I Aint All There (Deep as a shallow grave lol)

[warchild]

I purchase a rhyme book then visciously fill it with raps
I rape it with dope, if my paper provokes, kill it with gats
But that would be too extreme, but not in my eyes
My friend just sided with the devil, got him nine lives
My heart is much more darker than the ink in my pen
I murdered myself this morning im in hell drinking again
Surronded by politicians, drug fiends, killers and rapists
I just noticed Saddam Hussains sons with a facelift
I walked over smirked and cracked a joke about their own deaths
I shot them a million times the devil interupted my fun in a cold sweat
He said 'your too evil to dwell here im sending you back to earth'
Good i need to rape Tony Blairs bitch and then craft a verse
I blacked out woke up in bed with just one ho
I thought the devil woulda gave me marilyn monroe
I would of been happy with her corpse im not picky
In hell i fucked Nicole Simpson DAMN my cocks itchy
Most of you pricks on this site are nerds so you cant push me
Your just jealous cause my rhymes are tighter than ant pussy

People think im a fucking prick so they wont help me, huh?
I cant hear you im iller than Tom Hanks in philladelphia
Im friends with porn directors cause they know groupies
I cant stop fantasizing about busting my nuts over J Lo's booty
I met this anorexic bitch told her my dicks for eating
After she was done i dug up mother theresa took her trick or treating
Forget your favourite rapper i got em stuck in a jeep
Im bored of rap i want jay-z to start fucking kelis
Im the most mentally unbalanced person ever thats what my friends heard
Im different i get turned by bitches eating ten turds
Not really im just thinking of strange shit cause im bored bitch
Im protesting outside parliment to get myself aborted
Your more soft than cunt so when you push me you fail
I got a sex tape of Martha Stewart eating pussy in jail
While i was in hell i saw Johnny Rotten licking Kurt Cobains head wound
I talk all the shit i want so fuck you i'll be dead soon

Just a buch of crazy thoughts couldnt care less whether you feel it or not.
The flow is tight as ever but i suppose it'll be slept on.
Im working on some deep shit at the mo so you can read this till then.
If you didnt think that ant pussy line was dope you can die of AIDS.

[The Vortex]

just noticed Saddam Hussains sons with a facelift
I walked over smirked and cracked a joke about their own deaths

lolz

blacked out woke up in bed with just one ho
I thought the devil woulda gave me marilyn monroe

hah
sall pretty good but goes off flow at times with the couple longer lines.. other than that put together pretty well with sum good punch


After she was done i dug up mother theresa took her trick or treating

uhm pretty sick fosho

pretty damn sick psychotic

[warchild]

^Appreciate the feed

Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=229624
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=229668

[G-Money]

nice... this was a good read... this was some eminem type shit... imagery was there... vocab was nice... flow was on point, concept not often used so it was nice... favorite line was the jay-z, i wanna see that shit too! but yeah good drop

[warchild]

^Thanks for the feed, ive replied to 10 oms in the last 2 days so how about some more feed.

[A.K.]

other than the structure this is very nice i very much like the way you think and put things together work on your mulites i like the humor makes the verse intertaining and fun to read you've got a sick mentality you just need to elevate it to send a messege through the verse that would make it perfect
peep my OM with feeback
peace

[Johnny 6-feet]

You're a sick puppy warchild. Some grosteque imagery in this and the plot comprised of basically violence and ocassionaly sex. Good to see a stand out piece once in a while. The multi's were solid throughout the whole piece, some of the one-liners were creative as hell (no pun intended). I would've liked to have seen a clearer plot worked into this but its a decent drop from you.

Keep on posting, please return the favour.

[warchild]

^Thanks for the feed, yeah i am pretty sick in both meanings of the word.
Ive replied to 15 oms in the last couple of days and ive only had 4 replies back come on people more feed more feed.

[warchild]

For fucks sake a bit more feed.

[Drifter !!]

Rofl.. real nice verse man.

Structure/flow was off at times.. but it had enough humourous and dope lines to make it tight. My fave line was..

Im protesting outside parliment to get myself aborted.

Lmao.. that's ill.

The ant pussy line was another.. real nice. Some funny but sick shit in there.. made me smile when I was reading it. Also.. some nice little metaphors here & there.. a bit of everything really.

Overall.. nice verse man.. was a great read spa.

[warchild]

^Thanks for the feed, uppin.

[warchild]

What the fuck is up with this forum? Ive replied to 20 other open mics this week and only got 5 replies back. Fucking wankers.

[ExPlOsIvE]

Chill man they'll cum wit a piece like dis. I really enjoyed readin this, made me laugh in a few places. The imagery was nice as hell and the flow was nice. U stayed on the storyline even thou there wasnt really a story line. The rhymes and wrdplay were nicde and i liked ur multis at the end of lines, Yeh as sum1 said earlier sum eminem type shit.

Nice drop, keep em comin.
Peace

[BAM BAM]

jesus!!!
how much feedback does a man need???
think the others are givin u more cred than is due
but it werent bad
gd imagery, weak word play, ok structure but weak flo
keep elevatin

[warchild]

^Lol what the fuck you talking about weak flow ive got the nicest flow on this board. You dont have a clue what flow means check this out i'll teach you about flow. Ive put the inside rhymes and the multies in capitals:

I purchase a rhyme book then visciously FILL IT WITH RAPS
I'll RAPE IT WITH DOPE, If my PAPER PROVOKES, KILL IT WITH GATS
But that would be too extreme but NOT IN MY EYES
My friend just sided with the devil GOT HIM NINE LIVES
Forget your favourite rapper i got em STUCK IN A JEEP
Im bored of rap i want jay z to start FUCKING KELIS
My heart is much more darker than the INK IN MY PEN
I murdered myself this morning im in hell DRINKING AGAIN

Weak flow? Shut the fuck up, im one of the nicest flowers on this board go and learn about rhyme schemes and flow before you open your cock sucking mouth.