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Thread: Blowing Away Our Freedom

  1. March 3rd, 2006, 07:25 PM #1
    Chrit.
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    Blowing Away Our Freedom

    What is freedom?
    Is it this life that I'm living?
    The tears that are streaming?
    A life void of meaning?
    ...I know not...


    Our people persecuted, thoughts that are muted
    Our battle for freedom seems like we are losing
    Praise Allah!!!
    His plan, shows how we'll make a stand
    Against the devil known as american
    The unpure heathens, destroying worlds with no reason
    Yet half the world turns a blind eye to their treason
    I will stand up!!! Take down part of them
    And ascend to the heavens, offered martyrdom
    I'll strap the bomb, pack my bags, take a stand
    And get a piece of freedom in that heathen land!
    Forget what any uneducated beast may think they see
    My ends... completely justify my means
    Praise Allah!...


    As his hand drops, as do onlooking jaws
    Explosions follows along Christians praying to God.




    As Muhammed hears the news, his blood starts to boil
    A Muslim bomber strikes on American soil....



    What is freedom?
    Is it this life that I'm living?
    The tears that are streaming?
    A life void of meaning?
    ...I know not...



    Allah... you must make them see...
    These actions are something you cannot agree
    The plea for freedom, say they act for th god
    When really... as a people we see to withdraw
    Everyone looks on, with glares that are odd...
    Wondering how I even landed my job
    To the points I'm threatened for supporting their cause
    But I dont!!!
    It pains me Allah!!! We are a people of peace
    These extremists, make our real agenda diseased
    I just wish... we were finally equal
    Instead of this crazies tainting the image of our people
    Maybe one day.. this struggle to belong will be done
    When our people see they are blowing away ALL OF OUR freedom.



    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=275463
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=276054
    Last edited by Chrit.; March 3rd, 2006 at 08:03 PM
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  2. March 3rd, 2006, 10:11 PM #2
    Chrit.
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    fuckers
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  3. March 4th, 2006, 08:18 AM #3
    Chrit.
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    you fucking whores
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  4. March 4th, 2006, 08:45 AM #4
    Jon
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    Sorry, I just saw it.
    This was Very nice, you must have put alot of thought in it. I got the concept, everything was well written, while you used the right vocabulary to discribe what you wanted to say perfectly. This was deep, because it is happening every day in todays society, and its like we get to see two diffrent point of veiws, I also like the bit of poetry before the religion switch.

    What is freedom?
    Is it this life that I'm living?
    The tears that are streaming?
    A life void of meaning?
    ...I know not...


    That was nice also. Very well written peice. Loved it. I might consider nominating you, not sure yet.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  5. March 4th, 2006, 08:53 AM #5
    ITawAPuddyKat
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    This was cool, nice Topical verse here. I'm liking your view point of this, approaching the Topic by going back in history a little. The concept is cool, I've seen this same Political concept, but with different approaches, bleh kinda bored me though. Short but your message came through. The flow of your verse was cool, very well written. Loving your imaginary, very detailed, descriptive. Since your writing in first person, you could've added a little more emotion, first person writings is known for that. Overall good versre, keep writing.

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  6. March 4th, 2006, 12:34 PM #6
    Chrit.
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    Cheers
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  7. March 4th, 2006, 02:18 PM #7
    topher
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    Nice piece here.Deep and emotional in some parts.The concept here and where you started from was good,and i liked your choice of vocab.It seemed to make it better and an ejoyable and easy read.I found that you used some multies but not alot,so i just felt you could've made more.

    If you could leave feed back on my om "Green colored people".
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  8. March 5th, 2006, 12:39 PM #8
    Chrit.
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    Derka Derka
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  9. March 5th, 2006, 06:54 PM #9
    2hot2handle
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    That was good. I liked the emotion and imagery and the intellect you displayed. This piece needs some more vocab( im a vocab junky), but the design of ya piece was interesting. You obviously are influenced by Islam and its a unique piece. Pretty cool, decent, but work more on vocab and ya structure. Its all good man.

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

    - Martin Luther King Jr.


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    View this from last year^
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  10. March 5th, 2006, 07:54 PM #10
    Chrit.
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    Vocab?

    I actually find it to be worthless to throw random large words in a piece. I'd rather write something anyone can enjoy than something someone needs a dictionary to fully appreciate.
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  11. March 5th, 2006, 07:59 PM #11
    Silas
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    This was real good chrit, i liked most of this stuff. Nice storyline, and when you have something as dope as this. I don't really think you need vocab in here nah mean? Anyways, this was an awsome peace concept was great, structure was good and what not. Didn't expect anything less from you anyways, Peace.

    Hit up my new OM "Rainy Days"

    Thanks.

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  12. March 5th, 2006, 08:31 PM #12
    Fo' Rilly
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    Quote Originally Posted by .RdotC.
    Vocab?

    I actually find it to be worthless to throw random large words in a piece. I'd rather write something anyone can enjoy than something someone needs a dictionary to fully appreciate.
    Yeah but y risk it, Vocab is a key element in all top notch HoF worthy Om's. all the legends of Om's use extensive vocab and all the dummy's enjoy it. if people need a dictionary to read a peice that is good enough to waste ur time to look for a word, so be it. its their fault not knowing the words. im sure plenty of heads go into Om's from great members like urself with a dictionary in their hand prior, dont u think the least u can do is make them use it? Holla.
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  13. March 6th, 2006, 11:24 PM #13
    Chrit.
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    Fucka vocab...

    I will never use big words for the sake of using big words.
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