Listen

[Cyrious]

Listen

I speak when needed but its like I’m not heard
Trying to express all my emotions in just one word
You can hear the bird’s talk and waves of an ocean
Still my lips make motion but I receive no potion
For this illness I have, I grab attention with sound
From my feet to the floor, as I stomp on the ground
Still even now I’m not heard, I scream “Listen!!!!!!”
People look but look at me with confusion
What if what I have to say is important to you
Or the world was in danger, what would you all do
Just one simple question that I need an answer to
“If I need to go to the bathroom what door do I go thru?”

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309788
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309707

[noncentz]

its a little watered down has setups for greatness all over your fillers but i failed to see the climantic slot. i mean u ended it making a point but it does grasp anything quit like it was set up to. not to say its garbage just need touching up you have the tools now just build the product

[Tragedian.]

short but dope...i really liked this drop honestly...something caught my eye...maybe it was the title....but this was very nice...deep drop....i was feelin the emotion...flow was really good....not off at all...but how could u flow off with such a small om lol...vocab was nice for this type of drop....not very creaitve though pretty played out topic and u didnt do anything special with it...work on your strutre the font u use sucks lol...but good drop man keep up...check out my new drop remember...

[Cyrious]

thanks for the feed

[Lady2dai]

it was real nice, I think though that the question at the end kinda makes the whole effect and tone of the piece trite. But all in all it's a good piece.

[Jon]

Meh, I've heard many diffrent pieces similer to this, but you did ok. I even made one about taking a shit, but you still did ok. You could have made it longer, and made the reader a little more anxious to see what you want them to listen too. But its cool I guess, short piece. You had nice vocabulary, and ok word usage. Keep writing

[Cyrious]

thanks for the feed man

up for more feed

[Free Falling]

mediocre.

"i receive no potion"
what kind of weird video game do you think this is, zelda?

just bugging you, but seriously, the potion - illness line is so over done its boring, and it gave that sort of vibe to this. the rhyme scheme was very simple - just looking at the last four lines you can see what i mean "you...do...to...thru" expand your vocabulary but dont force anything.

you need to elevate,
but dont we all?

-f.falling

[Gr33kChris]

ha ha ha yes we do but i liked it short simple and on point well thats my opinion