Patchwork Dreams

**Phoenix.** · February 24th, 2006, 06:24 PM

in dreams we enter a world of our own.
where desires are born and storys set in stone.
time slips by as we wonder through our minds to find the untold.
but finding no answer in sleep we ponder the question till solved.
our dreams build a fabric sewn together wit themes.
where Development starts and our childhood leaves.

but what if.....

love turns to hate and dreams turn to nightmares.
when we wake up to screaming only to find fear.
when the imagination corrupts dreams the fabric is broken.
dreams die the patchwork and memorys blood soaken.
and new threads bind back the holes so the patterns re-woven.
but leaving a mark on it left to be respoken.

but...later a boy talks to a man the man says

you can try but you can't change fate.
only you cankeep loving to fight hate.
cuz some people only seeing darkness like they eyes taped
i can see your already like this i guess i replied late.

**EyeCandy** · February 24th, 2006, 06:40 PM

in dreams we enter a world of our own.
where desires are born and storys set in stone.

^^^hey cookie niice opener there...

love turns to hate and dreams turn to nightmares.
when we wake up to screaming only to find fear.
when the imagination corrupts dreams the fabric is broken.
dreams die the patchwork and memorys blood soaken.

^^^cookie niice rhymes & emotion

you can try but you can't change fate.
only you cankeep loving to fight hate.
cuz some people only seeing darkness like they eyes taped
i can see your already like this i guess i replied late.

^^^my fave bars, niice emotion u got there 2, liked the ending..

yeah cookie this piece was good, i enjoyed readin it, it had pretty good imagery in it & good emotion.. the rhymes was good cudda been slightly complexed & the vocab.. but i liked it though it was more or less like an poetic piece.. keep it up cookie this was niice..

**EyeCandy** · February 24th, 2006, 06:41 PM

cookie were's ur links... post en up..

**Phoenix.** · February 24th, 2006, 06:45 PM

what links :S lol

**Gurbil** · February 24th, 2006, 06:47 PM

That was a nice piece i like the contradictions that can be made in a dream and good structure and flowed well good piece

**Phoenix.** · February 24th, 2006, 06:48 PM

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post4022484
^^^
llink 1.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post4022511
^^^
link 2.

nd thx gurbil and snypah

**Phoenix.** · February 25th, 2006, 11:41 AM

uppin

**Undissable** · February 25th, 2006, 11:43 AM

cool flow, it was on point, but he rhymes were too simple and forced, it was overall a decent piece, but the text being bolded was herbish, get rid of that, but keep writing man, good piece
hit up vanity fair

**P. Mortuus** · February 25th, 2006, 11:53 AM

Goo piece, flow went patchy in some parts and the rhymes looked forced/outta place in others. However, the concept was on point and new and i like the percpectives of dreamin and all as well.....overall it's a goos piece that can be made a lil longer.....

Can ya leave some comments on this, if ya already haven't, thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=273649

**ace baby** · February 25th, 2006, 01:53 PM

that was tight man. good rhyme s hrm good intro and closer. were vocab was on point it was well put togather

**Atti** · February 25th, 2006, 02:03 PM

Hm, interesting piece. You show alot of potential as a writer. I actually really liked alot of your subject matter and the approach that you took in discription. The only thing that slowed this piece down alot was the flow. It was too line to line rather than flowing verses you know? But overall I've gotta say I actually liked something about this. Nice job man.