Kill The Scum

[Witty]

KIll

I study my realm
Over crowded by pain
I’m an angel, on earthly terrain
My environment is shattered
And souls have been tossed
Anything that ever mattered
Has been lost, at a cost

KILL

KILL

But each step I take
Reminds me of a nightmare
I go forward with haste
While my oppressors glare
I try to snub their insults
And keep my head held high
The thought of their fake cults
Make me break down and cry

KILL

I shed tears for the years
That this world has wasted
Pressure from peers
Surrounded by fears
My anguish spreads naive hatred
They are under the opinion,
That tears make you fragile
Well over a million
Have a fake laugh and smile

SCUM

SCUM

KILL

My plan is to bring back glory
To a world without hope
My mission may well be gory
And lives may be lost
Maybe mine as well
But if I allow this riposte
All will rot in hell
I gather my humble belongings
A mere sword and gun
And set out with complete longing
To get rid of the scum

KILL

SCUM

The fiery temper of this demon
Becomes evident promptly
The shadow of his palace
Does nothing but haunt me
I quiver with fear, at the sight of his servants
But my courage is sincere
And although this place may be queer
I will march boldly on, though admittedly nervous
The cobbled stones are searing with heat
As I gather blisters on my sweltering feet
I charge through the door
Un-holster my gun
Let a whizzing bullet soar
And slay him in one

KILL

SCUM

He falls flat on the ground
His life deceased
For a moment there is no sound
Until a shot is released
I stand tall like a man
The guards faces are smitten
They captured the man
That killed the PM of the United Kingdom
KILL
SCUM

This isn’t a true story, I made it up in my brain
You can not sue me if you decide to do the same
Not that I would complain or call you insane
I know we all want to see this man in pain.

[Soule]

DOnt forget the links and the crew you'r in. Ultimate Elements.

[Witty]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post4567511

there's one.....and yo you know I can't rep the crew dude cuz of TNL rules.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=296001

there's the other.

[Spekz.]

The structure was very original and very creative it gave it a crazy psycotic feel to it...something yo would see on a crazy persons wall or something so that made the topic fit the looks....as for the writing i liked how you kept it broken in small little verses...yet at the same time it made transitions throghout the piece hard to follow....i would say that was the only down falll to a pretty well written piece...you had nice ideas, good vocab,nice worplay,imagery etc. it was a nice write...the thing that made the piece standout was its structure creative ideas...yet at the same time it hurt it..if that makes sense...depends on the reader.

overall very creative write...

hit up my piece...

thanx

pec

[Jon]

yea, I hate you for bugging me for two days trying to get me to leave feed on this =/..

anyways, yea, this was a nice piece, it was very smooth. I liked it how you just kept the rhyme going, but it didnt seem forced at all, just what ever came to your head, you put down.. maybe next time, discuss your punishment for shooting the prime minister, or something, and make a great ending, dont say "I thought this in my head, it wasnt true". I think your strong point is the flow, but if you work on the storyline a little, you will find yourself in HoF quite frequently. You did good on this piece, but it wasnt quite good enough to be in HoF. Keep up the good writing, and remember Bounce's saying "Don't write for HoF or Legends, write for You".

Anyways, thanks for leaving feed on my piece.

[Witty]

word dude it took me like 20 mins in total to write this,I just wrote whatever idea I had in my head at the time......I didn't even know what it was about until the part where I killed the PM lol

thanks for the feed,and I'll get on to that in 5 mins Spekz

[Big C.]

Topic was very interesting annd it caught my eye well......yes i liked this a lot....throughout this there was good vocab usage..good rhyme scheme and descent multies......complexity and imagery was dope continuesly throughout and overall i liked this peice...liked the layout as well..keep it up..

[...Dusk2Dawn...]

The structure in this was very creative my dude, it really kept me in it. The flow was somewhat choppy at times but it didn't affect the read. The vocabulary was very well throughout this piece and besides for the choppy flow I say it was a great read. The rhyme scheme may not have been good to some people but I liked it, felt was very creative like the structure. You showed a lot of imagery and emotions which is very good and also kept me interested in reading the whole time. Good rean man, nice drop.

I shed tears for the years
That this world has wasted
Pressure from peers
Surrounded by fears
My anguish spreads naive hatred
They are under the opinion,
That tears make you fragile
Well over a million
Have a fake laugh and smile

^I felt that was you're best stanza. Thought that was dope and very true about the world today.

Peace

[Symphonic]

Good Drop.

This was a very good piece. You stayed on topic though
the whole thing. Creativity, well it was very good, the way
you worded it put a clear picture in my head.Your flow and
structure were good also. Your imegry was also nice.

Overall I Liked It.


The fiery temper of this demon
Becomes evident promptly
The shadow of his palace
Does nothing but haunt me
I quiver with fear, at the sight of his servants
But my courage is sincere
And although this place may be queer
I will march boldly on, though admittedly nervous
The cobbled stones are searing with heat
As I gather blisters on my sweltering feet
I charge through the door
Un-holster my gun
Let a whizzing bullet soar
And slay him in one

^ That Was My Favorite Part.

[niggerican]

My plan is to bring back glory
To a world without hope
My mission may well be gory
And lives may be lost
Maybe mine as well
But if I allow this riposte
All will rot in hell
I gather my humble belongings
A mere sword and gun
And set out with complete longing
To get rid of the scum

Dope verse, you got alot of emotion in the entire peice, very good structure. It's always more creative when you put it the way you do, not so boring. But yeah uh anyway, nice vocab and flow really made it look like you do this all day. Nice job.

[Witty]

thanks dude,uppin

[-IsIs-]

Crazy structure like a cat up there said. i liked it. nice original topic and original style of writing it. i liked the imagery and description in this. not to much really to say. the vocabulary could have been upped in some places but it was mostly dope throughout. I felt the flow was strange but it yet seemed to fit the piece. i liked it man keep it up.

-Peace

[.Marshall.]

I liked the way that you set out the structure. I also liked the way you put 'kill' and 'scum' around the structure as it made it unique.
Simple vocab in places, thats the only thing I can say that was lacking in this piece was that it didnt have much complex vocab. But you didnt need it as the imagery of your piece was conveyed well with the vocab you did use. Had good imagery and it set out a picture in my mind as to what you was saying. Good topic aswel, nice twist at the end which i liked. keep writing man, i like your pieces!!

Nice piece man.

could you drop some feed on my OM please.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...79#post4569279

[Witty]

uppin

[Paramik]

Looks like Subliminal messages.
Pretty good though.
Creative to be exact.