Reduce Reused & Recycled

[Witty]

My eyes fly into overdrive
As my shine dies, and my mind is immobilised
Help me grasp veracity, I’ve waited patiently
For the day, you’d come face to face with me
This poem, hides decay in its very lines
enough of the bullshit, now I portray the lies

The pages of my novel, shudder lightly in the breeze
As I sit in McDonald’s, ah yes, good ol’ Mickey D’s
I finish my meal, and set out on the lonely trek home
In my trench coat, with a runny nose and a head cold
‘yo man, can you spare some change for homeless folk?’
‘Get out of here dude, it’s your own fault you’re broke’
I continue walking, the hem of my jeans catch my foot
I fall, and get up again, with muddy clothes and a shattered tooth
My reputation would be in tatters, if anyone saw me in this nature
These bums might think I’m one of them, and involve me in their caper

I walk on, consciously peering over my shoulder at intervals
As they hold up signs saying ‘you better believe that winter kills’
I’m sick at the sight, but after a quick flash of light
My mind is set right
I gaze deep into the blue/green haze, of his eyes…amazed
‘you abandoned me, for sixteen years, I’ve walked these streets
With no money to live, and basically fucking nothing to eat
You see, you made a mistake as a youth, a stupid one? Yes
I bet you never guessed, I’d come back to cause you stress’


My eyes fly into overdrive
As my shine dies, and my mind is immobilised

‘I know that I, made a mistake, but I was young and foolish
If there’s anything that will make it better, SON I’ll do it’
I plead with him, guilt eats away at my breath
As I decay at the flesh
‘If you don’t come with me, I’ll have nothing left’
He’s visibly pondering his options in his brain, he must think I’m a psycho
‘what’s wrong dad? Everyone else has been reduced, reused and recycled?
Well I won’t be the same, I’m not a pawn in your little game, go fuck
Because you had a life, until you fucked it up, you suck
You abandoned me as a child, you want me to come home and eat?
As far as I’m concerned, I have no father, and my home is the street’


two days later, this man was found dead, a suicide note was found on his bed:


I’ll make this short and straight to the topic
Son, when you rejected me I just lost it
So find peace in this world, peace without me
I hope you become what you want to be
While I sleep
Signed,
Scum of the earth

[Witty]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...46#post5281346
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...58#post5281358

[P. Mortuus]

Did this have personal facets...........but yeah the way it was written was very good in my point of view, i had a problem in the begginging adjusting with the flow but after that well, it was straight na mean.. i remember skim reading it in your SS battle before i went off and it sounded good but after actually reading it line by line it sounds dope na mean, You wrote good and your rhymes were good but what won the reader, which is me of course, over was the emotion, emotivally written with a good sense of reality in the dialouge no fluffy stuff, you used the kind of language a person would expect in such a situation, also, you could have explained the problem more, but yeah it was dope even without it na mean.

Lastly, some comments on my om would be appreciated
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316128

[Witty]

Up, Pak I'll get to that soon, thanks for the feed

[Poeta Demonio]

I love it... I literally mean love it... This is my favorite piece of yours by far, usually i find alot to say about your pieces that i hate and that i wish you had changed, but this to me was a perfect read, i say to alot of people 'it kept me entertained all the way through' but with this, i actually was only entertained but enthusiastic about reading the next line, your story telling is great man, the rhyme scheme was so unblallenced, but that completely worked for this piece, i'm actually in shock that you produced something of this sexiness... The story was one i've heard befor, but you shone a new light on it and made it unique and special to your writting style... i knew you had this ability in you, and to see it come out like this, wow, i'm proud young nigger... The only thing i have to say on a slightly negative point was that i didn't like the suicide end... i thought that seemed a little rushed and not thought out fully... I think it would have been better to come with something more creative... I've used up the suicide ting too much, you can't contest with me fool lol... Jp, but this was actually great... HoF nomination. definately. Loved it. Great read. Great writter. word. as i said, i'm proud man... WE ARE DEFINATELY COLLABING with you on this form sonn... DOOPPPE.

