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Thread: Stuck In Shallow Water - L.I. and Laureate

  1. #1
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    Stuck In Shallow Water - L.I. and Laureate

    L.I.
    As a juvenile my outlook was prude yet vile..
    ..to prove a trial that always caused feuds of style
    I pursued the miles in hard fought troubles of strife
    ..and double the hype even made it a struggle at night
    now I shudder at site of any white script in the mail
    ..just skip it and bail or try to push chips and prevail
    it’s this or I fail and cause more stress this time
    ..depressed on wine, my judgments are suppressed by signs
    caress this nine and ponder on thoughts of death
    ..distraught from tests, my willpower sought for rest
    insults and threats could drive my mind insane
    .. a blinding race, impossible to find my range
    the ride was paved, now only a path to choose
    .. the fastest route, to become a more status dude
    and pass the news, break free of the anchor I carry
    .. anger is buried, progressing social ranks while I married
    thankful and caring I moved on after starting from war
    .. caught in the storm, my evolution brought me to shore

    Laureate
    I stood knee deep in problems I created for myself
    Like bad health I was sick of the shit I’d been dealt
    Trouble has come and gone, but the presence still lingers
    Too many to count, the world doesn’t have enough fingers
    Stabbed in the back often, but never a truly deadly blow
    Felt the downwards pull, wounds bleed beyond my control,
    Clogged with doubt and self pity, I never fully recovered
    Blind to the right route, life was gritty, hope was smothered
    Every time I got a boost, my support buckled and broke
    Even with nothing to lose, hope was muffled and choked
    Things never looked up, and my luck never changed
    Started a new game, reversing from fortune and fame
    So used to it now, bad days seem practically normal
    Bruises looked like diamonds, rags looked almost formal
    Constant clouds over my head, Mother Nature grounded me
    Invisible to eyes that see, and a nobody in society
    An intrusion of a delusion, slowly suffocating me
    Far from free, I was pulled further out into sea
    It's time to do the thing - that's word to ya wristwatch

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  2. #2
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    It's time to do the thing - that's word to ya wristwatch

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  3. #3
     
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    i was likin this track.. hot shit.. the flow was nice and so was the structure.. keep the good work up

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Pharoah.'s Avatar
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=237476
    hit it up

    topic was decent
    damn multies... tons of em in Li's verse and some in Laurs
    metyaphor were nice too
    laurate i think had a better verse but LI's was close behind

    enjoyable read

    8.7/10

    niceness and stay up
    Open Mics


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    Poetry

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    Last Word
    Twizteds Bodyguards


    Quotes HOF


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    Originally Posted by Vamp.
    this is perhaps the gayest thread...ALIVE....

  5. #5
    Senshuken SpitBoxer's Avatar
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    damn L.I... that verse was sick...there's no one or two lines to quote cuz the whole thing was on point..multies, flow, and message... very nice...

    Laureate's verse was straight too. not as much flow but message still there..

    "Every time I got a boost, my support buckled and broke
    Even with nothing to lose, hope was muffled and choked"

    fav lines from him^^^^

    nice collab. enjoyed the read and hope to see more.

    stay up

    peace

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    [SOUNDCLICK]9629246[/SOUNDCLICK]

  6. #6
    La Foret Incineratedrose's Avatar
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    whoa whoa!

    Thanks for hitting my ishy LI, well yeah, LI-ness, your first 2 lines really got me into it, i was / am kinda in a lazy mood so i was like "ugh" i dont feel like reading, but then the first lines almost "compelled" me to read, like i really wanted to read it. You had really good structure and scheme, the way the words rhyme and pieced together seemed really good. I liked that part a lot, topic / concept line was golden for both of you. Lyric - Havent heard from you in a while, good to see you're keeping up with stuff. You also rhymed really well, really kept my eyes glued to the screen, very interesting work here fellas. You both did a really good job, and hit everything on point, solid work.
    MondoThugs.

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    Meta. Convicts

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  7. #7
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    L.I you really brought it in this one, for some reason I thought how I told you too add multiples to your lines in the last IJL collabo I think. anyway i noticed you did quite a bit of em, shit really gave a depth to your flow. emotion and creativty. Your imagery was really there and kept the shit on lock. nice half from you mos def likin it. I can see why you were waitin for so long haha.

    Lyric
    my buddy here is hot like the sun is..haha anyway i thought you did very good a little different piece compared to L.I's cuz you didnt use internal multiples. but somin I noticed you brought to the tables was your imagery, it really had a nice story even though L.I's was good I believe you did a better job wit that imagination. Your flow and stucture was on lock as was your emotion. Maybe use multiples in your next shit, i know you know how your probably jsut lazy as fuck haha.

    anyway 1

    yall rtf on my new audio track...see how IJL youngin audio heads rise up. haha

  8. #8
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    thanks for the feed. ill hit up the links ASAP. upping
    It's time to do the thing - that's word to ya wristwatch

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  9. #9
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    upppppppppppppppppppppppppppppped
    It's time to do the thing - that's word to ya wristwatch

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  10. #10
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    upping. people leave feed and ill hit up a link
    It's time to do the thing - that's word to ya wristwatch

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  11. #11
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    L.I

    Great rhyme scheme and emotion in this piece.
    A mixture of all. Nice use of multies.

    ".just skip it and bail or try to push chips and prevail
    it’s this or I fail and cause more stress this time
    ..depressed on wine, my judgments are suppressed by signs
    caress this nine and ponder on thoughts of death
    ..distraught from tests, my willpower sought for rest"

    Like that way you wrote those lines. Nice word usage
    as well as discribing how you felt. Nice piece overall.
    It was strong. Didn't know you could write this well.


    Laureate

    You showed good emotion in your piece, kina
    displayed good imagery of what has happened
    to you. Steady cool flow and unique word usage
    which is good. Overall pretty solid but I seen you
    do better.



    Overall pretty good Collaboration.

    IJL

  12. #12
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    Thanks yo. Upping this
    It's time to do the thing - that's word to ya wristwatch

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  13. #13
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    L.I your flow is sick stucture hot I'm feelin it

  14. #14
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    thanks man. upping it if you leave a link we'll hit it up!
    It's time to do the thing - that's word to ya wristwatch

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  15. #15
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    .................................................. .....up
    It's time to do the thing - that's word to ya wristwatch

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