A Dying World

**Witty** · June 16th, 2006, 04:42 PM

When there’s life, there’s death
When there’s first, there’s second
When your soul has left
Death will beckon

With fame comes wealth
With wealth comes sorrow
You know yourself
Today will be just like tomorrow

I write as a plea
To save these souls
Please embrace through me
A world gone cold
Full of media stories
And artificial glory

Arrogance and self-righteousness
Are the basis of our existence
Like an old jigsaw puzzle
There is always something missing
We can not get our heads
Round the fact that we’re mortal
And when we are dead
Satan and his minions will chortle
They’ll laugh at our expense
And the foolishness we have shown
The good times we could have spent
We merely postponed
For our riches and wealth
We only think of our self
And not of the consequences of our actions
For mankind, anything is a distraction

We could easily fix our problems
And just live in a world of peace
But no one is willing to solve them
So we’ll sin until we decease
Nothing can ever change the fact
That we are going to die
It’s like we have made a pact
To live a torturous life

Our children will live in revulsion
As our souls are guided to our fate
If you lived a life that was sick and disgusting
It is going to be too late
Satan shows no mercy, you ruined our world
As did every other human that existed
So Lucifer will kill you, into hell you’ll be hurled
You had your chance and you missed it.
So rise my fellow beings
And let’s fix our nation
Or the evil you are seeing
Will be worse for our next generation

because with work comes results
And with results comes improvement
So for once be adults
Because are souls are what we’re losing

**Optical.Illusion** · June 16th, 2006, 04:49 PM

Yep

Nice work,you could have put some flips into it to make it more interesting.But you kept me interested into the next thing you were gonna say 'n how you would use a concept to make it hot.Example:

Arrogance and self-righteousness
Are the basis of our existence
Like an old jigsaw puzzle
There is always something missing

They’ll laugh at our expense
And the foolishness we have shown
The good times we could have spent
We merely postponed

For our riches and wealth
We only think of our self
And not of the consequences of our actions
For mankind, anything is a distraction

those were good but work on your rhyming you didnt hit wit that at all.Nice work

**Witty** · June 16th, 2006, 04:52 PM

thanks...but to me rhyming isn't as important as the content.....I do not focus on rhyming too much, I am a poet but I thought this would be better in OM.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...03#post4610103
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=297555

**Witty** · June 16th, 2006, 05:03 PM

upping

**T-N GFX** · June 16th, 2006, 05:04 PM

Another Good Peice From You Brutha.

Your Structure & Flow Was All Good, As You Say Your More Of A Poet, And It Kinda Shows Clearly In Your Verses. They Have Alot Of Depth And And Good Imagery Involved As You Read Along Each Line. Like You Also Said, Rhyme Would Of Really Made This Be The Same As All The Other OMs, But You Not Involving Rhymeskeem, Made It Stand Out From The Rest.

Good Job Fam. Keep It Up. (Check Into Catalystic Minds.)

**Messiah.** · June 16th, 2006, 05:15 PM

absolutely nothing wrong with this piece it had everything a good piece needs.... flow was good structure was very good rhyming doesn't need work.....vocab good.... choice of words good.... this couldn't be faultered.....well done man keep it up.....