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Thread: A River of Tears

  1. April 25th, 2006, 03:13 PM #1
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    A River of Tears

    as i sit here a river of tears i cry
    unstoppable, as they overflow onto the bags under my eyes
    i haven't slept sound not one night since....
    and from now on with my heart i'm putting up a fence.....
    i thought i was okay........i thought i could just throw away
    everything in my heart in just one day
    but i was wrong......not like it's new
    because it seems i'm still being judged for things that i used to do
    but i don't blame the world, i blame me
    for trying to be something that i know i couldn't be
    but that was my past and i've overpaid my dues
    but damn everytime i turn around i seem to get accused
    people change all the time whether for the better or for worse
    but in love it seems like i've been plauged with an unliftable curse
    but it's gotten to the point to where i don't even give a damn......
    my own prayers are even too loud to my ears.....
    because all my past mistakes in life have become a part of now and what was here
    i know i said i was okay, but it still irks me in my mind
    i tried to get over it , and i thought i was just fine....
    but i was just trying to ignore what i feel because it's easier to just forget
    but it backfired on me and i'm not over it yet.......
    and i guess this is what love is truly like, and i've finally learned over the years
    and i think about it as i sit here quietly......swimming in my river of tears......

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287748
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288881
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  2. April 25th, 2006, 03:27 PM #2
    brevan
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    nice piece... i think its something everyone can relate to or at least will eventually. good emotion good structure nice flow.... only thing i thought i could use was a lil better word choice.
    7/10
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  3. April 25th, 2006, 04:36 PM #3
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    thnx uppin for some feed
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  4. April 26th, 2006, 02:03 PM #4
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    uppin
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  5. April 26th, 2006, 09:32 PM #5
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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  6. April 27th, 2006, 10:30 AM #6
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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  7. April 27th, 2006, 04:34 PM #7
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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  8. April 27th, 2006, 04:40 PM #8
    mc pyro.
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    real nice peice yo the story really got me hooked and could relate to it and the flow was aproaprite for ur story and flowed great the rhymes were basic but they still sounded nice and i saw some pretty good vocab in there keep writin 8/10
    hit up these om's wit some feed

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  9. April 27th, 2006, 08:38 PM #9
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    thnx lol uppin
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  10. April 28th, 2006, 03:21 PM #10
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    uppin some dam feed
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  11. May 1st, 2006, 03:22 PM #11
    Ben A. Newly-Rayped
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    stop sleeping lol

    uppin
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  12. May 1st, 2006, 03:39 PM #12
    detremental.
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    I liked that man. It had a different feel to it. I've never seen an OM like that one. I'm feelin the way you ended it also. While I was reading it I was thinking" Well, what did he do?" It was a different outlook on thoughts. Gave me the insight to a person's mind. keep it up man.
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  13. May 1st, 2006, 04:33 PM #13
    Witty
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    this was quite good, you had great emotion and your imagery was very good in this peice, I felt that this may have had a deeper meaning, maybe something that you went through or something, I dunno. This was a very enjoyable peice and I can see that you are elevating with every peice that you write. That's what I like to see, keep writing dude.

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  14. May 1st, 2006, 05:14 PM #14
    Mc Cas
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    now u got dwn on this one man. i rele felt the lyrics, u got me hooked from beginning to end. it flowed nice and encouraged me to read on. me fav couple lines were.... "people change all the time whether for the better or for worse
    but in love it seems like i've been plauged with an unliftable curse"
    it was a gd all rnd piece and ill b lookin 4ward to reading more of your stuff man
    8/10

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    I SELL ICE IN THE WINTER, I SELL FIRE IN HELL, I AM A HUSTLER BABY I COULD SELL WATER TO A WELL!
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  15. May 1st, 2006, 05:28 PM #15
    Black_Out
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    Yo nice shit kid.....Pictured the Imagery big tyme.....nothing was strected....the flow was perfect....The only thing that I look 4 is structure but it really isnt a issue in ur case...It was more of an emotional OM from my point of view....I enjoyed nice drop....pussie....lol
    9/10

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