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Thread: "Rainy Days" ft. Atticus

  1. #1
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    "Rainy Days" ft. Atticus

    [[Intro]]

    'News Reporter: *Winds And Storms Raging In The Background*

    "As Gale Force Winds Of Katrina Continue To Rip The Once New Orleans From Its Roots We Are Left With But One Question... Why?"

    *Starts To Cry*

    "H-How Could This Be Happening?"

    *Falls To Knees And Feed Is Cut Off*
    ________________________________________

    *Turns Tv Off*'

    ...

    [[Verse One: Makaveli Trained]]
    An unwanted amount of leisure time…..it's Spring and here's the dejavu
    Medalling with inanimate wall fixtures because there's nothing more to do
    Standing motionless, staring out the window hoping those angry clouds would move
    No one outside, no friends to hang with, bored as fuck and sleepy too
    These unfortunate circumstances, there's better ways the day could be spent
    Desperation shows, when you find yourself doing homework on the weekend (lol)
    By now I've seen 106 and Park twice and memorized the top ten
    You can yell and scream all you want…I just wish God would stop cryin

    ... A Child Lost In A Sea Of Nature's Fury

    [[Verse Two: Atticus]]
    Sit in the dark, a windows black heart
    rings rope about this homes last art.
    Starts with a drizzle before a damp skies
    shutter captures the devils mark and cries.
    A few drops to a tissue until a cloud is impaled.
    Satan rams a thorn in its side until the mighty winds waild.
    The wind rips through the valleys picking up
    every little alley to bevel the sick deviled tunes whipping the
    clouds ease. Now these titans battle, colliding down
    upon each ground. Dont even notice the cold dieing sounds.

    [[Chorus x2]]
    TV: "...Please, Just A 5 Dollars Could Help Save These Victims Of Hurricane Katrina"

    Please, in the rath of land and sea, im trapt.
    Led me your hand... Pull me out this quick sand at last.
    Please, stand for me because I can no longer pray,
    Save and save, but my pennies could have never fathemd this rainy day.

    ...Swimming In Fear

    [[Verse Three: Atticus]]
    The winds continue a quick assault to hault
    the devils waltz, but evils slick. Blumes tall
    his stance as his hands grasp at the sky.
    Never once the eye of heaven dry of black cries
    throughout the entire event. My entire home swept
    from my feet as these extreme hope's decent.
    Stood there in awe. Jaw long, watching this book
    of the almighty written in whips upon this roof.
    As then... a freedom graced my face as wet touched me from
    the feet up as inocence is casualty in the wars of land an sea... Katrina.

    "Please, Please Will You Help Me?

    [[Verse Four: Makaveli Trained]]
    Nothing on tv, my girl wont even pick up her fucking phone…..come on Jen
    It'll be over soon says my parents, okay…..how bout telling me when
    Feels like I have no life, can't stop movin, what happened to my discipline
    I should be doing something important, instead pop in a cd and listen to Ren
    Tired by noon, meant to take a short rest and find myself asleep by 8 pm
    Shit, next time I'm goin to the club, you can bet I'll never do this crap again
    Yep, another day wasted, look what the rain did, I didn't even see my friends
    But that's nothing at all compared to what Katrina did to New Orleans
    Last edited by Tony B; September 21st, 2005 at 02:43 PM
    - King Tone

  2. #2

  3. #3
    ...Philly® aka Teacher Token Muslim's Avatar
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    This was a very good peice from yall 2, it had a lot of emotion and feeling in the words, it's like i was almost there with how detailed it was. I also liked the creativity of using the T.V quotes and talking to give a visual insight of the story you were trying to get across........all in all there is nothing said about this peice, but what also made this a easy read was the structure wich made the flow, flow nice.......plus it was a very touchy topic............keep dropping and i look foward 2 reading more
    Artificial Intelligence

  4. #4
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    *cough* OM Hall of Fame *cough cough*
    - King Tone

  5. #5
    Rv Couldnt Even Understand My Structure

    ... They Said The Flow Fell Off At Points,
    Lol That Site Is So Illiterate It's Rediculous.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  6. #6
    Innovator.
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    no not OM HOF worthy.

    this was a very rough draft..mechanics weren't that great to be honest. i mean, the piece was alright, but i felt that you guys could've portrayed a much stronger picture and contained more emotion, especially since you were talking about New Orleans. Flow was choppy..Makaveli your lines were stretched and you were using elementary comparisons like 106 & Park to God crying? NO man. And then you did the little (lol). I'm not feeling that.

    And the flow DID fall off at points..I'm going to post a verse of mine where I focused on rhyming more. Your flow was not flawless at all. I could tell that you were a more develped writer than Makaveli though.

    This piece was alright, no where near HOF worthy though.

    pz.
    AI. Legendary.
    19x HOF. Seven Titles. 50.

  7. #7
    *Shrugs*

    Ya, I Write Poetry More Now
    ... I Recently Made The Switch And Topicals Are Just Boring.
    So I've Kinda Lost The Text Flow.

    Whatever, But Thats Alot For The Ideph Breakdown.
    It've Very Much Apreciate Man.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Oh, here comes Mr. 'I don't care' Atticus, who doesn't care about rapverse but still bothers to go there and stereotype us all as illiterate because we 'don't like your structure'. I read a bar of it. Yup, that's an open mic. Congrats.

  9. #9
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    Eww.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Originally Posted by Eminem
    So when you see your mom with a thermometer shoved in her ass
    Then it probably is obvious I got it on with her
    Owned.

  10. #10
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    ay nice shit i like it a lot....i appreciate the creativity and adressing the issue....thats serious....and the feeling is captured, emotion....nice bro way ta hit it peace......

  11. #11
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by .Nique.
    no not OM HOF worthy.

    this was a very rough draft..mechanics weren't that great to be honest. i mean, the piece was alright, but i felt that you guys could've portrayed a much stronger picture and contained more emotion, especially since you were talking about New Orleans. Flow was choppy..Makaveli your lines were stretched and you were using elementary comparisons like 106 & Park to God crying? NO man. And then you did the little (lol). I'm not feeling that.

    And the flow DID fall off at points..I'm going to post a verse of mine where I focused on rhyming more. Your flow was not flawless at all. I could tell that you were a more develped writer than Makaveli though.

    This piece was alright, no where near HOF worthy though.

    pz.
    that's the kinda feed i like
    and btw, ima get back into topicals now so if any wanna collab well...........yea
    - King Tone

  12. #12
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    float.............
    - King Tone

  13. #13
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    Yeah this was a nice drop..i left feedback on rv..but i was really feelin this drop..both had okay structure..both had decent wordplay.. and good vocab..this was a really deep drop..both of you had nice imagery.. but overall keep it up..nice job to both

  14. #14
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    bumpity...
    - King Tone

  15. #15
    The True Psycho of RB
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    There's been a lot of pieces on this subject a lot of them were weak but this was quite good, the intro kinda set the tone for the piece.
    I think both of you made some good work of the imagery there was some decent emotion mixed in but i think atticus verses stood out more cause his flow was just a bit nicer. The vocab and imagery in both of your verses were strong described the scene well you got out some decent emotion trying to tell us what it would of been like to been there etc so it was a good read.
    I like the way you ended the piece it was kinda saying that despite everybodies problems in the world imagine being in new orleans when the hurricaine hit kind of a positive message that was impressive to me.

    Return the feed on my new om id appreciate it:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527

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