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Thread: A BreathLess Death

  1. October 7th, 2006, 06:56 PM #1
    Bilayer
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    A BreathLess Death

    A Breathless Death
    So quickly did the last step take place..
    Off the cliff into an ocean of my failed fate..
    Passing clouds starred into the crimson waves of shame
    Massive sounds scearm a sentence without her name
    No hesitation of my first breath.. inhale the tears cried before mine
    The lead inspiration to my last death.. exhale one last time
    Again.. I take in the end of my lungs emptiness
    Replinished with images of censorship and a relationship
    Take wounds from this pen as concrete feet sink towards dark
    Break moons and pretend we'll still meet in the front seat of her car
    Waiting.. in the lonliness of these tears.. drowning beneath the surface
    Fading.. in the thickness of each fear.. find me dead and worthless
    Listen to the echo of insanity while standing free next to me in ecstasy
    So perfect to me.. still it hurts to see her drowning in grief
    No understanding of a happy family.. no smiles painted
    Constantly life demands things.. this child's fainted
    Gasp for air as the surface approaches below my trembling legs
    She sat and stared.. no purpose is suppose to revive the dead
    Instead of lead love and bullet points.. a scarless death was chosen
    Free'd my last dove.. into the blackest oceans with no words spoken...
    Left2Right


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  2. October 7th, 2006, 07:01 PM #2
    Bilayer
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    Feed links

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=311859
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...27#post5194427
    Left2Right


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  3. October 7th, 2006, 07:44 PM #3
    ph0bia
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    Pretty sick.....i like your combos and multies
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  4. October 7th, 2006, 07:52 PM #4
    Bilayer
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    Thanx for the feed uppin for more feed
    Left2Right


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  5. October 7th, 2006, 08:05 PM #5
    P. Mortuus
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    Awards Legendary Member PC HOF OM HOF PS Season champ SS HW Champion 25+ Wins
    Back from reading my comic
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    Nice fluid piece i liked the flow...to me it was a slow flow that soothed the words out, some people may read it differently but i prefer it like that. Anyway there were verious good concepts in this piece, such as the dove..a symbol of peace and faith being released in a black ocean...could be symbolised as depsair death etc.So yeah i reckon the concepts used were good furthermore, there were a lot of clever lines in this which i liked and overall i thought it was a good piece so yeah stay up^.

    If possible a few comments:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=311797
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL
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  6. October 7th, 2006, 08:42 PM #6
    Bilayer
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    thanx pak
    Left2Right


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  7. October 8th, 2006, 01:50 PM #7
    Bilayer
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    uppin for feed
    Left2Right


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  8. October 8th, 2006, 02:16 PM #8
    Soule
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    Didnt like it..

    The wording was nice. The flow was good. The Structre could have been a lot better. The Creativty was alright. The Imagenary was alright. Keep it up man. Keep elevating. Need tips just halla ina PM or som,ething. Peace.

    ~Blind.

























































































































    I was joking bout not likin it.
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  9. October 8th, 2006, 02:19 PM #9
    Bilayer
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    Lmao thanx for the feed pimpin
    Left2Right


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  10. October 8th, 2006, 02:23 PM #10
    Soule
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    np.
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  11. October 8th, 2006, 04:36 PM #11
    Bilayer
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    uppin for feed if you leave your link i'll leave feed on urs
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  12. October 8th, 2006, 06:02 PM #12
    Fatal..
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    So quickly did the last step take place..
    Off the cliff into an ocean of my failed fate..
    Passing clouds starred into the crimson waves of shame
    Massive sounds scearm a sentence without her name
    No hesitation of my first breath.. inhale the tears cried before mine
    The lead inspiration to my last death.. exhale one last time
    Again.. I take in the end of my lungs emptiness
    Replinished with images of censorship and a relationship

    ^ excellent vocab and wording right there fam. very good!
    I really liked this peice. i saw creativity consistantly.
    great flow and structure. emotion and imagery was good
    And just overall this was an excellent peice. very enjoyable
    good job. keep it up.

    Hit up my OM

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  13. October 8th, 2006, 09:27 PM #13
    Bilayer
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    thanx for the feed fatal
    Left2Right


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  14. October 9th, 2006, 05:12 PM #14
    Bilayer
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  15. October 9th, 2006, 05:59 PM #15
    Twixn...
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    hnmmmm prertty good here a topic that has been touched on a million times but you had your own unique way of comming at it... not much for imagery.. other than some metaphroical imagery... which was nice... uhm could feel the emotion here and there and the flow for me didint work too well... read more like a poem to me than an om... but worked that way...

    good work man. check out the streets we walk.
    READ MORE
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