[Witty]

wow,thanks mate, it's appreciated

[Amor Jones]

I love it... I literally mean love it... This is my favorite piece of yours by far, usually i find alot to say about your pieces that i hate and that i wish you had changed, but this to me was a perfect read, i say to alot of people 'it kept me entertained all the way through' but with this, i actually was only entertained but enthusiastic about reading the next line, your story telling is great man, the rhyme scheme was so unblallenced, but that completely worked for this piece, i'm actually in shock that you produced something of this sexiness... The story was one i've heard befor, but you shone a new light on it and made it unique and special to your writting style... i knew you had this ability in you, and to see it come out like this, wow, i'm proud young nigger... The only thing i have to say on a slightly negative point was that i didn't like the suicide end... i thought that seemed a little rushed and not thought out fully... I think it would have been better to come with something more creative... I've used up the suicide ting too much, you can't contest with me fool lol... Jp, but this was actually great... HoF nomination. definately. Loved it. Great read. Great writter. word. as i said, i'm proud man... WE ARE DEFINATELY COLLABING with you on this form sonn... DOOPPPE.

he took the words right out of my mouth. this was completely dope i couldnt find a flaw in it. the topic was original. this is most definately H0F worthyfam. damn man keep doing what your doing. shit help me out fam..

[Witty]

Thanks

[Forum]

yes! this was indeed dope.....The wording was good and for the topic and concept no big vocab was really needed..Your imagery was killa....The topic was so fukin original....very entertaining piece...I like the wayou write your O-M's wit that storyline type feel...--->DopeNess...you're very descriptive which makes it easy to envision the process as you read....nice shit.....RTF in sig ...

[~Mansin~]

nice piece, first of i thought it was cool how you managed to
capture the personality of your character within the first few
bars, the imagery and emotion was really executed well, not
to mention the dark humour, your word choice was ill, it seemed
to fit your characters perfectly, nothing forced or overdone,
which set a realistic scene, the emotion was brutal and raw
and well depicted, im not sure if i enjoyed the ending as much
as the set up, i mean the guy gave up way to quickly(suicide)
a lil bit about what was going on in that room before he killed
him self could of been cool, though overall a solid piece...

keep rippin those scripts...

if you got time here is a link to one of minez...peace

keep rippin those scripts...

if you got time here is a link to one of minez...peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

srry edited link

[Tragedian.]

very intresting...the first little opening verse was very creative and got me into the peice, then you came with the mickies d shit, and to be honest it bored me..then i kept reading and got right into the drop...flow was very nice and stayed that way for the whole drop...you didnt focus on making every line even which is hard for me not to now, very creative way to come at this topic makes me think this is actually personal and i really liked it...check my newest drop,

[B.I.Detained.]

Nice piece, mate. For me being on Rb so long though, You won't be surprised to know that I have seen this story quite a few times. I too have wrote a similar piece to this. You portrayed it well though.. The Father was very emotive. A straight minded person who won't change his opinion on anything unless its forced uopn him..e.g. his son. Dialogue could have been better and more natural (something I always stumble on too, lol), and something other than a suicide not! Don't conform to the Rb emo perspective :-s 6 months ago dude, you were way behind this. Now you're coming up dope as you stuck at it for some time consistently. Wafl, I wouldn't say I'm proud.. but glad you reached a bench mark as most of the cool people don't. Props.

[Atti]

I wasn't particularly all over this. I got that stop and go vibe from your passages, and it really just turned into a drag of a read a bit (could be cuz I'm tired). I felt like at times the language became to casual, to the point it felt like you were forcing diction for meter- which always turns me off to a piece. The concept was straight, semi-orig, but I felt like maybe this was just a quick rushed piece? - maybe. I don't know, it was average. I'm always expecting something more from you, one of these days you'll just bust out and break past that final level of elevation and it'll be dope. I'll be waiting.

If you could,
Vietnano-Tech.

[Pyrex~ThDopeChef]

Yes...i have to agree with the loving it sentiment...kudos to you my friend...kudos. I liked the imagery that you used in this piece. I would say that i was touched by how vividly you burned the images into my mind...but...i reserve the right to keep it gangsta...so i wont say that. But overall...this om was on the enjoyable tip...very well thought out and put together ish...that is all