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Thread: I....

  1. February 6th, 2006, 05:41 PM #1
    TProphet
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    I....

    Please, some of you catch some of the metaphors...


    I Feel...
    Insignificent to my surroundings
    Evolution around me..
    Yet im still standing still
    I Am...
    A picture in a picture priceless in value
    Picasso views from the clouds..
    Still wondering what colours to use
    I Need...
    To consider my actions before the past swallows them
    To prevent my imagination..
    Taking control and creating an exhibition
    I Am...
    Denied the freedom to find my true meaning
    But i concede..
    Thats one thing i may never achieve
    I See...
    My personality seeping through my younger sister
    Keep thinking..
    Will she have the same insecurities as me when shes older
    I Am...
    A contradiction of the values i preach
    But shouldnt my beliefs..
    Be recycled through me?
    I Know...
    Its a matter of time till i find more incosisticies in my design
    But im lucky..
    Cos the only ghetto i can relate to is my mind
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  2. February 6th, 2006, 05:44 PM #2
    TProphet
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=270469
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=270269
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  3. February 6th, 2006, 09:46 PM #3
    Vulcan.
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    Seemed more like a poem to me. The emotion is there, it just didn't rhyme as much as I would have expected it to. Good content throughout IMO..

    Favorite Lines:
    I Am...
    A picture in a picture priceless in value
    Picasso views from the clouds..
    Still wondering what colours to use

    ^That was dope..
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  4. February 7th, 2006, 02:10 AM #4
    Mariposa Latina
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    i liked the topic but ^^^is right bout not really comin 2gether like u could c that it could have
    just work on the flo with sum better vocab or sumthin

    overall, nice piece & keep @ it -k-
    Return the feed if u get the chance...

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  5. February 7th, 2006, 06:01 AM #5
    TProphet
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    Yeah it is a poem, but it rhymes and its Open mic..so yeh thanks, up
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  6. February 7th, 2006, 04:00 PM #6
    TProphet
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    Yeh, up
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  7. February 7th, 2006, 04:13 PM #7
    Nostradomus.
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    Great job Prophet, I really enjoyed the poetry stanzas you added here. The rhymes were very nice and simple. Nothing too complex, which is always good. I liked how you put "I am" or "I need" after every couple lines man..very good. You might just see this in the HoF this month..keep on the look out and very very good read. Pz.
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  8. February 7th, 2006, 05:47 PM #8
    TProphet
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    Thanks
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  9. February 8th, 2006, 07:18 AM #9
    TProphet
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    Rise
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  10. February 8th, 2006, 11:46 AM #10
    TProphet
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    Pfffft.. ive replied to so many
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  11. February 8th, 2006, 04:58 PM #11
    TProphet
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    ..and AGAIN
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  12. February 9th, 2006, 09:07 AM #12
    TProphet
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    =/..
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  13. February 9th, 2006, 09:56 AM #13
    Marshall
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    This was a really good piece. enjoyed reading it. as Nos said i liked the way you put "I Am" or "I See". made it a very individual piece. nice simple structure made it easy to read and very well written. Keep It Up.
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  14. February 9th, 2006, 01:02 PM #14
    TProphet
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    Thanks
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  15. February 9th, 2006, 02:16 PM #15
    Influx
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    I felt kind of an arty conceit here, looking at this piece as a whole there is a loose lexical field of design terms which ran throughout. I like the way you were able to carry the idea and interweave it into the different descriptions you gave. I didn't really like the patterning of the 'I..' it got a little over repetitive, I think this was more of a poetic piece than an open mic, if I were you I would try to weave in some more complex vocabulary to tighten it up a little, overall it was an enjoyable read that has perhaps been placed in the wrong forum. An origional idea, well done.
    Hello Darkness My Old Friend...I've Come To Talk With You Alone
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