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Thread: Troubled Life

  1. January 19th, 2006, 07:15 PM #1
    J.J
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    Post Troubled Life

    I see a few things wrong with the way that im livin’
    Can you come talk to me I just need a second opinion
    Ever since my uncle died I don’t know how to feel anymore
    Things changed since then, I don’t know what’s real anymore
    Back then I was gifted, my spirits lifted
    Now people don’t even know that I ever existed, Life's twisted
    I cant sleep anymore there ain’t ever time for restin’
    I gotta go around the hood askin’ people for their suggestions
    To me its heavy, but to you it may seem petty
    Lets continue talkin’ I know u ain’t tired of me already
    I used to be all happy and grateful
    But not anymore, now im violent and hateful
    But this wasn’t it, life got even worse
    My grandmother died, what the fuck was this a curse!?
    That was it I had enough, I became a criminal
    I committed murders 1 by 1, it was subliminal
    I got caught and went to jail for life
    Too bad I never got to have kids or a wife
    Day after day I became more sick of the place
    Life in jail, damn im escaping if that’s the case
    That’s what I did, I had no other choice
    I sat down for a minute, thought for a minute and rejoiced
    Keep this a secret or u might regret it
    Anxiety might try to take over you, but don’t let it
    I still just don’t know how to feel anymore
    But like I said, I don’t know what’s real anymore


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=264120
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=265812
    Last edited by J.J; January 20th, 2006 at 04:09 PM
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  2. January 19th, 2006, 08:06 PM #2
    J.J
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    uppin...
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  3. January 19th, 2006, 08:08 PM #3
    Soule
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    meh.


    Elevate alot.
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  4. January 19th, 2006, 08:16 PM #4
    J.J
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    yo cmon u can leave betta feed than that, uppin...
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  5. January 19th, 2006, 08:23 PM #5
    Soule
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    Lol from some body like me.
    Thats probaly the best feed you gonna get.
    Elevate.
    Try making a Om longer.
    Like the ones i did.
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  6. January 19th, 2006, 08:30 PM #6
    J.J
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    aight w/e....uppin for more
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  7. January 20th, 2006, 02:01 PM #7
    J.J
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  8. January 20th, 2006, 02:02 PM #8
    Siege
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    dope rhyme scheme, and the flow was pretty good, but the topic was played as fuckl. hit up my piece final exam
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  9. January 20th, 2006, 02:10 PM #9
    EyeBite
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    hey this was a pretty good Om homie...
    vocab was much betta than your last Om
    topic was interesting and i liked it a lot
    this was enjoyable to read..had sum iight imagery
    rhymes were good..pretty nice multies.......
    flow was good...strucutre was alright...
    overall this was good but can bed a lil bit betta
    keep elevating....peace---
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  10. January 20th, 2006, 02:26 PM #10
    J.J
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    aight thanks man uppin for more
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  11. January 20th, 2006, 02:37 PM #11
    Siege
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    yo man hate to feepost but hit up my piece "Racism" or "Final Exam"
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  12. January 20th, 2006, 03:43 PM #12
    J.J
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    no prob yeah sure i will..uppin i guess
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  13. January 20th, 2006, 03:54 PM #13
    EyeCandy
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    yo fallen angel fa real dis piece wuz worth readin....
    nah if u 13 fa real i fink dis is gud,.. u had niice flow, wiiked emotion thru out da piece.. sum niice multiez in there 2.. keep workin @ it... propz 2 u hun...
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  14. January 20th, 2006, 04:06 PM #14
    J.J
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    aight thanx and yeah im 13 i was pretty surprised i made this piece haha, thanks to everyone on here's advice im elevatin...thanks for the feed yo..uppin 4 more...this is my last up of the day so i need all the feed i can get! lol
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  15. January 20th, 2006, 04:10 PM #15
    EyeCandy
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    how long did u work on it fo? hmmm fa real i'd read mo shiit from u... stay @ it...
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''
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