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Thread: Flawwed

  1. January 31st, 2006, 07:27 PM #1
    status_unknown
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    Flawwed

    Once in a while... i see something that smiles
    It`s not rushing to find the way, but running through wild
    He`s stuck in denile... of something that`s vile
    Disregarding the hardships such a wonderful child
    Fuck ups? not in the style, perfect in fact
    The words roll off his tounge like the surge from a smack
    Superbly he'll rap in fact you've probably heard of this cat
    Birthed with a knack for punchlines, punchins, punchouts
    9 to 5? he's tryin to keep rhyme alive when he runs out
    He smiles and thrives while performin.. while explorin
    The form of warrin verbally, with a mind for it
    Line hordin fine for it.. tourin silenty
    Quiet emcee, outspoken, only tryin to be
    The guy who you see.. who rhymes on t.v.
    M.t.v. or B.e.t.. so place your bids
    For whether or not all the fans`ll hate this kid
    Even though he`s made to live, with a sacrid gift
    Of flagrent skill and ability to make you sing
    Make you cry, make you smile and make you live
    Make you see light in the dark, make you hate to die
    Makes the lines by which the world loves to hear
    Except he`s plauged on stage with a fucked up tear
    He struggles to breath as he runs with fear
    Puncturing ears with shrill cries of.. "i hate life!"
    As yet another great man suffers from stage fright, flawwed.

    Links:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268983
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268944
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  2. January 31st, 2006, 08:39 PM #2
    topher
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    You kind of had a forced rhyme scheme here my friend.The multies were there,but like i said it seemed forced.Also the storyline was basic.it was an easy read,and understandable,but it also matters how you go for the topic.Try to use a different sotryline and also use better rhyming syllables so you can make the multies better.

    Over all ok piece,ontopic but basic.
    hurterrybody.
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  3. February 1st, 2006, 01:18 AM #3
    Black Hornet
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    not a bad piece but i like the flow. it was steady the whole time and a complex rhyme scheme to add emphasis. you had an overall good piece man, keep up the good work.
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  4. February 1st, 2006, 05:10 PM #4
    Eye. F. Artcuhm-bubbles
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    you very nice stuff i like the vocabulary everything was on point 1 up
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