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Thread: Jealousy Prevails

  1. April 25th, 2006, 04:26 PM #1
    Plain-Thug
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    Jealousy Prevails

    I know you still care after all this shit happened, I know jealousy prevails
    It still doesn’t get interveined by the shit happening everyday in the jail.......
    I thought you changed your mind during the time you did your time.....
    Thinking that you’d be fine, But instead your tryin to blow me wit a nine..
    Taking your girl is hurtful and now you hate me, now your stalking me
    Having sickening theories and to add to that you had dreams of poping me
    Socking me, Destroying my pride and my confedence by making shit up
    I can’t even have a safe date with my girl without thinking about getting lit up
    He will never give up because jealosy prevails and always will till’ he die...
    But to tell you the truth i think he had mental illnesses and is such a silly guy
    He hates me so much and for that i really know why, I took his love away....
    Now Just giving her up won’t just make him stop and put the gun away....
    It isn’t that simple, I’m in a dangerous posion with a overall terrible situation
    I can’t even have a good day without him thinking of a plan, I need a salvation
    No longer can look at my girl with admiration without flipping my thoughts over..
    Just when i was about to kiss her, Someone flipped out table top over.....
    It was him frustrated, knowing i was hated i relaxed a bit and calmed himslighly
    But i still had a though that was tempted to shoot me or even fight me....
    That was mostlikely to happen, Because i know this mother fucker was crazy..
    And would anything to have back his baby which right now was my lady...
    I loved her a lot but has slowed down a bit after i was threatened by this guy
    This guy was a mystery someone that noone could ever try to defy....
    He lies with surprised and has depression in his eyes, then i realize........
    That this guy wasn’t someone that i could ever see with so much despise..
    I couldn’t bare this shit so I walked out of the resturaunt and broke up with her
    Then he moved closer to her almost like a slither, they were again together...
    And i know that his Jealousy will always prevail......forever......
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  2. April 25th, 2006, 04:27 PM #2
    Plain-Thug
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    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288056
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287744
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  3. April 25th, 2006, 05:08 PM #3
    Plain-Thug
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    c'mon leave sum feed..leave linkz..uppin^
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  4. April 25th, 2006, 05:14 PM #4
    LyRiCaL sLaYeR
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    dam nice drop
    i liked that you made the story behind it come to life
    i couldpicture myself as i was reading it in that situiation
    keep up the good work
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  5. April 25th, 2006, 05:16 PM #5
    LyRiCaL sLaYeR
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    id appreicated if ya hit this up and leave some feedback
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288907
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  6. April 25th, 2006, 06:09 PM #6
    Plain-Thug
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    aight that was hit up....thanks...uppin 4 more..
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  7. April 25th, 2006, 06:46 PM #7
    Poeta Demonio
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    Okay this wasn't bad, but i just found it ahrd to get into with the lebgth of the lines, you remeind me of daking (the witness) in the way you write, as in you have very good potential, but you strech your lines like crazy with not too many multis, but your ciontent suggests to me that you have th potential to do so much better as a whole piece, in saying this i think some of your wording is very well placed and thought out, all in all i enjoyed this piece, it's just some things you need to work on befor the piece is turned to a good read to a DOPE read... well done any how.

    Feed on my OM please... thank you.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288881
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”
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  8. April 25th, 2006, 06:55 PM #8
    Aristocrat
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    the story itself is nice and the metagporical part isnt that strong, I was lookin for the conceit here also, but I didnt really see it. The story line here is basic, I aint gone hold u up, but I liked it cause it seem like it came from self, and the wording is right on point with the topic and expression...


    Hit up mine...Beyond the Dumpster.

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  9. April 25th, 2006, 07:14 PM #9
    Loch Loco
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    This was an ill piece man, The concept has been done before but I like your approach. The Ryhme scheme was good and the depth and emotion were on point. Keep dropin' that dope shit and I'll keep readin.

    Return the favor
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288901
    Battles that need Closure


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  10. April 26th, 2006, 09:37 AM #10
    NiNjah Red
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    yeah nice flow and structure. concept seen b4. but still u approached it from ur own angle so cool. rhymes landed good but could of been a bit more adventurous on the internals and multies. also you could try think out a couple more deeper mataphors next time to give the verse more depth......was worded quite well i reckon.......yeah emotion was put in f'sho.... so yeah a good reading

    stay1
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  11. April 26th, 2006, 02:13 PM #11
    Plain-Thug
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    thanks for the feed all of you..uppin for more...
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  12. April 27th, 2006, 03:04 PM #12
    Plain-Thug
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    uppin one last time for feed....
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  13. April 27th, 2006, 03:54 PM #13
    Daft
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    id have to say this was a nice verse, sad at the end though... but things like affairs often end up in sad situations... but overall id say it was decent in multis, but it was kind of too long in lines? you know what i mean? but def. potential
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