Where's your heart at?

[niggerican]

I don’t want to imagine what could have been
‘cus that’s hard feelings to feel within
But don’t nobody get it, don’t nobody see
They have no clue what’s in my heart daily
And it’s just my love, but I can’t waste it just like that
I’m playing it smart, need to know where you heart’s at.

Where’s it at? And if it’s not with me,
Then I never said a word, I loved you,
we are not just meant to be
Just my mind messing, it’s like that,
But, just maybe you know what I feel
So I ask within, where’s your heart at?

I know for a fact you can’t read my mind
You would be surprised of what you would find.
All you would see would be youself in there
Running around like crazy, you would see just how much I care
But also just how much I question, and how much I fear
You just don’t know my every thought...
You should though, you are in my heart
But you cannot read it, if you could
We would be now, and it would be all good.

Imagine us, together, you and me
Sounds good, and not to forget our family
A happy home, a future ahead to meet one day
Can you feel the happiness come our way?
No, you seriouly can’t, might not know I exist.
I just know for sure, that something in my life is missed
And for ages I’ve wondered, but now I just know what it is
It’s all about you, baby, your all that I miss.

[niggerican]

links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...51#post4565751
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...83#post4565783

[Nique.]

Cool shit. Rhyme scheme was mad simplistic, but I can tell that this was based on pure emotion rather than a typical concept with a twist at the end cliche. Bout your feelings for someone and you're not sure where their heart's at. Cool. Nice to see you posting something in here. Check something of mine one day

[Symbolic.]

yeah this was a really good drop glad you did it man you did a good job on imagery no doubt and creativity was there from the begining nice wordplay in a way and it was an ok take on the topic but it was pretty long and the structure seemed to be a bit off at some points but a good drop overall keep up the good techniques you tend to use also.

[niggerican]

Thanks. Up.

[niggerican]

Ugh.
Up.

[Witty]

never seen anything from you before. But yea as Nique said, this had a very simplistic rhyme scheme,but the emotion in this peice was really good.I liked the storyline and the way you wrote it like you were talking to the girl,but you still made the reader feel like they were involved,this was very impressive.You had a good flow and your structure was fine. All in all this was quite a good peice,props.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...13#post4567513
leave feed on that please.

[Big C.]

i could feel the emotion throughout this....
rhymes were good....imagery was nice
vocab was descent....flow was nice....
topic was interesting and i liked it...
overall this was a nice peice...

[niggerican]

Thanks.

[EYE RONIC]

qwiufbreiougbriub @ you. I thought everybody in the lounge fucken hated kids who did text? haha, hypocrites. But hey, at least you tried. Cool shit here, you obviously dont have the experience of a topical/poetry writer, but you're better than most starters I must say. Hopefully you have the strive to keep on writing because thats what I enjoy seeing....improvement. And your butt pics. But yeh, emotional piece here, kind of played out -- then again, you havent really fully developed your intellect to the stage of the experienced topical head. Dont get me wrong, you've done well, and I know you're an intelligent cat, but keep going with writing, I think you can do it. Piece man.

[.Marshall.]

cant say ive read anything from you before, maybe a first drop?
This peice was quite simplistic, as in rhyme scheme and vocab, but i saw the deep emotion that you put into this piece. this kind of topic has been done many times, but its a topic that each writer can put thier own style into and emotion, i feel you convey your own personal emotion pretty well.
to improve all i can say is keep writing, as you write pieces you pick up on the sorts of things that is unique about your own style of writing. such as improved vocabulary and even muliple rhymes in your lines. you will find your style soon enough.

nice 1st drop.. potential!!

please could you leave feed on my OM, thanks.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...79#post4569279

[niggerican]

Thanks alot. But yep first drop in open mic.

[niggerican]

Hopefully you have the strive to keep on writing because thats what I enjoy seeing....improvement. And your butt pics.

rofl