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Thread: Lost In A Web Of Lies

  1. #1
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    Lost In A Web Of Lies

    This was my SS verse for this week......check it out

    Lost in a Web Of lies
    I’m Getting ready, the day has come
    To leave my hell on earth
    My council home
    For years I have been victimized
    Abused with snide insults
    Since the day these people realized
    That I had joined a ‘cult’

    My revolution commences,
    My heart jumps for joy
    I feel like I’ve been reincarnated
    In the form of a little boy
    Some may be mad,
    some may rebel
    But I know that these pigs
    Will bow to me in hell

    I come forward, to the top of the club
    Check the mic and begin to speak
    My soul begins to weep
    For I have finally found my true love
    ‘You have all been conned
    Brain washed into believing
    That when you’re dead and leaving
    You’ll walk in to the arms of God’

    The crowd boo, and security approach
    Loaded with batons and handcuffs
    This mission is going to be close
    But if I do enough
    They will realise their errors
    And finally realise the terrors
    Of this world, and our so called ‘leaders’
    That have been deceiving us for years

    I dodge past the guards, charge to the door
    Pour petrol on the ground, and light up the floor
    Commotion is the best word to describe this scene
    Elderly women weep, while little children scream
    I laugh at the sight of the despairing priest
    Then work up my nerves, and step in the heat
    I scream at the top of my voice, almost a cry
    And tell these people ‘you’re lost in a web of lies


    The church burnt to ashes, not many survived
    But the ones that did, have recently met their demise
    It seems they all committed suicide, really just lost it
    And left a note telling of an ‘influential prophet’

    He is seen as their God and had ‘shown them the light’
    He was the arsonist of the church that night
    He had told them, that they would be seen as just another casualty
    And that world leader’s were guarding them from reality

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    24 x OM Hall Of Fame

  2. #2
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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  3. #3
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    uppin

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  4. #4
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    uppity

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  5. #5
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    please don't sleep on this.

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  6. #6
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    bastards

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  7. #7
    dreadedfistofthenorthwest
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    Whats with the no feed on this shit for real. i liked it man. i felt the imagery and topic here. both were very original. i liked the concept and how you portrayed it in the description of everything. it seemed almost poetic so i really liked that original aspect here. the flow was alright but again..it was more of the poetic style. so again i liked it not to much to elevate on this. keep droppin man im watchin you now for real. now lets get some more feed on this shit.

    -Peace
    The R.
    -The Illest Ever Kid-

  8. #8
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    thanks dude,uppin

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  9. #9
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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  10. #10
    T.P
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    Iunno. . i didnt really see much that stood out to me. . i liked your poetic style in the stanzas but you didnt really tell the story in a very creative way. . to be honest, most of your lines were a bit bland. . you were mostly fucked when you were given this topic since its played as fuck and you couldnt really do much with it. .
    it was a nice piece just nothing that made me go woah and make me want to read again

    Keep writing

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=296456

    Can i get some feed on that

  11. #11
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    ...

    This piece was a very enjoyable read and it made me read it a few times before dropping feed. I have not been on here in a long time and this is th second piece i have red so far since being back and this has really got potential. You wordplay was ok and your lines were on point. You came with tough and strong vocab that held this piece high. Your structure was perfect and your piece overall was pretty good, keep it up.
    written voices makes hidden noises

  12. #12
    ...
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    wow. i liked reading that. your imagery was nice, and as I was reading it I saw the church buring down. your wordplay is excellent, alot better than alot of people. your structure was good, and everything flowed. nice job man, keep it up. peace.

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