Ten Cents a Flower

[Lauren.]

Ten Cents a Flower

Entwined in her arms rests the basket of flowers
Reclined in her sorrow she sighs past the hours
"Ten cents for a lily, or a pale daffodil"
Pleading eyes greet the strangers who waltz past her still
Each petal entrancing her malnourished appeal
She's hopeful to purchase her next meager meal
A dime for the crustings of yesterday's grieving
She'll swallow the lump in her throat 'stead of eating
Collapsed within mourning from morning to evening

"Ten cents for a daisy" she whimpers while sobbing
Hoping her heartache will subside with its throbbing
Her winter-nipped feet support her unsteady frame
Hollow cheeks cake with tears as her head hangs in shame
She smiles at people though scorns are reflected
No glimmer of charity work is expected
A dime for a flint shard to conjure up embers
A pathetic flame trickle warms her December
Tearfully asking God why He has condemned her

"Would you like a lilac?" she begs nearly broken
Her despair clouds the air more with each plea spoken
COllapsing, the petals float on to the pavement
Her blue skin enlightened by pastel arrayment
Each breath decrescendos, her pained grimace softens
Finding peace she pursued in vain far too often
Ten cents for a tea rose to lay on the casket
Erasing the burden of bearing that basket
Ten cents for a flower...



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316118
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316128

[DaMicSnatcher]

wow I really enjoyed the different vocablulary in this..it was used very well and each line had it's own measure of depth in my opinion...umm I also think that the concept is very original and it's refreshing to see that sometimes...so overall it was really good..keep it up

[~Mansin~]

cool...that was nice, the imagery in this peice was outstanding,
i could picture the contempt the snobs of society had for her,

Her winter-nipped feet support her unsteady frame
Hollow cheeks cake with tears as her head hangs in shame
She smiles at people though scorns are reflected
No glimmer of charity work is expected

^^that was sick
the emotion in that was mad ill as well, not to mention the
whole peice, your flow was cool, though i didnt even notice
it much as your storrytelling ability really kept me engaged
with the piece and the character, the picture was a good
idea it really set the scene ...to state the obvious lol
but i mean it i could picture the streets and atmosphere
which actually played a part in the enjoyment of the read
nice drop...keep rippin those scripts...

Rtf...hit the link....peace….

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

[Lauren.]

thanks and mansin, I'll hit ur piece with feed when I know I'll have time to leave decent feed

[Spoken]

this wasa good drop....the vocab was nicely assorted with nothing forced and it had a nice rhymescheme and content of words. the wording though in some areas were iffy and kinda questioning but it didnt take away from the flow in anyway so its koo.
the multies used un in this and the metaphorical wordings aswell were a nice asset and glammered the drop a bit more!. the emotion was a nice pronunciation aswell!...nice drop!.

RTF link in the sig!

[Relli_Mak]

I've never read any of your work before but I'll start paying attention because this was different in a very good way..your vocab was outstanding thru-out the piece and I like the structure and how the concept played out..real good piece..stay up..

[Lauren.]

thanks, and I hit up the links

[.Silence.]

This right here was a good piece.You did really good with your Imagry in this piece cuz as I read down the piece I could picture evrything that was going on.And your emotion in this piece was pretty strong too cuz I could feel what the lady was doing in this piece.And the vocabulary in this piece was good too that you use.But overall this was a good piece to read from you and I hope you drop some more pieces too.Maybe we can collab sometime.But keep up the good work and I hope to see more from you soon

[E aka BLAZE]

i really liked this piece an i agree with mic snatcher the vocab wa really used.....
i like the consept an flow of the piece definate thumbs up keep up

[P. Mortuus]

This was a good piece...i liked how you wrote this out and visually it was good to however, i believe that the image didn't suit this topic as the woman shown in it does not seem like a poor flower seller...make up gives it away lol...not taking anything away from the piece though as i personally liked it and the continuos use of emotive words such as whimper and sobbing really set a frail and fragile image of the woman in the readers mind. Overall, i liked it...there were smoe grey areas, 1 or 2 but overall, it was a very good piece. Keep the effort up^.

Some comments
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316803

[Atti]

Had an elogant vibe to it. It had it's rough spots and imperfections, but overall this was a nice emotive piece that had a fairly original approach. I've seen like-concepts, and I've actually done something similar myself, but the flower version of the poverty story was a very airy touch- I enjoyed that. My favorite part of all, would have to be the strong poetic presance that this piece gave off. Often it felt more like I was reading a poem rather than an Om, but then I'd pick up on the meter. A surprisingly interesting read, nice job.

If you could,
Vietnano-Tech.

[Lauren.]

thanks for the feed

[Lauren.]

upping

[Maaco]

The Pic helped start the piece, your emotion, flow kept me reading and ur vocab made it a English lesson ( Good thing)

This pice was sick, Very well writen the itallic made the read Real. Topic was fresh to my eyes, I could read Drop's like this all day

Theres not much u can work on.. Mabi throw in my multies in the inners?? lol i unno this piece was dope... i liked evry thing about it


Rtf

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316803

[Tragedian.]

very nice and well written with some off and on's, the picture was nice and showed that is was a diffrent topic and more than likely to be creative, it flowed nice on almost every line but had a couple of off lines, the multies and rhyming was decent kinda basic and simple, vocab was nice, you didnt over do the vocab with trying to be complex and you didnt try to make it easy to read being simple, and the way you came at the topic was very nice and creative, i havent seen much of shit like this on om, just try to come with a more intresting structre to get the readers started, hit the sig and keep up.