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Showing results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: She

  1. August 16th, 2006, 01:53 AM #1
    OnKor
    OnKor is offline
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    She

    She

    The only rose in dandelions, I'm blessed you can be mine
    I've had savage times confessing, like a stranded mime
    I've landed a queen, your a beauty I'm plannin' to keep
    So amazing, very patient & "out standing" for me (outstanding)
    We've been lonely for weeks, you're whom I solely would speak
    Every moment we'd meet, my love would slowly increase
    I glance at your lovely eyes and there's sun inside
    For one kiss, one hug...I'd stand & fight a hundred guys
    Our love's a skyscraper, it's always buildin' up
    & you don't need to look, to see you're a million bucks
    Boo your gorgeous, right now our vibe's enormous
    You change your look so often, you think'd I'm a tourist
    And I don't say lies, your smile clears gray skies
    You're so attractive she'd get stares from gay guys
    I aint alarmin' you, there won't be harm to you
    I'll stay by your side, & be your armor too
    Your my angel, with that halo way above you
    This is my elaborate scheme, to say I love you


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305393
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303832
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305504

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  2. August 16th, 2006, 01:57 AM #2
    ASI.
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    You've Earned a Custom Title! ASI.'s Avatar
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    this was ok I would suggest you use better vocab in you work though for future reference (my opinion) but overall this was a solid drop not many complaints topic is played but you made it seem like new with the usage of phrases terms cleverly like :I've landed a queen, your a beauty I'm plannin' to keep
    So amazing, very patient & "out standing" for me (outstanding) good job man keep this work up!

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    Audio is Great.
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    KarosiveissosickKarosiveissosickKarosiveissosick

    I Stay Higha Than Tha Birds.




    Yea your a vet and all with your 123,000 posts but um really....


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    Songs



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  3. August 16th, 2006, 02:02 AM #3
    Soul*Cal
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    Pretty coo drop fam, Keep it up.
    Last edited by Soul*Cal; August 16th, 2006 at 03:40 AM
  4. August 16th, 2006, 12:50 PM #4
    OnKor
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    Uppin'

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  5. August 16th, 2006, 01:01 PM #5
    TheiLLestFLoW
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    The top shit was the best man -- Bottom I felt u lost ur momentum but overall nice work! Your improving keep it up.
  6. August 16th, 2006, 04:05 PM #6
    Tragedian.
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    I glance at your lovely eyes and there's sun inside
    For one kiss, one hug...I'd stand & fight a hundred guys
    BRAAP lmfao really nice peice man u had every needed to make this dope...very few flaws....i think you couldve prolly worked on your flow it was off at some points but stayed up for most of the peiece...multies were on point they were fuckin dope man..not to creative tho its a played topic but i do it to so i cant sayin nothin lol..but i can fully relate to this drop man...and if u could i would like some feed on my oms if u have enough time..good job keep up man...
    Empire
  7. August 16th, 2006, 04:09 PM #7
    <Supreme>
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    very common topic at the moment
    your flow was alrite, as was your structure
    your rhymin was gd but simple
    ur vocab was basic also

    fave part:
    The only rose in dandelions, I'm blessed you can be mine
    I've had savage times confessing, like a stranded mime

    Since this is a very common topic at the moment, you need to try and bring in brilliant strong features such as emotion, imagery, and strong rhymin

    keep tryn, ull get stronger
  8. August 16th, 2006, 06:02 PM #8
    OnKor
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    I like how everyone has picked out different favourite lines

    Thnx

    Uppin'

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  9. August 17th, 2006, 12:29 AM #9
    OnKor
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    ^^^^
    Uppin' 3

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