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Thread: ABUSED SOULz ft. Fiyashawty

  1. #1
    Mikey B
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    ABUSED SOULz ft. Fiyashawty

    FIYASHAWTY

    Evry move I make's a mistake in ur unfeelin eyes
    "Never quite up to standard"'s ur opinion no matter how hard I try
    Fury unleashed upon flesh, tha wound tastes so fresh
    Wary to assure my emotions dun start to enmesh
    Joyous days of sunfilled walks reach tha depths of tha past
    Father-daughter bonds are revered as tha ties that will last
    But all atachment frays as tha fist hits my skin
    If u killed me would I really be missed by my kin?
    As u strike u cry out that they hated me always
    Leaves can't turn anew cuz we're thru wit tha fall days
    Blows that lash my hope further than words could attempt
    As ur eyes burn my soul I am drowned by contempt
    Pray to pass out so pain numbs, more damage ensues
    But sting keeps me alert as tha tears r let loose
    Bitter salty emotion's mistaken as insolent rouses
    Undeserved punishment turns into ebony bruises
    In my mind I recite all of ur reahearsed excuses
    Can't bring myself to admit my only father's abusive
    Stress, anger, alcohol, tha problems outweigh comprehension
    This bloody ritual remains too imposin to mention
    Ghastly scars narrate tha story of hopeless devastation
    Still nobody could see to ur soul depravation
    A deafenin pop as I feel my shoulder's dislocation
    My face flushed crimson wit loathin and humiliation
    I become less than human as I'm stripped of my worth
    So deeply in pain I wish I'd been finished at birth
    Nobody to run to, I'm trapped in a prison
    As tha pain from ur veins becomes my raw incision

    MISTA GRIM
    ...as i return to my home and set foot in the door...
    ...i'm not my own person anymore...
    ...my father is takes ownership by throwing a punch...
    ...it landed square in my gut and i lost my lunch...
    ...and then my Mom comes, ready for her turn...
    ...she grabs the Newports and i tense up for the burn....
    ...and every time she sears me i learn...
    ...that they have no love for me and for that i yearn...
    ....as the ashes drop from the wound into the ominous urn........
    ...so after they finish they daily anger management class, by whoopin
    ...i rush to room and wait for the pain to pass...
    ...i remember the days when everthing was splendid...
    ...but with every year their care for me hass decended...
    ...every day since i been in jr. high it's been a daily chore...
    ...to get abused by the drunk and the whore...
    ...i can't take one more day of this, what am i living for...
    ...so i decided that the next day i would take a stand...
    ...so as i walk in the door from and Dad raises hand...
    ...i kicked him then swung at his face with a frying pan...
    ...he lie bleeding on the floor and i yelled in his face...
    ..."What now, now your the disgrace!"...
    ...i gave him another kick to the ribs and i tasted revenge...
    ...and the sweet taste and his rib's break caused me to cringe....
    ...i was through wit this...i headed for the door to leave...
    ...then my mother rushed in, and you wouldn't believe...
    ...she could put two bullets in the one she concieved, just leave-AND NEVER GRIEVE...

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    Fiyashawty, you did pretty good here ma. You had nice wording and vocabulary. Good flow just off here and there. You had a very good enmotional piece, with solid imagery. On the other hand MG, your verse could use some work man, you need to lose the periods first of all. Try even out those lines. And you could use a better use of vocab, and work on wording. Other than that ya'll keep at it, you can only get better.
    Chapters Of A ffliction


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  4. #4
    Mikey B
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    Dope Thnx More

  5. #5
    Is a ninja Lauren.'s Avatar
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    thanx 4 tha feed capo

  6. #6
    Greatness.
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    This was pretty good, Both need to elevate Topicalwise though, But ya both had great Emotion. Nice piece i found it interesting, Keep it up.

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    Owned.

  7. #7
    Is a ninja Lauren.'s Avatar
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    thank u, appreciate tha feed

  8. #8
    Mikey B
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    yes feed is appreciated................keep it up plz

  9. #9
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    fiya was blazing poetic script in hip hop form.the image was painted then brought to life.i think you have a beautiful mind and this accented it very well.you conveyed so much.
    grim was grim sorry twin but you were to basic and had little effection though you did paint the picture it was very bland.
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  10. #10
    Is a ninja Lauren.'s Avatar
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    thank u very much but I think grim did pretty well 2, but thanx still uppin

  11. #11
    Retired.
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    Shawty, your mind is full of beautiful images and ideas.
    You let it flow here with immense amount of emotion, and tons of imagery.
    It worked out perfectly even though your flow was a little choppy.
    Grim yours followed up real nice to Shawty's piece, you kept it all goin'
    and together you's made a real nice piece.
    Keep Up, For Sure.

  12. #12
    Is a ninja Lauren.'s Avatar
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    thanx for tha feed, iss appreciated

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ExPlOsIvE's Avatar
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    Yo, I liked this piece quite alot guys, i thought your imagery was very nice as was the way u put it in to words. I didn't have any problems with the flow on either of the verses. Your vocab was nice and so was your rhymin technique, pretty nice multi's. I like both your writin styles.

    Keep spittin and elevatin.

    Peace
    p.s hit me up on my piece, http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=262637

  14. #14
    Is a ninja Lauren.'s Avatar
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    aiight thanx, yeah I hit up ur piece too


    Grim, I like how dis collab turned out

  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Fresh101's Avatar
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    fuckin dope
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php/its-alive-356519.html[/url]

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