The Coffee Soldiers

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks for the pointers na mean, it's appreciated i'll hit up the link in a sec no doubt

[Client]

No doubt, keep writing. and good look on the sig

[Soule]

This was actually funny. I dont know why but I laughed at some lines. this wordplay was great and flow went well through the whole verse. The story and creativty was nice,. And the imagenary was well done. 9-10. Keep writing and RTF by leaving feed in VooDoo.

[Infamouz]

this was a really goos piece..nice flow and vocab basically...really goos mettas and mutlies also..this was a funny topic..but you wrote good to it and for that i give you a 9/10
good shit

[Engivale]

I think you probably see here that most of the good writers said that the same piece was the best part of this entire OM. It flowed the best, used the best syllable counts for rhythym, and also exhibited your best word choices. Though the entire piece is solid, that is the only part that is truly really good...

Aspire to make every line as carefully worded as the few in that one stanza, which you did excellently.

[P. Mortuus]

preciate all comments, yeah E i see what ya mean, i'll try and sort out this whole style soon na mean.

[The Vortex]

strange title.ha..... nice starting bars. liked the flow and deepness of concept thrown str8 up iun those. other than say a slight syllable out in the last line ......


second set of bars contained sum nice poetic type imagery. vocab and wording was held very well

3rd set of bars had a word a or two could need revising. like eat becoming ate wud b a starting point. overall to give a bit more clarity as you did start out doing....... flowed seemed to get a bit stammered towards centre of the verse. syllable overload which ifn done i tthink needs to pour with emotion and direction to pull it off...


4th verse/stanza i thought was pulled off well and contrasted well with the picture

ending semmed round3ed off enough semmed like a touch of visual mettaphor but pulled out a lil short as complete metta.

was a nice drop f'sho

hit this 1 up

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=303258

[P. Mortuus]

Preciate the poniters, i'll hit up ya drop na mean

[Split]

Father Joy slept as uncle greed caused the produce to count inept

^That line is absolutely sick.
I like this piece. For the most part your rhythm was on point, and that always makes it easier to read and get what the writer is trying to convey. Question; Were coffee beans a metaphore for something else? Or was this just a straight forward piece?

I enjoyed the vocab you used in this quite a bit. I don't think I've ever seen someone say tendrils in OM before.. So kudo's for that. There was a good amount of emotion in this, it seemed passionate in a calm kind of way. Overall I liked it.. Good drop. 7/10

Split

[P. Mortuus]

Preciate your comments as for the coffee beans, in this om they were i part just coffee beans in others they were the children of earth...us all.

[Split]

I figured as much. Good shit none-the-less. Would you mind hitting my piece up?

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...12#post4768712

[P. Mortuus]

checked all links..uppin'

[P. Mortuus]

checked all links..uppin'

*test*

[Cred]

Good piece here. I liked what you've done with this piece. Really nice imagery & foucs that lead through it. It look's like you changed some stuff around after the guy no-showed in your battle. Lol.. Well this was nice I liked the topic you choose which was really creative. Never quite heard of a topic like this which made it interesting. You also had nice vocab through this. Nice work coming from you again Pak & expect to see more to come.

-Infamouz.

[Rancor]

yeah thanks, preciate it.