Last Fight

[Tragedian.]

I took her for granted knowing she wants me
Told her I loved her always and she agreed
The best thing I ever could have is her love
Having her was the one thing im proud of
But I pushed it to far
Having my homies watch every move she does
Never thought I would lose her to that cause
Telling my friends bout how I was gonna break it off
But once I heard her voice…not much I could do I got soft
I can’t lie I really do love her…no matter who says what
Screw up every time I talk and that’s why my mouth stays shut
Last night we had a fight but this time I said what I had to say
She said dj this is your last chance…not a time to play
I get to spend time with other guys…or you change
And then you get to keep me in exchange…
My mind was made…she is my forever to keep
For once…on the phone our conversion got deep
I can’t go to sleep…Sabrina’s always on my mind
The greatest anyone could find. The reason why im not signed
But I still must say…Sabrina im sorry for last night
Let me jus hold you tight...and make this our last fight

[Tragedian.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308591
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308179

[Tragedian.]

upp...

[Tragedian.]

omg upp...

[Masahiko.]

ok its not a bad piece.. you need to put more internals, it makes the piece flow much better. Sometimes vocabulary isnt needed, but for a piece like this, you kind of need that little extra to make it stand out. Besides those two things, it was a good read. But like I said, it seems just a little to basic, and not many people want to read basic things. Keep it up. Good write.

[GrimmyReaps]

like if always said i really dont like the inconsitantsy with ur structure...but u say that that is ur style...

My mind was made…she is my forever to keep
For once…on the phone our conversion got deep

^ i like that bar u could really feel the emotion in that bar...but i really didnt like how u portaraed the topic...and didnt like the ending...it really wasent that exciting...so meh...up ur vocab,u use to many little words...if u need to ghet a thesauras and find words that mean the same thing...so just up that vocab thats ur biggest error....

ok RTF

[D. Josey]

Okay, so your last piece kept me coming back for more, sooooo. . . I thought I'd check this one it. It was a mediocre notch piece. Everything flowed nicely, but it just didn't seem to have much substance to it. You had the emotion, and the deep ethic of the piece, but that was it. Not much descriptive wording at work here, and there was no complexity whatsoever. I think this piece was rushed, and I felt you could;ve done better, but it was alright overall.

1.

[.Silence.]

This piece was aight but I think you could have done better with the topic.I felt that you had rushed this piece a lil bit but it still had came out pretty good.It had a lil bit of emotion in it but I think you could have came stronger with your emotion.But the Imagry in this piece was good cuz you could picture what was going on in this piece.The vocabulary was aight you just need to up it a lil bit.And try to use some multis every once in a while cuz it will make the piece stand out more.But overall this was an aight piece to read.Just upp your vocabulary and put more emotion in your next piece and it will turn out better.

[Supremacy]

this piece had a nice feel to it
the emotion was there but u need 2 try and make it a bit harder
th rhyming was gd, as was the flow and structure
th topic was similar to alot i have seen lately, but u seem 2 do this topic well
emotion is definitely one of ur strong points
keep up but try 2 vary ur topics slightly lol

[Jurisdiction]

not a bad piece imo. the topic is a little overplayed but thats gonna happen when your writin about love. just read the dictionary or somethin to get your vocabulary to a higher level all of the words pretty much were really simple that any joe would of thought to use. but still im not gonna trash it to much cause i can relate to it alot. good work and just keep workin on your shit.

[Tragedian.]

thanks for all the feed and on the tips that some of you have givin...remember im down for a collab at any time jus get at me if u wanna get down for one.

upp...for the last time..

[Tim]

this was an okay piece i have seen the concept before but then again you did it in a nice way so thats really a plus there liked your word choice everything fit and flowed maybe could of used a bit iternals to make it fow that much better of the tongue but overal an okay piece dude stay up and keep writing

[Seti]

This was a good piece i thought that you did okay in this. the story was good and everything but the flow of the piece wasn't great. I think that could have been better. Also some words seemed not to fit in the piece or something'. I don't know why but i liked only parts of this. Keep on writing and return the favour on my upcoming piece.

[Tragedian.]

Thanks.

upp.

[Seti]

This was a good piece i thought that you did okay in this. the story was good and everything but the flow of the piece wasn't great. I think that could have been better. Also some words seemed not to fit in the piece or something'. I don't know why but i liked only parts of this. Keep on writing and return the favour on my upcoming piece.

Wouldn't mind some words either:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309053