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Thread: Where?

  1. #1
    Po'Ethics
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    London
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    Where?

    "Where does one go when the grace of sleep arrives,
    Floating amidst the fleeting moments of different lives?
    A mere question that remains unanswered each dawn,
    Where each dream and hope is lost, simply in a yawn.
    Are our destiny's drawn, in prepared existence,
    Or do we live pointlessly without consistence?
    Passive resistance would be little to ask, but yet,
    Where is the fight? Questions are just let."


    The words sat angelically above the page,
    Fountain pen raised angularly in silent rage.
    Tearing emotion across the expensive white,
    Dripping the effluence of creativity into the night.
    "Hold me dearly," the pen screams aloud,
    Squeezing tightly, the man in the shroud.
    The lonely questions crossing his mind,
    Life is left unanswered on his last line.

    Perhaps it cannot be described in the bounds
    Of the punctuation, the words it surrounds.
    The torment of the writer is as it appears,
    Looking to create answers, but merely affirming fears.
    That which vocabulary cannot describe looms,
    The pain of no explanation matches one thousand baron wombs,
    One thousand tattered shells of men lie dying,
    The victims of human intellectualism crying.

    The writer is doomed to fail,
    Never to describe life in their tale.
    The mysteries are countless in number,
    One must merely sit back in wonder.




    Last edited by Deviate; December 17th, 2006 at 08:46 PM
    Po'Ethics Lives

  2. #2
    Po'Ethics
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    Re: Where?

    Oh, yes I just came back for a bit. Thought I might like to do some writing over the next few days. Got a lot of things to confront, writing is a comforting way to do it. Hope you're all well..

    Atticus
    Brixton
    Last edited by Deviate; December 17th, 2006 at 08:48 PM
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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! RaidersArk's Avatar
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    Re: Where?

    Good luck with that eh...
    i think ill do that to.....good ideas

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  4. #4
    Po'Ethics
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    Re: Where?

    Huh?
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  5. #5
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: Where?

    Eh, kind of embarrassing that no one is feeding this.

    You had a wonderful peice, and this is just why I can't see why your not in the HoF yet. You had very nice imaginary, really nice multies, it flowed like it should have, and the story line was unforced, yet it told a tight story, that grasps the readers mind. I loved these few lines:

    "Perhaps it cannot be described in the bounds
    Of the punctuation, the words it surrounds.
    The torment of the writer is as it appears,
    Looking to create answers, but merely affirming fears.
    That which vocabulary cannot describe looms,
    The pain of no explanation matches one thousand baron wombs,
    One thousand tattered shells of men lie dying,
    The victims of human intellectualism crying."

    I don't know why, but these lines just stood out and caught my attention. You had very discriptive details, that described just what you imaged, very nice. I'm taking this as, your having sleeping problems because of troubles? Just let me know, and keep writing. Oh, and peep your PM box nig.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  6. #6
    Po'Ethics
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    Re: Where?

    No worries. I'm in HoF 5 times.
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  7. #7
    Po'Ethics
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    Re: Where?

    Up...
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  8. #8

    Re: Where?

    Pretty Good Piece.

    Very Discriptive. You Had Good Visualizing Lines. You Had Very Good Vocab., That explained your Piece.

    So Overall=Good Piece.
    I'm Looking forward to see more from you sir.

    Keep Elevating tho.

  9. #9
    the real Makeshyft.
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    Re: Where?

    this piece is very intraspective, i liked the montonous feel to it.. the scheme was tight, i think it could be a little more deeper, such as using more complex emotions instead of long intricate words. The story line was cool, and the viewpoints relative.. good job, rtf on spirit skies please. peace.

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