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  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Nov 2014
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    351

    Untitled

    I wrote this to that Game Beat #9 (forgot the name of it)

    Try the kid whether mics-or-the-steal
    I'm gon make you feel pussy like dykes-when-I-kill
    cause I can light-up-ya-grill
    like them charcoal bricks
    and have you breathin harder in bed than hardcore flix
    look each bar bore tricks, and if I slang it twice
    it'll be 2x the attitude 2x the price
    I got 2x ya wife cause I double my standards
    so even if she's more than enough for you I still couldn't stand-her
    so what is the plan-bra, you gon ease into the game
    I'm blowin it up, fans in cuff, grew up and change my name
    got enough to throw in change and still not slip off
    you just gon be a childhood memory like them 2 from Criss-Cross

  2. #2
    Banned
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    5,480
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    well...the rhymes were good, but you need to really improve your structure` flow too, you need to really make the flow smooth and esy to read, it was choppy and making it not easy to read, the title was terrible, untitled, you rapped about nuthin perticular, you need to choose a topic to rap about and support with your lines anf rhymes, overall this ok, keep elevating and keep dropin

  3. #3
    Newbie
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    Oct 2005
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    My nigga what up, good shit nigga, what up with the callbo?

  4. #4
    ...
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    820
    Battle Record
    13-5
    uh,

    you needa improve your structure and work on your flow, I think the rhymes were pretty good, use better vocab. Also work on using multis I think that could improve a lot. The topic was just nothing, and I dont like that shit, ya u deffenitly a battler stick with battling till ya improve ur shit in open mic.

    overall I'd say 7.1/10 work on ur shit nigga.

  5. #5
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    ...

    you had some nice rhymes but your structure and parts of your vocab messed this up for real. You need to fix up your structure make sure everyline is near enough the same length and up your vocab.

    Plus you need to leave two links to post you gave decent feedback to or a mod will close this.
    written voices makes hidden noises

  6. #6
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Closed.

    Read the rules and figure out why yourself.

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