polished with blood
    Running from the nose. Over rapids,
    Nipple buoys floated on rose petals
    Left by victor who ripper her
    Stomach open to feed his family
    With barley leaves black with death
    Pink stomach acid glowed from what was left
    A meal before exile or a fine of
    Infinte breath

    The tale to the shape of a square
    To fill each grid increment
    With pieces of fare skin
    Trying to create the perfect
    Beauty with foundations of intellect
    I created her once
    With an formula of accident, chance,
    and rum
    She grew into the pictures I drew
    For that all we owned, all she knew
    Or all I knew
    Until I saw a statue of my daughter
    slaughtered - the prostitute


    Ever since then I only reconstruct the sunrise
    To give me another day rebuild the crumbled
    Building of my girl's life
    But it always turns to dust at sunset
    When your building with what you have left- nothing



    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291356
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291509

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  2. May 11th, 2006, 07:39 PM #2
    ELEETE
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    Sick poetry here...Had some nice references, everything was on point, some sick description everywhere in this piece....

    "The tale to the shape of a square
    To fill each grid increment
    With pieces of fare skin
    Trying to create the perfect
    Beauty with foundations of intellect
    I created her once
    With an formula of accident, chance,
    and rum"

    That was ill my friend...Your closing was sick as well. Everything was on point in this piece. Very descriptive, intellectual, above average here. Great poetry man peace.

    Yo if you get a chance hit me back on my piece...thanks peace...
    Summer Breeze
    Last edited by ELEETE; May 11th, 2006 at 07:49 PM

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  3. May 12th, 2006, 06:58 AM #3
    Syk.iLL
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  4. May 12th, 2006, 07:23 AM #4
    Absolute
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    Yea This Was A Dope Piece Bruv Fa Sho, I Like Your Style, Everything Was On Point, Good Shit, Although This Would Of Better Suited Poetic Scriptures Cuz..
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  5. May 12th, 2006, 09:46 AM #5
    LedgenZ
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    okay.....hmmmm....huh....well....

    This was dope, to say the least. Very, very, very poetic and mobbid, but sexual, somewhat seductive and erotic w/ gruesome overtones. Your imagery could be described as both horrorcore and provocative. This piece seemed to me as if it was the personification of torments of a vampire -A cursit beast that expresses love in the the most ungodly manners. The blood, the pain, the love, the death....hmmm...maybe I'm getting a little to carried away...not matter...cause what you have here is raw, barbaric, simple and honest emotions...as well as a very technically sound verse. All in All this was dope...2 thumbs up!

    Favorite lines:

    Her toes half dipped polished with blood
    Running from the nose

    woah!
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  6. May 12th, 2006, 09:58 AM #6
    +AffIzIaL+
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    ok ok.
    first off.
    this was an ok DROP!.
    DOPE?!..yes by a slim thread!. the strucutre and concept yes a poetic touch understood. so whats it doing her in OM?!. it should be in poetic scriptures or some shit!.
    ^^
    besides the point!..LOL!
    this was a nice drop . alot of potential i see in you homes!.
    nice emotion and imagery that cought my eye and kept me interested!. However there was some areas that could have been wrod'd better or put intomuch greater proportion! The vocab was well brought also!. your delivery and sting was meh...could use more work but the creativty picked it up!.

    nice dorp homes

    RTF on the link in my sig!.
    Open Mic

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  7. May 13th, 2006, 10:17 PM #7
    Syk.iLL
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  8. May 13th, 2006, 10:19 PM #8
    ~Vertikle~
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    Horrible I give it a -3 outta 10.........good..........try...at attemptin to rap but leave it up to the professionals
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  9. May 14th, 2006, 06:46 PM #9
    Syk.iLL
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  10. December 30th, 2006, 11:15 PM #10
    Syk.iLL
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    Re: Orthograph

    Fly My Child....

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  11. December 31st, 2006, 02:47 AM #11
    P. Mortuus
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    Re: Orthograph

    Quote Originally Posted by ~Vertikle~
    Horrible I give it a -3 outta 10.........good..........try...at attemptin to rap but leave it up to the professionals

    Wow...lol.....What proffesionals you idiot.

    Poetic..should be in poetry scriptures thread would get much more praise there..nodoubt though i liked the language and how it all tied in plus your use of imager was very well...and some lines were very very clever...the bloody nose on..i was like damn there..simply for the fact it was so gruesom it became beatiful lol...Stay up and keep dropping though..you look like a head with great great RB potential.
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  12. December 31st, 2006, 09:43 AM #12
    Atti
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    Re: Orthograph

    yeah, this is definately poetry..

    I'll leave this piece open, but next time, make sure what you're leaving in this particular forum meets the requirements of an open mic/topical piece.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.
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