Good living

[X-treme]

Spend my time tryin to think of ways to escape
im too late my mistake was one thats to great
to reprent,so i need to invent an imense way
to try and make people see sense
Its too tense on the streets so people carry a gat
I got my weapon in hand its a pen and a pad
This is real when im writing its coming from the soul
Why you gotst to be the good kid,playing in the gangsta role?
You knew from the begging that sinning is wrong
But lyrics got into your head and now you live by the song
and the evil it speaks im jus telling the truth
Want any more evidence look at the streets for proof
Hope the lord dont think that im cold hearted
coz i hope to live with him when im dearly departed
But this is some thing ive started some thing that must end
God im saying sorry and il try and make a mends
What im tryin to say is lorg forvige me for im full of sorrow
Dont go out abe be a gangtsa,stay cool,live tommrow.

Ite plz rate people ive been gon for a mintue but im back

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...89#post2936089
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...90#post2936090

[X-treme]

yo i really want this rated,uppin

[.Silence.]

this piece was aight from you.Just try to work on using more Imagry and emotion in your verse.But your stroyline was good in your piece.Also your structure was good and your wordplay was good too.Just try to make your piece longer so it will have more feeling to it and you'll be straight.Just keep on working on your shit and you'll get better homie.

[X-treme]

Thank man apreicate it,uppin

[*BaByShAnTe*]

very short my nigga
but from what i read it was good
had nice flow and structure, decent ass rhymes and vocab use

[Token Muslim]

this was a ok peice from u.......u need 2 try using better vocab..........and be more imaginary, try helping the reader visualize what you are trying to say...........just elevate and put emotion in it...........overall a good peice.....................keep dropping hommie

[SpitBoxer]

shit was straight. try to add alittle more creativity.

peace

[TaKTiKaL]

yeah man flow and structure was alright, i was feeling your vocab too, but try to better it a bit .. you could work abit on your imagery aswell

You knew from the begging that sinning is wrong
But lyrics got into your head and now you live by the song

my favourite verse..

keep it up man

[warchild]

I liked the concept of the piece but you didnt write a great verse to go with the concept. You made some good points in the piece but some of the lines were corny and have been said a million times before so i found a lot of the bars repetitive. Your vocab needs to be upped so you can write some better imagery this will improve your verses. Also your flow was weak work in some multies to your pieces this will make them stand out more.
Try and mix in some metaphors to your verses this will make people leave better feed on your pieces. You made some good points in the piece but it wasnt complex enough. Keep writing and posting.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527