Welcome to my Life

[Kirk L.]

Did one verse for an OM with this guy on RV... drop feed....



As I'm listing fears, I sit wondering why I'm not buzzworthy,
Begin shifting ears, to the truth away from the nontrustworthy,
Switching gears... On a lonely road I'm beginning to follow,
Where does it end? When I take the last drink from the bottle,
As I'm thinking I swallow a chug... darkness overwhelming me,
My minds telling me to give up though I sing to Apollo above,
Releasing the hell in me... Its changing a raven's flight,
The truth exsists but continues being consumed in the fading light,
Through the midst of mumbles and echoes of the shady night,
Is moving fists... What troubles me goes to amazing heights,
Moonlight showering through the mist... I'm escaping life,
Only way possible is sitting down with a page and write,
Engaging fights... with myself... and I'm taking the fall,
Boundaries placed around my hope and they're breaking the walls,
Promises have been made to me...Though most shatter like glass,
I try to look on the brightside... Keep that in the past...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...8&postcount=10
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...08&postcount=2

[sILLable]

aiight most importantly.....you dont have two links to two other replies youve done on this forum..and your piece doesnt have a proper title..so it will get closed....

your piece was pretty tight though....nice structure.... i liked tha vocab and tha complexity...it really had a poetic feel to it too......nice rhyme scheme...and i liked your use of multis...you need to pick a topic and stick to it though....other than that...ill shit....keep droppin and elevatin..if you cant drop platinum you better drop gold.~1~

[Lay Doubt.]

this was a pretty good drop actually. but for future reference, don't say anything about RV cuz it made me not wanna read it. no offense. anyway, it was very consistent. the flow was solid and you actually had a sick rhyme scheme right here:

As I'm thinking I swallow a chug... darkness overwhelming me,
My minds telling me to give up though I sing to Apollo above,
Releasing the hell in me... Its changing a raven's flight,
The truth exsists but continues being consumed in the fading light,
Through the midst of mumbles and echoes of the shady night,
Is moving fists... What troubles me goes to amazing heights,
Moonlight showering through the mist... I'm escaping life,
Only way possible is sitting down with a page and write,

yeah, that was the best section imo. coulda been a little bit longer, but it was still a nice verse. the imagery was there too, "moonlight showering through the mist". cool stuff man. peace.

[warchild]

This was a good verse, the opening couplet grabbed the attention straight away which always helps a verse, then you kept it interesting with good imagery and your flow was real nice in this piece so i liked it.
Next time just try and pen a couple of verses it will help you when you wanna start doing audios try and create whole songs.
The flow and imagery stood out the most to me, the vocab and structure was fine 2 so i cant hate, nice piece.

Return the feed on my new thread:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=205329

[EyeBite]

woa...... for a beginner this was tight.....the rhymes were complex and incredible and the flow was very smootha nd great.. i lil short but it doesnt hurt it at all.... keep it up and keep elevating..... overall 8.5/1- i hope to see another drop by you.... have a good day

[Trema]

I was really feeling this, you have potential.

You could of made this alot more deeper, by reading your rhymes i can tell that there was some emotion there! I caught on to what you was saying but you did not make this as good as it could of been. For a newby this is one of the best pieces i have seen and i enjoyed reading this! Keep it up

[Yung Caesa]

I liked this, your vocab was really gud (no need to give an example there, it was fairly obvious), your concept was well beleivable and your rhymes worked well.
However, I've 2 criticsms to make, and there 2 of the same thing. Although your rhymes rhymed fine the structure wasnt the greatest so I found it hard to grasp the flow. Also, I wud actually call this more of a poetic stripture then an OM cuz its a lot deeper and more thought out then one.
Overall though I liked this and my most valuable piece of advice iz fairly obvious...
KEEP WORKIN. Nice Verse.

Help me out wit feedback:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...58#post2621558

[CiRcA sKaTeR]

That was sick for your first drop, I really liked the flow, and the closing lines. Only thing I would suggest you improve on is structure, other than that keep up the complexity, and good luck

[Germ]

you are such a queer

haha, whats up my homie....you wanna post our collab early on this site?

[Kirk L.]

its gotta be RV exclusive!!!

[Germ]

sssh!!!

dont say those cursid letters!!!

[Vertikle]

Good piece man, nice vocab but it was too short and not sweet enough, lengthen out, wit more rhymes and lines, Good piece though and it flowed brilliant......8/10, keep dropping.............pz ~1~