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Thread: murder

  1. August 3rd, 2006, 02:47 AM #1
    Tragedian.
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    murder


    Victem 1
    saturday night,a young girl ran away..it was safe atleast she thought...
    jus walkin thru a park wit no worries just not wanting to get caught...
    on a block were people get left to rot..she had no idea what was comin...
    didnt even bother runnin
    she wanted a payphone to try to call friend..wit not much time to waste
    she ran to pick up the pace...in a block all whites hated on cuz of race...
    she got to the phone...but got grabbed from behind...by some black guy..
    he grabed her mouth..robbed her for her lil wealth..he did nothin but sigh
    took her back to celler..gave her multiple stabs and a shot to head..
    thought nothing of her and left her there to suffer and eventually dead..

    Victem 2
    a man just going to the store...didnt know his life was only an hour more
    he was not rich or poor...but he was callin every female a whore..
    he walked in his door and found a man sitting on his personal chair...
    the man got up and grabbed him by his hair...
    dragged him to his car threw him in the trunk..of car..
    beat the living hell outta him with a fukin crow bar.....
    grabbed his axe...hacked and hacked..left nothin of his body..
    expect his top half...saved the parts for demanted reasons...
    hes a sick fuck still uses his head for spices and seasons...

    The killer
    the town got sick...it was finally the time to catch the killer...
    they bust in his house raided the place..but the killer left nothin to trace..
    then they find blood spots all over the floor..they break into the celler...
    find dead bodys all over...heads dropping from the cieling...
    this killer musta had no emotions...no feeling...
    with nothing to lose..love or kill,kill would be the first he would choose
    he gets into the celler and brings in an axe starts killing everyone in packs
    ....with everyone dead theres nothing left to do.....
    but hes still alive so watch out he could be in a block near you..

    The Celler


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post4786740
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303740
    Last edited by Tragedian.; August 3rd, 2006 at 03:03 AM
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  2. August 3rd, 2006, 02:51 AM #2
    Omega.
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    nice man really nice i liked your metas and emotion it meshed very well and ish man. very well chosen words and points of when to use a multie.

    Victem 2
    a man just going to the store...didnt know his life was only an hour more
    he was not rich or poor...but he was callin every female a whore..
    he walked in his door and found a man sitting on his personal chair...
    the man got up and grabbed him by his hair...
    dragged him to his car threw him in the trunk..of car..
    beat the living hell outta him with a fukin crow bar.....
    grabbed his axe...hacked and hacked..left nothin of his body..
    expect his top half...saved the parts for demanted reasons...
    hes a sick fuck still uses his head for spices and seasons...

    The killer
    the town got sick...it was finally the time to catch the killer...
    they bust in his house raided the place..but the killer left nothin to trace..
    then they find blood spots all over the floor..they break into the celler...
    find dead bodys all over...heads dropping from the cieling...
    this killer musta had no emotions...no feeling...
    with nothing to lose..love or kill,kill would be the first he would choose
    he gets into the celler and brings in an axe starts killing everyone in packs
    ....with everyone dead theres nothing left to do.....
    but hes still alive so watch out he could be in a block near you


    loved these two parts very well done in emotion especially.

    RTF on at least 2 of the links in my sig please. thank you,
    Insane Joker Lyricists


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  3. August 3rd, 2006, 03:07 AM #3
    Old Man
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    This was sick really, but really emotional with nice wording and imagery, BUT, the vocab is very ELEMENTARY if I dare say so. It's weak, work on using better vocab, keep it up buddy!
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  4. August 3rd, 2006, 05:02 AM #4
    <Supreme>
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    gd drop
    th imagery was strong, especially with th First Victim and th Killer, and th picture of th Celler lol
    Ur rhymin was a bit simple, u mainly used 1 sylable words 2 rhyme with

    "expect his top half...saved the parts for demanted reasons...
    hes a sick fuck still uses his head for spices and seasons"
    lmao, didnt c tht cumin

    gd drop, keep it up
    Don't Do Drugs EP is coming soon.

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  5. August 3rd, 2006, 03:26 PM #5
    Tragedian.
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  6. August 3rd, 2006, 03:28 PM #6
    C.Wrighter
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    this was real goood i mean a hit for real its nothing else you can say but you reallly brong the emotion and all that you needed to make this a hot piece



    RTF in 1 of the open mic links in my sig

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  7. August 4th, 2006, 02:16 PM #7
    Tragedian.
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    any more feed?
    Empire
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  8. August 4th, 2006, 09:28 PM #8
    Summit Ave.
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    This was a good read. Vocab was average. Structure was decent. I liked the creativeness and the pic's that went with it. The way you organised & explained it was decent. The ending was kind of blah. You had quoted: The killer was not there with nothing to trace, Yet , You jumped ahead and said he killed everyone there. It' made sense to me but you could have explained the ending better

    -Mc Mystique

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  9. August 10th, 2006, 03:18 PM #9
    Tragedian.
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  10. August 16th, 2006, 02:13 AM #10
    Lil J.C.
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    dope drop, very emotional, good metafores, aight structure n vocab, very creative, i feel a few parts of it cudda been a bit better but overall a real nice drop, good 2 have ya n tha crew famz

    keep up
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  11. August 17th, 2006, 12:53 AM #11
    ASI.
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    wow man this shit was really dope I liked the pic you used also man I would suggest a bit more depth but that it..overall this shit was dope so keep it up I like the emotion and structure.

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    Audio is Great.
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    KarosiveissosickKarosiveissosickKarosiveissosick

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    Yea your a vet and all with your 123,000 posts but um really....


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    Songs



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  12. August 22nd, 2006, 05:57 AM #12
    ferocity.
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    this was a great job. when i saw the pictures i said to myself 'daym man this was gonna be a real hot piece' and it was, to a certain extent.

    your vocab was good, but not mind-blowing. your flow was excellent, always on target. your wordplay, is something worth working on, at some points of your piece i was tempted to stop reading because it got boring at some points.

    your structure and storyline is another thing worth working on. you presented it well in this piece, but you can always go better.

    overall - this was a nice piece, and again, i am proud to see your name on the crew roster.

    peace-n-cheers bro.
    ferocity.

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  13. May 29th, 2008, 05:46 PM #13
    UltimateIllusion
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    Re: murder

    that was tight!! I could picture every lyric, siick stuff keep it up!!
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  14. May 29th, 2008, 05:55 PM #14
    Tragedian.
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    Re: murder

    LFMAO.

    Why the hell did you upp this?

    ROFL.
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