''Ice Age''

[Awaken]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186266
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186613

Ice Age
Cold and bitter, arms crossed, prepared for winter
Barrel's empty, this is god's will, scared to shiver
Fear holding me back, I venture into the unknown
The metal object roams, shit, I'd better head home
Grab as much food as I can, just enough to survive
Got up to run, stumbled down this rough incline
That mountainside, which has been death for many
Hit rock bottom, checked for food, pocket's empty
What now, my family's life is on my shoulders
But they begin to buckle, starting the struggle
Cold sinking deep in my bones, i gotta hustle
The night is falling, the leaves stopped to rustle
I gain strength, just enough to overcome the pain
Weather's not helping me, with snow mixed in rain
This world is deranged, insane, dead in the brain
But I obtain..my strength, to search for the perfect food
Another truck almost hit me, humans so disturbed and rude
Just trying to live, waiting for the worst to potrude
The end is near, fuck it, I hurl death to the side
What do you expect, drama from a squirrel's life?

[..IllThoughtZ..]

haha...dis piece was nice to me...reminds me of my writing style a bit...what i liked about this piece was the concept. you switched it up on me at the end because i thought the character was a human the whole time.your flow was decent almost throughout but was lacking in one point. Structure couldve been tweaked a little bit more but was almost flawless. vocab was understandable ..you didnt get too complex but if you did it would've made for a more in depth and quality read...

Weather's not helping me, with snow mixed in rain
This world is deranged, insane, dead in the brain
But I obtain..my strength, to search for the perfect food
Another truck almost hit me, humans so disturbed and rude

nice multies..should've used a lot more though....but in terms of the read it was a very interesting drop..keep elevating....

[ExDaGawd]

Wow this was a nice read, Short but still sweet. This would been alot better if you would of made it longer. But none of the less it was still good.

Fav line:

Another truck almost hit me, humans so disturbed and rude
Just trying to live, waiting for the worst to potrude

[Issue]

Lol, originality? I like it! While reading this piece I got a bit confused and wasn't really feeling it, but the closer opened my eyes and this was pretty nice... Also, you'll be able to tell the people who reply who haven't read it... You had simple vocabulary that fitted this piece well, I liked the opening bar a fair bit as it had nice imagery and good depth, something the piece lacked in entirety but shone in in places. Great use of the twist and originality at the end, something I really liked man, nice work. Overall, this piece was above average for the overall concept, but has things to be worked on... Keep doing what you do and you're potential will prove itself man.

I haven't see you post in a bit, whats up?

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=185882
Check out my piece... Return the reply?

-Novacain

[Awaken]

Oh shit, novacain, i thought I lost you from the board man, whats been up? I've just been chilling for awhile, taking it easy. thanks for all the replies guys, uppin for more.

[Awaken]

and this is why i stopped posting on RB for awhile, cuz you fuckers SLEEP

[Awaken]

last upp

[CrazyCarl]

The ending was nice, very creative. The piece flowed nicely, kept the story going. You built it up well, by being descriptive, and creating the image. The vocab worked for the verse. The lines were short, but you were still able to convey your concept. There was some nice rhyming in parts, the multis that were in the piece supported the flow.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=185738

[Jawn Raw]

im feeling this actually even tho its short this could be good enough for an audio the multies were very good the opener bar was vey good use of multiples. im learnin that shit as well and you work well with that even the stucture was good and the flow was good cuz of multies and the vocabulary was decent and good. but im feeling this one
rtf on the link Truth in my sig. 1

[Syck-spytta]

this peice is deep, full of thought....and contain nice rhymes...i loved it....i felt every line you dropped here...this was a very nice open mic....i rate it a 9 of 10.

[Syck-spytta]

^^becasue of it's lenght...had it been longer would'a got a 10...but i felt this entire thing.

[-=StrawBeRRy=-]

lol, this was an entertaining piece......the style may have been just a lil basic, but that didnt really matter, reading the ending made it all come together and gave me the imagery i was struggling to see the first time i read it.....after seeing the ending, i read it again and it made sense....good drop, man.....

[Awaken]

Thanks for the replies, last up i swear.

[Johnny 6-feet]

lol, i loved that movie, i felt pretty bad for that poor fucking squirrel... dude could never get his nuts, lol. great topic and definitely leagues ahead in originality compared to most of the stuff here, solid vocab, good imagery and pretty good rhymes too. although some multi's would've helped this flow along a little better. loved the ending.


keep posting, and could you rep one of mine in return? cheers.