my journey

[PuresT]

Some peoples pictures of paradise
are next to strippers and a pair of dice
Might as well throw out your presidents
Gaining nothing with empty hands for evidence
Walking through hell trying to find an opening
it's out of reach and i need God to send down the rope again
Thought i knew it all but i'm a virgin on the road
swurving' on the shoulder when each turn is exposed
Traveled many miles for this mid life crisis
self-esteem off with the flip of a light switch
Fuck the money and fuck the respect
only findin' hope through the words in my headset
should've listened when others shared advice
Now i'm searching for my way back to paradise

So many questions with minimal answers
just another by stander meeting mutual standards

Frustration and anger are my normal traits
needless to say
i've never been on a formal date
Is it my fault i find it hard to converse
Never had a mentor pass down some words
More than one curse controls my existance
It's getting harder to stear with broken pistons
Holden Christian under my wing till he's ready to soar (Cristian my brother)
but Satan's mechete tore right through my heavy sword
try to prolong death until i can accept it
but actin' wreckless will give me the devil's best kiss
Where's my guardian angel that supposed to have protected me
Hand me safety instead of these amphedimines
Open the hatch and down they go
Wish i was outside Noah's arch when God drown the globe
I've found a hole
where i can dwell to be a hermit
and i'm not gonna surface till i find life's purpose

[warchild]

This piece was decent. I really liked the concept dark type of piece i would write so i was feeling it. But i dont think you did justice to this concept you did a decent job but it really lacked graphic imagery that would of made the piece better. You had some nice lines, the one about you being in hell and asking god for a rope that was a nice line but you never had enough dope lines like that in the verse. The vocab was decent but could of been improved so your imagery would be better cause it lacked in a lot of areas of the piece. The flow was really inconsistent i noticed one or two multies so that was it so the flow was sloppy which spoiled the piece for me.
My advice would be keep bringing the nice concepts but take your time with them dont just write the first thing that comes into yyour head. Jot down different ideas, couplets and piece the verse together this will make your verses complex. This had potential to be dope but you rushed it and got sloppy in places so i thought it was average.
Return the feed on my Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=252317

[EyeBite]

topic was iight...prety interesting.....good enough for me to enjoy it
flow was off which threw off sum places...it was effected by the strcutre
the lines were like this

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the xes are examples instead of words..

maybe try to keep the strucutre like this

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that would be good and it would certainly improve flow

rhymes were good in this prety good but not complex or not simple
medium area between both

good drop overal i liked it\..keep it upp..peace