User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: Shift_Life.

  1. #1
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Yukon
    Age
    38
    Posts
    11,369
    Battle Record
    9-10

    Shift_Life.

    Shift_Life

    Ink blotted tattered papers lie scattered
    … across an old oak desk
    where the broken host rests,
    His Elbows sprawled n’ mind in a slow crawl, no jest
    A test from within a steady, yet faint call he detests
    He holds his head, thoughts being brutally mauled’
    No longer conceiving how he once stood tall
    His comforting bedroom, now a dimly lit eerie stall
    body Naked save a tattered tribal shawl
    His bony spine jutting out from the bottom
    He hopes by now the world has forgot him

    envisioning cockroaches and beetles circling his household
    Faith Incision doctors dissecting his maggot infested soul
    They wouldn’t understand that it’s beyond control
    I tried to change my life… and now this is the toll…

    Traveled the world… with a goal
    … seeking a truth in the cancer.
    Found a hole deeper, manipulating the answer
    Dense clouds of misfit trauma, deemed unneeded
    Yet the seeded hate bleeds into the soils bed
    It was once said,

    “bliss in ignorance”

    and if you seek to advance and enhance
    to prove it wrong…
    there’s a chance you’ll fall at the dark glance
    the devils dance and song
    ill take my stance and believe the phrase
    I sought to further my knowledge
    ………………... and found only a maze

    in the book of the world rages
    fiends lick venom off the pages
    gaze across the torn landscape
    the hand of death draped…
    now Bombs are leaving children dead n’ in hospitals
    The cost is sure, morbid minds killing at leisure…
    Seizures in mental institutes
    beer, liquor and prostitutes…
    like the sire song of winter death, we take life
    vanity backfires
    … and we see ourselves amongst the strife
    drugs gambling,
    gang beatings leading to school shoot outs
    these are humans initial greetings
    ……………... set out with a gurgled shout

    shift life… erase the lines…
    juggle words and meaning into life defined
    the shine should override struggles misshapen design
    READ MORE

  2. #2
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Yukon
    Age
    38
    Posts
    11,369
    Battle Record
    9-10
    links in the morning as always .
    READ MORE

  3. #3
    Cornea
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    California
    Age
    33
    Posts
    996
    Battle Record
    9-1
    Damn fool....here I go...

    That was a nice piece...I don't know if you would classify it as a poem or just a topical, but either way I liked it. I can see that you have a lot of emotion and imagery in your pieces which is very good to have. I liked the overall delivery of the piece...the way you structured it and wrote it seemed to fit well. Good job...overall 8/10...but I don't know too much about poetry/topicals...just opinion.
    Politics sits on your face, freedom of speech is a religious debate
    So truth that's left isn't food for thought if you're missing the plate

  4. #4
    Murda 1
    Guest
    yea this was a good read i liked your story line and imagery u flowed well and you also made it interesting thats a big thing to me when im reading these Om's it cant be boring but yea i liked it keep doing ya thing




    www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292609

  5. #5
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Yukon
    Age
    38
    Posts
    11,369
    Battle Record
    9-10
    sha shift.
    READ MORE

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    125
    Battle Record
    0-3
    THe closer clinched it. It brought everything together. I felt like it was just a series of images like a good sonnet, and then finally making your thesis at the end. Wonderful technique in that aspect. You had some great flow overall which I liked, so that means the rhymescheme was on point. overall great piece with a great image. I can completely view the images and sense the emotions in the piece. I love how the story line was hinted at.

    RTF please if you have the chance:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=292948

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  7. #7
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    146
    Battle Record
    1-0
    THe closer clinched it. It brought everything together. I felt like it was just a series of images like a good sonnet, and then finally making your thesis at the end. Wonderful technique in that aspect. You had some great flow overall which I liked, so that means the rhymescheme was on point. overall great piece with a great image. I can completely view the images and sense the emotions in the piece. I love how the story line was hinted at.
    ^^^^WERD !!!!!

  8. #8
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Yukon
    Age
    38
    Posts
    11,369
    Battle Record
    9-10
    sorry i havent dropped links... had a lot going on lately... ill drop a couple and return links in a bit...

    peace.
    READ MORE

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! I Am Unreal.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Ontario
    Age
    36
    Posts
    150
    Battle Record
    2-1
    This was one of the best works I've seen, period. I loved how you want against traditional 'structure', music comes from the heart man. Loved the way it was written, everything was flawless, good use of emotion too. Great job.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...65#post4481265
    On the wings of maybe..

  10. #10
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Yukon
    Age
    38
    Posts
    11,369
    Battle Record
    9-10
    ^ nominate me

    upppp.
    READ MORE

  11. #11
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Yukon
    Age
    38
    Posts
    11,369
    Battle Record
    9-10
    i feel bad about not leaving links yet... but im mad... uh... busy...

    *jerks off*
    READ MORE

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Technique's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    UK London
    Age
    34
    Posts
    149
    Battle Record
    2-2
    i liked reading this drop. it had a good unique flow to it which i liked good shit. good imagery which went well with the nice lyrics good use of wordplay and emotion and overall i really liked this drop good shit man keep it up

    peace
    RIP BIG L

  13. #13
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Yukon
    Age
    38
    Posts
    11,369
    Battle Record
    9-10
    scheme eh... o ok.
    READ MORE

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •