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Thread: the war begins

  1. June 3rd, 2006, 05:09 PM #1
    666
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    the war begins


    the first phase : the warning

    i have been sent here to end you all and take your souls
    kills will be forever rising on the rapbattles death tolls
    the devil is my father and his wish is my command
    his army is ready and his evil plan is finally at hand
    we will rule all whether you like it or not so here we stand
    we eat sleep and breath fire so watch your feeble planet wither and die
    pethetic people of gods creation meet your new leaders the devil and i
    you children to are children you cannot be compared
    all you humans who just role over and surrender your lives maybe spared

    the next phase will be along soon enough!!!
    .
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  2. June 3rd, 2006, 05:11 PM #2
    The Real Skrib.
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    Hey, not be an ass hole or hating or anything but the rules say 16 line minimum...but anyways this was pretty good homie....i was feelin topic.....even though its pretty popular this was still good...flowed well....nice structure....good rhymes...nice vocab usage even though it was scarcely throughout...you could elevate a lil bit but this right here was good..keep at it man...you got potential..
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  3. June 3rd, 2006, 05:13 PM #3
    666
    Guest

    thankyou child lol

    uppin.................
    ..
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  4. June 3rd, 2006, 05:44 PM #4
    666
    Guest

    uppin.........
    ..
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  5. June 4th, 2006, 04:25 AM #5
    666
    Guest

    ...uppin...please leave feed...
    ..
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  6. June 5th, 2006, 04:12 AM #6
    Hustla407
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    too short...but straight
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  7. June 5th, 2006, 04:32 AM #7
    noncentz
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    hey it was short ans sweet i liked your skill just wisj you fed it more to let what you do truly flourish i will look for previous work to see more skill stay up
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  8. June 5th, 2006, 06:59 AM #8
    P. Mortuus
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    This was aight, i see you've done it in relation with your name 666-devil, devils advocate and all. Overall, this was an aight verse but next time do try and make it longer and also if you can't quantitise it then add more quality and work on the technical parts of poetry/rhyme/rap....imagery-discription, personification metaphores etc.
    Last edited by P. Mortuus; June 5th, 2006 at 08:32 AM
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL
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  9. June 5th, 2006, 04:47 PM #9
    666
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    thanx...more feed plz...
    ..
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  10. June 5th, 2006, 05:01 PM #10
    Baxter D. Wall
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    so, you're pretty much gay.


    BTW, it's stretched and terrible. .
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  11. June 5th, 2006, 05:15 PM #11
    A.O.D
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    There a few stretched areas and the rhyme scheme is basic. The idea has been played before...yet it was done better that time. Maybe your continuance will be up to par but this needs more in depth work. There is no imagination in it and your slacking in the detail area.
    I'm not back...I'm simply bored out of my mind.
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  12. June 6th, 2006, 02:26 AM #12
    666
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    dez stfu...uppin...
    ..
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  13. June 6th, 2006, 02:45 AM #13
    666
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    ...o and by the way i was doing it in parts thats y it aint long but it dnt matter now cause some people are noobs so i cba doin it...i have talent dnt forget it...
    ..
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  14. June 6th, 2006, 02:47 AM #14
    Philly B. Sparkz
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    well nice i guess really some stretched lines can fuck up your drop so work on that and get more intuned with your emotion and make us feel it....CATCH US homes....but nice lil stroy man reall good keep elevating

    RTF on the links in my SIG PLEASE!
    <<The real Renegade
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  15. June 6th, 2006, 02:49 AM #15
    chitown_mex11
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    it was str8 overall the feelin put into was good
    ur structure was also pretty good
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